chandaconda
@chandaconda.bsky.social
nothing to see here | Chicago | Queer | crazy, spooky, scary, hilarious
Yeah you’ve tried marry me chicken but have you tried scissor me chicken?
December 30, 2024 at 3:38 AM
Yeah you’ve tried marry me chicken but have you tried scissor me chicken?
Reposted by chandaconda
his claim may have been denied but his face card is not. 😮💨
December 11, 2024 at 1:13 AM
his claim may have been denied but his face card is not. 😮💨
Reposted by chandaconda
Marisa Tomei turns 60 Wednesday but she still looks 30 Tomei.
December 4, 2024 at 5:03 PM
Marisa Tomei turns 60 Wednesday but she still looks 30 Tomei.
Drove for an hour with no sound. Surely this is nothing but the best of signs about my mental wellness.
December 2, 2024 at 9:04 PM
Drove for an hour with no sound. Surely this is nothing but the best of signs about my mental wellness.
Reposted by chandaconda
I am so full of pie they may as well use my body to chart data
December 2, 2024 at 3:35 AM
I am so full of pie they may as well use my body to chart data
I neeeeeeeeed soup
December 1, 2024 at 10:29 PM
I neeeeeeeeed soup
Reposted by chandaconda
For those who asked, my first Thanksgiving drink was a hot Carmel macchiato spiked with Grand Mariner. Official time of drink: 10 am, PT.
November 28, 2024 at 7:15 PM
For those who asked, my first Thanksgiving drink was a hot Carmel macchiato spiked with Grand Mariner. Official time of drink: 10 am, PT.
Reposted by chandaconda
when i say "we should have a coffee some time" i don't mean together. i'm just assuming each of us would enjoy it, separately, and in general
November 28, 2024 at 12:22 PM
when i say "we should have a coffee some time" i don't mean together. i'm just assuming each of us would enjoy it, separately, and in general
Reposted by chandaconda
Due to a Covid conflict I am suddenly unexpectedly hosting Thanksgiving dinner at my home tomorrow. So naturally what I’m doing about it is laying down and not moving
November 27, 2024 at 5:35 PM
Due to a Covid conflict I am suddenly unexpectedly hosting Thanksgiving dinner at my home tomorrow. So naturally what I’m doing about it is laying down and not moving
Reposted by chandaconda
I turned down a marriage proposal from my boyfriend only because I’d miss premarital sex.
November 27, 2024 at 8:49 AM
I turned down a marriage proposal from my boyfriend only because I’d miss premarital sex.
Reposted by chandaconda
if you're working today* you're allowed to have two beers on the clock
*this is the exception for americans and the guaranteed by law minimum for europeans
*this is the exception for americans and the guaranteed by law minimum for europeans
November 27, 2024 at 1:25 PM
if you're working today* you're allowed to have two beers on the clock
*this is the exception for americans and the guaranteed by law minimum for europeans
*this is the exception for americans and the guaranteed by law minimum for europeans
Reposted by chandaconda
At my funeral there’ll be a 37 minute montage of me trying to find something to watch on Netflix
November 27, 2024 at 11:53 AM
At my funeral there’ll be a 37 minute montage of me trying to find something to watch on Netflix
Reposted by chandaconda
Black hole with pseudo-C64 aesthetics.
November 26, 2024 at 9:35 AM
Black hole with pseudo-C64 aesthetics.
Reposted by chandaconda
Monday is a terrible way to spend 1/7th of your life.
November 25, 2024 at 10:18 PM
Monday is a terrible way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Reposted by chandaconda
Unlocked an achievement irl
November 18, 2024 at 4:28 AM
Unlocked an achievement irl
Reposted by chandaconda
My superpower is I can tell whenever the coffee cups in a tv show are empty. Law & Order hasn’t seen a wet cup in 30 years.
November 25, 2024 at 1:35 AM
My superpower is I can tell whenever the coffee cups in a tv show are empty. Law & Order hasn’t seen a wet cup in 30 years.
I’ve got Adele Dazeem brain today
November 25, 2024 at 5:28 PM
I’ve got Adele Dazeem brain today
Reposted by chandaconda
“No worries if not,” I whisper to the 000 operator after asking for emergency services to winch me out of a ravine.
November 24, 2024 at 11:27 AM
“No worries if not,” I whisper to the 000 operator after asking for emergency services to winch me out of a ravine.
Reposted by chandaconda
Reposted by chandaconda
My wife and I are at the age where we wake up, drink coffee and just continuously clear our throats for 45 mins.
November 22, 2024 at 11:20 AM
My wife and I are at the age where we wake up, drink coffee and just continuously clear our throats for 45 mins.
It’s Friday I should literally just be hanging out what the heck
November 22, 2024 at 4:45 PM
It’s Friday I should literally just be hanging out what the heck
Reposted by chandaconda
Did you know that by substituting your morning coffee with green tea, you can eliminate up to 93% of what little joy you have left?
November 21, 2024 at 9:17 AM
Did you know that by substituting your morning coffee with green tea, you can eliminate up to 93% of what little joy you have left?