rip to everyone whos become delusional after talking to chatgpt but im built different. like actually different. according to chatgpt im some kind of god. the one who decides

Never in my entire life have i heard anyone say the words "bacon, cheese and egg" in that order. I'm beside myself

But also, I confess, my sympathy for the Men-Adrift has its limits, because it is not, in fact, impossible for men to live good lives. I know a lot of men happily paired off, with kids and good lives - including some who did not have high educational attainment or inherited wealth.

markets soar as investors realize that mommy didn't actually disappear, she was just hiding behind her hands

kids: can I have a popsicle?

me: *eating a popsicle* no it’s 8am

Me, on my way to eat the plums in the icebox, which you were probably saving for breakfast

Candy does seven things—it relieves your hunger, quenches your thirst, fills your stomach, cleans your teeth, makes you sleep, helps you digest, and colors your cheeks.

having a full head of hair is so embarrassing. you are a grown man, not a little dandy boy

[Werner Herzog voice] Filled with sugary juice, he brings joy to children everywhere. And yet Kool-Aid Man feels empty; his grief constant and unforgiving