Patches
@mostlycheese.bsky.social
Reposted by Patches
[Couples' Counselling]
My wife: "I'm leaving if he doesn't stop talking in corporate cliches."
Me (in tears): "Please don't downsize our unit!"
My wife: "I'm leaving if he doesn't stop talking in corporate cliches."
Me (in tears): "Please don't downsize our unit!"
November 5, 2025 at 12:21 PM
[Couples' Counselling]
My wife: "I'm leaving if he doesn't stop talking in corporate cliches."
Me (in tears): "Please don't downsize our unit!"
My wife: "I'm leaving if he doesn't stop talking in corporate cliches."
Me (in tears): "Please don't downsize our unit!"
GUY TALKING ON HIS CELL: the cops want to pay my company to reconstruct a murder scene
ME: *under my breath* they're gonna make a killing
ME: *under my breath* they're gonna make a killing
October 21, 2025 at 1:39 PM
GUY TALKING ON HIS CELL: the cops want to pay my company to reconstruct a murder scene
ME: *under my breath* they're gonna make a killing
ME: *under my breath* they're gonna make a killing
Reposted by Patches
Perhaps today will be Good™️ instead of the usual Very Bad™️
September 19, 2025 at 3:23 PM
Perhaps today will be Good™️ instead of the usual Very Bad™️
If growing up Catholic taught me anything, it's that it's perfectly safe for 300 people to drink from the same cup as long as you give the rim a little wipe with a napkin each time.
September 19, 2025 at 3:24 PM
If growing up Catholic taught me anything, it's that it's perfectly safe for 300 people to drink from the same cup as long as you give the rim a little wipe with a napkin each time.
Reposted by Patches
Everyone seems allergic to the word, but Charlie Kirk was not an activist, he was a propagandist. Turning Point was a meme factory backed by a billionaire designed to steer kids towards Christian Nationalism. He didn’t advocate for policy; he spun narratives to change beliefs. Propaganda.
September 11, 2025 at 4:55 PM
Everyone seems allergic to the word, but Charlie Kirk was not an activist, he was a propagandist. Turning Point was a meme factory backed by a billionaire designed to steer kids towards Christian Nationalism. He didn’t advocate for policy; he spun narratives to change beliefs. Propaganda.
It's not hard.
Murder and acts of political violence are wrong.
AND ... making money and harming real people by mainstreaming bigotry, misogyny, and fascism, while also promoting violence, are also wrong.
AND ... that the latter leads to the former is not surprising.
Murder and acts of political violence are wrong.
AND ... making money and harming real people by mainstreaming bigotry, misogyny, and fascism, while also promoting violence, are also wrong.
AND ... that the latter leads to the former is not surprising.
September 12, 2025 at 2:00 PM
It's not hard.
Murder and acts of political violence are wrong.
AND ... making money and harming real people by mainstreaming bigotry, misogyny, and fascism, while also promoting violence, are also wrong.
AND ... that the latter leads to the former is not surprising.
Murder and acts of political violence are wrong.
AND ... making money and harming real people by mainstreaming bigotry, misogyny, and fascism, while also promoting violence, are also wrong.
AND ... that the latter leads to the former is not surprising.
I wasn't done reading Codependent No More but I returned it early anyway because Libby said two people were waiting 😭
September 2, 2025 at 7:26 PM
I wasn't done reading Codependent No More but I returned it early anyway because Libby said two people were waiting 😭
When your friend tells you he's gonna be a dad the polite reply is "Congratulations, idiot."
August 31, 2025 at 7:30 PM
When your friend tells you he's gonna be a dad the polite reply is "Congratulations, idiot."
Reposted by Patches
Making them wear high-visibility vests over camo is such a good joke you couldn’t write it
National Guard is now tasked with picking up garbage in DC
August 26, 2025 at 11:41 PM
Making them wear high-visibility vests over camo is such a good joke you couldn’t write it
I'm sorry, but if the phrase "wash out the pan" appears anywhere in your "one-pan" recipe, then legally it is not a one-pan recipe.
August 26, 2025 at 2:10 PM
I'm sorry, but if the phrase "wash out the pan" appears anywhere in your "one-pan" recipe, then legally it is not a one-pan recipe.
those french fries were horrible and I should know I ate every last one of them
August 22, 2025 at 1:16 AM
those french fries were horrible and I should know I ate every last one of them
Biscuit. Triscuit. Quadriscuit. Quintiscuit...
August 20, 2025 at 8:35 PM
Biscuit. Triscuit. Quadriscuit. Quintiscuit...
My cat when we close the bedroom door
May 27, 2025 at 3:06 AM
My cat when we close the bedroom door
I love how in spring trees just spooge everywhere and we humans are all like oh no not in my eyes achoo
May 18, 2025 at 5:10 PM
I love how in spring trees just spooge everywhere and we humans are all like oh no not in my eyes achoo
ME: hey I can't find my phone, can you call it for me
FRIEND: it's right there on the table
ME: [changed the ringtone last night to the theme from Night Court] just do it
FRIEND: it's right there on the table
ME: [changed the ringtone last night to the theme from Night Court] just do it
April 12, 2025 at 12:19 PM
ME: hey I can't find my phone, can you call it for me
FRIEND: it's right there on the table
ME: [changed the ringtone last night to the theme from Night Court] just do it
FRIEND: it's right there on the table
ME: [changed the ringtone last night to the theme from Night Court] just do it
Perhaps my biggest irrational fear as a child was becoming a professional baseball player and having some kid with a terminal disease ask me to hit a home run for him and I'm like sure kid then go 0-4 with 3 Ks
April 7, 2025 at 2:04 AM
Perhaps my biggest irrational fear as a child was becoming a professional baseball player and having some kid with a terminal disease ask me to hit a home run for him and I'm like sure kid then go 0-4 with 3 Ks
Moby Dick wasn't the only song to make me fall in love with rock tracks with no lyrics, but it was instrumental.
March 17, 2025 at 5:14 PM
Moby Dick wasn't the only song to make me fall in love with rock tracks with no lyrics, but it was instrumental.
Reposted by Patches
helpful graphic re: severe weather. stay safe my friends
March 15, 2025 at 1:40 AM
helpful graphic re: severe weather. stay safe my friends
Reposted by Patches
[after seeing a sign for pet fencing] omg imagine the little swords
March 14, 2025 at 2:00 PM
[after seeing a sign for pet fencing] omg imagine the little swords
Reposted by Patches
Innocent protesters are arrested for their political views while fans of Steely Dan walk free make it make sense
March 13, 2025 at 9:26 PM
Innocent protesters are arrested for their political views while fans of Steely Dan walk free make it make sense
LPT: Leave. For anywhere. Just go. Tonight.
March 13, 2025 at 7:33 PM
LPT: Leave. For anywhere. Just go. Tonight.
Reposted by Patches
Sure I could spend all day reading choose your own adventure books but to what end?
March 7, 2025 at 7:20 PM
Sure I could spend all day reading choose your own adventure books but to what end?
I can't make fried rice in the microwave anymore because of wok.
March 7, 2025 at 7:00 PM
I can't make fried rice in the microwave anymore because of wok.