doc_rootbeer
@rootbeer666.bsky.social
I may not be strong, intelligent, or cool, but rest assured, I’m also not funny, charismatic, attractive, or remotely likable; a septuple non-threat
Pinned
doc_rootbeer
@rootbeer666.bsky.social
· May 9
If you sneeze, I’ll say “bless you.” H*ck, sneeze again, I’ll say it a second time. But if you sneeze a third time, I’m going to ask you to subscribe to Bless+™️
With Bless+™️, you’ll get three additional “bless yous” per day, for just $1.99* a month!
With Bless+™️, you’ll get three additional “bless yous” per day, for just $1.99* a month!
Reposted by doc_rootbeer
If you're a leftist this is the best day since... when
November 5, 2025 at 2:36 AM
If you're a leftist this is the best day since... when
Reposted by doc_rootbeer
Rapture day more like "Rap? Sure!" day
*beatboxes*
*beatboxes*
September 23, 2025 at 4:58 PM
Rapture day more like "Rap? Sure!" day
*beatboxes*
*beatboxes*
At incel meetings, is the “my turn to talk” object a shakeweight?
September 11, 2025 at 11:57 PM
At incel meetings, is the “my turn to talk” object a shakeweight?
Thoughts and prayrrrrzzzz for chrrl… [trails off]
September 10, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Thoughts and prayrrrrzzzz for chrrl… [trails off]
Let’s be real: if it’s not from the culinary district of Cheeseburg, it’s just a flatbeef sandwich with a slice of thickmilk
August 29, 2025 at 6:36 PM
Let’s be real: if it’s not from the culinary district of Cheeseburg, it’s just a flatbeef sandwich with a slice of thickmilk
I ain’t gonna nag
ain’t about to push
and I’m runnin’ up dat hill like my name’s Kate Bush
ain’t about to push
and I’m runnin’ up dat hill like my name’s Kate Bush
August 19, 2025 at 4:08 AM
I ain’t gonna nag
ain’t about to push
and I’m runnin’ up dat hill like my name’s Kate Bush
ain’t about to push
and I’m runnin’ up dat hill like my name’s Kate Bush
*Maurice White voice*
Ba-dee-yah
Say, do you remember
Ba-dee-yah
Racin’ with SEBULBA
[dives head-first into open rock quarry, saving crowd from effort of throwing stones]
Ba-dee-yah
Say, do you remember
Ba-dee-yah
Racin’ with SEBULBA
[dives head-first into open rock quarry, saving crowd from effort of throwing stones]
*Catch 22 voice*
Hey SeBULBA
Gettin' kinda pod in here.
Hey SeBULBA
Gettin' kinda pod in here.
*zack de la rocha voice*
Hey Sebulba
Don’t mothers make good fathers?
Sebulba
Hey Sebulba
Don’t mothers make good fathers?
Sebulba
July 30, 2025 at 9:00 PM
*Maurice White voice*
Ba-dee-yah
Say, do you remember
Ba-dee-yah
Racin’ with SEBULBA
[dives head-first into open rock quarry, saving crowd from effort of throwing stones]
Ba-dee-yah
Say, do you remember
Ba-dee-yah
Racin’ with SEBULBA
[dives head-first into open rock quarry, saving crowd from effort of throwing stones]
Hulk Hogan, in Hell’s waiting room:
![a twitter post from 2023-01-25 by the once living hulk hogan that reads, “I ran out of toilet paper brother,help!!!!!!!!” [poor typing and punctuation not mine]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:625i4nqtl2sn3lxzaotggnl3/bafkreic55bb4w5jr5c2z4v3lg5vraa4czyd4i26b7mfzzndnkgfqgez3ke@jpeg)
July 24, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Hulk Hogan, in Hell’s waiting room:
“Musk said he hopes to allow Grok to interact with the world via humanoid robots.”
—“Musk makes grand promises about Grok 4 […]”; Hayden Field, The Verge, 2025-07-10
The likely robots in question:
—“Musk makes grand promises about Grok 4 […]”; Hayden Field, The Verge, 2025-07-10
The likely robots in question:
July 10, 2025 at 7:05 PM
“Musk said he hopes to allow Grok to interact with the world via humanoid robots.”
