real bummer finding out that literally everything was on the honor system this whole time

This is really good, and maybe it will reach you at the right moment.

you may shit on the tourist hot spots … but when you see a couple of girlies in full winter-vacation-in-new-york drag — fluffy earmuffs, sparkly nails, looooong white coats, fur lined boots — eating cart hot dogs on a corner in herald square? that’s amore

leggo my eggo is the only company slogan i can think of that starts in medias res. no time to get your bearings, you're already in a fight for this waffle

Gimme Magritte, boys, and free my soul / Ceci n’est pas une rock ‘n’ roll / Green apple face

Learned tonight that the opening bars to “Sugar We’re Going Down” by Fall Out Boy and “Higher” by Creed sound exactly the same when played over a busy bar’s sound system, and then they get to the singing and you look like you were excited for a Creed song

hard to believe Jolene wrote Heads Up Dolly and I'm Gonna Fuck Your Husband on the SAME DAY

I still believe David Bowie died and it really all went downhill from there.

Dorothy Parker to Robert Benchley, December 31, 1929. Happy New Year!

me 2 years after an argument: ☝🏻and ANOTHER THING-

Jay Leno is French for “I have the no”

Uncle Frank is really the adult who has it all figured out in the Home Alone movies when you think about it. Gets people to fly him first class to Paris, loves to sing, serves shrimp to the hungry children despite the other adults protesting.

starting Bluesky on Christmas Day, what could go wrong