Inside you are two wolves. And several Antarctic researchers. And a perfect-down-to-the-molecule copy of Wilford Brimley. You are The Thing.

When you take over the wrong player in coverage by mistake on Madden:

I will not tolerate any Jim Carrey Grinch slander in this timeline, that movie is a national treasure

I still think this is the greatest joke of all time

me: i heard you do a terrible owl impression

him: where

me: holy shit that is bad

When you hit B instead of A in Madden and it works out anyway

Ok, wait, apparently Rockwall had TWO punters on the field... and neither of them grabbed the snap.

disney exec: it’s about a guy who thinks he’s a monkey lol. probably don’t need anything too crazy for the soundtrack.

phil collins: [eyes glowing white, levitating above the ground] no

“What radicalized you?” Bro I was told to treat people the way I would want to be treated in kindergarten and it made sense idk what else there is to say

To the caretakers of this site that were here well before the mass exodus from The Bad Place, and who kept it humming along peacefully, I just have one thing to say.

Thank you. 🙏🏾