—“Musk makes grand promises about Grok 4 […]”; Hayden Field, The Verge, 2025-07-10
The likely robots in question:
—“Musk makes grand promises about Grok 4 […]”; Hayden Field, The Verge, 2025-07-10
The likely robots in question:
I don’t really believe in an afterlife but I get the feeling that, for a lot of “christians“, it’s gonna be a lot like that scene in Goodfellas when Tommy thought he was going to become a made man
“…oh noooo”
“…oh noooo”
July 8, 2025 at 10:21 PM
I don’t really believe in an afterlife but I get the feeling that, for a lot of “christians“, it’s gonna be a lot like that scene in Goodfellas when Tommy thought he was going to become a made man
“…oh noooo”
“…oh noooo”
Sierra Mist is a stripper from South Bend
July 6, 2025 at 3:19 AM
Sierra Mist is a stripper from South Bend
Reposted by doc_rootbeer
He proposes releasing some ICE prisoners to labor on farms where the employers will “own them” and be responsible for them.
Historians have spent decades meticulously proving the straight line between slavery and modern capitalism’s concept of the laborer—or we could just let them say it.
Historians have spent decades meticulously proving the straight line between slavery and modern capitalism’s concept of the laborer—or we could just let them say it.
The camp is to filter out workers for Trumps new Slavery policy where he sells them to businesses.
He says so in this video
Make Americans Slaves Again
He says so in this video
Make Americans Slaves Again
July 3, 2025 at 8:00 AM
He proposes releasing some ICE prisoners to labor on farms where the employers will “own them” and be responsible for them.
Historians have spent decades meticulously proving the straight line between slavery and modern capitalism’s concept of the laborer—or we could just let them say it.
Historians have spent decades meticulously proving the straight line between slavery and modern capitalism’s concept of the laborer—or we could just let them say it.
I genuinely appreciate the candor; I was all, “what the fuck” when I got a “deleted” error upon tapping the post.
I deleted several posts about a Times story because they violated Times social media standards.
July 4, 2025 at 1:51 AM
I genuinely appreciate the candor; I was all, “what the fuck” when I got a “deleted” error upon tapping the post.
Reposted by doc_rootbeer
Today, we become closer to the year 2050 than we are to 2000. Have fun with that.
July 2, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Today, we become closer to the year 2050 than we are to 2000. Have fun with that.
[scoffs, points at self] “pfft, this guy”
June 25, 2025 at 4:42 PM
[scoffs, points at self] “pfft, this guy”
“I hope this email finds you after a protracted nationwide manhunt, before you become engaged in a standoff in a dilapidated shack in the woods outside a small town in Idaho”
June 19, 2025 at 1:59 AM
“I hope this email finds you after a protracted nationwide manhunt, before you become engaged in a standoff in a dilapidated shack in the woods outside a small town in Idaho”
Sometimes I’d just like to do a swan dive down an open elevator shaft. You might gasp and say “you shouldn’t say things like that!” I’d say you’re right. I wouldn’t do that
I’m not that graceful. It’d be more of a half-assed cannonball, turning wildly into a belly flop, down an open elevator shaft
I’m not that graceful. It’d be more of a half-assed cannonball, turning wildly into a belly flop, down an open elevator shaft
June 9, 2025 at 12:16 AM
Sometimes I’d just like to do a swan dive down an open elevator shaft. You might gasp and say “you shouldn’t say things like that!” I’d say you’re right. I wouldn’t do that
I’m not that graceful. It’d be more of a half-assed cannonball, turning wildly into a belly flop, down an open elevator shaft
I’m not that graceful. It’d be more of a half-assed cannonball, turning wildly into a belly flop, down an open elevator shaft
honestly? I’m okay with this
May 14, 2025 at 2:01 PM
honestly? I’m okay with this
Vancouver Pope is next
A Chicago Pope implies the existence of an MLA Pope and APA Pope
May 9, 2025 at 5:12 PM
Vancouver Pope is next
If you sneeze, I’ll say “bless you.” H*ck, sneeze again, I’ll say it a second time. But if you sneeze a third time, I’m going to ask you to subscribe to Bless+™️
With Bless+™️, you’ll get three additional “bless yous” per day, for just $1.99* a month!
With Bless+™️, you’ll get three additional “bless yous” per day, for just $1.99* a month!
May 9, 2025 at 3:38 PM
If you sneeze, I’ll say “bless you.” H*ck, sneeze again, I’ll say it a second time. But if you sneeze a third time, I’m going to ask you to subscribe to Bless+™️
With Bless+™️, you’ll get three additional “bless yous” per day, for just $1.99* a month!
With Bless+™️, you’ll get three additional “bless yous” per day, for just $1.99* a month!