That dog saved my life!

Lavos, the alien monster intent on destroying all life, has emerged from beneath the planet's surface to endorse Andrew Cuomo in the New York City mayoral race. "Cuomo has the experience and character necessary to lead," said Lavos, while fire rained from the sky

TIL: When the Original Star Wars Trilogy finally aired on Chilean TV in 2003, the network spliced custom beer commercials into the films themselves to avoid cutting to commercial breaks.

these additional scenes turn Obi-Wan & Luke into raging space alcoholics who are constantly shotgunning booze.

What is the lifespan of software? What if you make software that's silly and full of whimsy? Will people remember it? Anyway, here's a video someone recently posted of “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan performed through the composer feature in Mario Paint, a game released on Super Nintendo in 1992

Occasionally someone on here tries to "Come for me" but I'm simply too old to have online beef. You are a barking chihuahua and I am the silent oak tree (200 years old)

theonion.com/show-me-wher...

When Clive Barker was working on the MUMMY remake for Universal in the early '90s, he had a trans character in the script, and when the studio vetoed it, he basically said "I really can't stress how much I don't need to fucking make THE MUMMY" and left.

Oh my god you want me to find "evidence" before putting someone in jail? Every time?? Do you have any idea how long that would take

I will be retaliating against these tariffs by making my posts 20% longer, taxing the most valuable resource of all, time, which you are now wasting more of if you kept reading all the way to the end here

you’re fired. wait you’re rehired. email us a list of things you’ve done today wait forget it you’re fired again. come back your job was important. you’re fired. or hired. come in to the office. wait the office has no computers go home. we are the department of government efficiency.

As a free thinker alpha male one of my highest values is unquestioning obedience to authority. Boss knows best, that's why he's the boss

We've finally defeated cancel culture. Now people only get fired for criticizing the government

Blue sky is awesome because a bunch of people who like to make jokes and a bunch of people who are incapable of identifying a joke are forced to share space

posting on here sometimes feels like dunking on toddlers in basketball

The trick to garlic bread is to make at least 5 times too much of it then eat it all hunched over in the corner of the basement like a rat

as a gamer ive eliminated thousands of moo deng like creatures for their various parts . Ive completed countless quests using their pain

Hi everyone.

The Onion, with the help of the Sandy Hook families, has purchased InfoWars.

We are planning on making it a very funny, very stupid website.

We have retained the services of some Onion and Clickhole Hall of Famers to pull this off.

I can't wait to show you what we have cooked up.