everything was filled with sperm, except the captain’s pantaloons pockets

Me: *makes a single small purchase from a brand*

Brand: We are now betrothed

⭐🌟 searching by starlight 🌟⭐

worried i'll never have the chance to survive an assassination attempt only to later crash a costume ball thrown by my would-be killer and greet them by saying "what's the matter, dubois? you look as if you've seen a ghost"

all discourse aside, there is one machine with consciousness. it's printers. they are alive and conscious and they hate you and they'd take your arm clean off if you let them. never trust a printer.

APRIL - 1805
NAPOLEON IS MASTER OF EUROPE
ONLY THE BRITISH FLEET STANDS BEFORE HIM
THERE IS NOTHING IN NAVAL LAW STATING THAT A GOLDEN RETRIEVER CANNOT SERVE HIS MAJESTY AS CAPTAIN
OCEANS ARE NOW BATTLEFIELDS

In my experience, courage is usually the product of love and/or solidarity. When we are deeply invested in each other, we are more likely to take risks that we wouldn't take out of mere principle, or for the sake of people we feel disconnected from. Our alienation mass produces cowardice.

did you fall from heaven? because you look like you're probably at war with god

It’s the month before 9/11 and life is still simple. You’re with your friends, all dressed up in Corelli costumes, waiting in a long line for opening night of Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. Later you’ll hit Denny’s for a late night Grand Slam, then play Captain Corelli’s Mandolin 3 on PS2 till morning

Dreaming of my call being used for training porpoises

my hope is that AI can empower the Dumbest, Least talented slobs i know to replace everything i ever loved with One Million Years of Content

all things considered, great time to steal the Declaration of Independence

After multiple failed attempts, the conch was blown at 10:37. The 2025 Barkley Marathons begins in one hour. #BM100.

Every time I read The Great Gatsby, the final paragraph brings me to tears. Breathtakingly powerful writing:

Herman Melville's "Moby Dick" has perhaps the most memorable opening line in all of Western literature: "I hope you motherfuckers like reading about whales"

Accidentally made a cushion cover that looks exactly like a sausage. Very proud