Captain Awesomepants
@captawesomepants.bsky.social
Ladies and Gentleman and Otherwise... this is your Captain speaking... unbuckle, it's been a bumpy ride, and you deserve something smoother.
🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🇭🇲🟥🟪🟦He/Him
🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🇭🇲🟥🟪🟦He/Him
When The Internet was invented, it took it about 8.4 minutes to go from "Science Fiction" to "HORNY".
Why are we shocked about AI bots being sycophantic and pleasy?
Why are we shocked about AI bots being sycophantic and pleasy?
September 3, 2025 at 7:12 AM
When The Internet was invented, it took it about 8.4 minutes to go from "Science Fiction" to "HORNY".
Why are we shocked about AI bots being sycophantic and pleasy?
Why are we shocked about AI bots being sycophantic and pleasy?
Reposted by Captain Awesomepants
thedailyaus.com.au/sport/first-...
In light of this awesomeness, I'd like to remark that we all need to say "bi" more often, where it fits. Especially with bi men. Freddie Mercury? Bi. The character Mickey from Shameless? Bi. Visibility matters. #bisexual #LGBT #queer #pride
In light of this awesomeness, I'd like to remark that we all need to say "bi" more often, where it fits. Especially with bi men. Freddie Mercury? Bi. The character Mickey from Shameless? Bi. Visibility matters. #bisexual #LGBT #queer #pride
thedailyaus.com.au
August 28, 2025 at 7:22 AM
thedailyaus.com.au/sport/first-...
In light of this awesomeness, I'd like to remark that we all need to say "bi" more often, where it fits. Especially with bi men. Freddie Mercury? Bi. The character Mickey from Shameless? Bi. Visibility matters. #bisexual #LGBT #queer #pride
In light of this awesomeness, I'd like to remark that we all need to say "bi" more often, where it fits. Especially with bi men. Freddie Mercury? Bi. The character Mickey from Shameless? Bi. Visibility matters. #bisexual #LGBT #queer #pride
@hankgreen.bsky.social Had an AWESOME dream last night. ScarJo was funding a website you wanted me to build and you were Zoomed into the meeting and projected onto the 2-storey wall and SO excited.
I've emailed you the rest, so if you like the idea let me know, and also you might be insane.
I've emailed you the rest, so if you like the idea let me know, and also you might be insane.
August 21, 2025 at 8:23 AM
@hankgreen.bsky.social Had an AWESOME dream last night. ScarJo was funding a website you wanted me to build and you were Zoomed into the meeting and projected onto the 2-storey wall and SO excited.
I've emailed you the rest, so if you like the idea let me know, and also you might be insane.
I've emailed you the rest, so if you like the idea let me know, and also you might be insane.
It's not ALL fun here in the Awesomepants Household.
I once accidentally clicked "Do Not Recommend" on YT and I haven't had a single episode of Binging With Babish recommended to me in months, and now I have to physically navigate to the channel to watch my Anime With Alvin.
hashtagRealSuffering
I once accidentally clicked "Do Not Recommend" on YT and I haven't had a single episode of Binging With Babish recommended to me in months, and now I have to physically navigate to the channel to watch my Anime With Alvin.
hashtagRealSuffering
January 26, 2025 at 8:55 AM
It's not ALL fun here in the Awesomepants Household.
I once accidentally clicked "Do Not Recommend" on YT and I haven't had a single episode of Binging With Babish recommended to me in months, and now I have to physically navigate to the channel to watch my Anime With Alvin.
hashtagRealSuffering
I once accidentally clicked "Do Not Recommend" on YT and I haven't had a single episode of Binging With Babish recommended to me in months, and now I have to physically navigate to the channel to watch my Anime With Alvin.
hashtagRealSuffering
I watch enough Cooking Content to know that Presentation IS Everything.
And by "presentation" I mean "I stand there and tell you about how pretty it was before I cut it all up and mixed it all together into a slopfest bowl worthy of standards-lacking pets or farm animals."
Fucken delicious though.
And by "presentation" I mean "I stand there and tell you about how pretty it was before I cut it all up and mixed it all together into a slopfest bowl worthy of standards-lacking pets or farm animals."
Fucken delicious though.
January 26, 2025 at 7:01 AM
I watch enough Cooking Content to know that Presentation IS Everything.
And by "presentation" I mean "I stand there and tell you about how pretty it was before I cut it all up and mixed it all together into a slopfest bowl worthy of standards-lacking pets or farm animals."
Fucken delicious though.
And by "presentation" I mean "I stand there and tell you about how pretty it was before I cut it all up and mixed it all together into a slopfest bowl worthy of standards-lacking pets or farm animals."
Fucken delicious though.
Reposted by Captain Awesomepants
me: *would literally give my life for my kids*
my kids: gross, you bought the bad bread again
my kids: gross, you bought the bad bread again
January 23, 2025 at 1:04 PM
me: *would literally give my life for my kids*
my kids: gross, you bought the bad bread again
my kids: gross, you bought the bad bread again
Let's be honest, if I'm a monkey, I'm going to try and fuck anything I can because nothing is more hilarious.
January 24, 2025 at 4:47 PM
Let's be honest, if I'm a monkey, I'm going to try and fuck anything I can because nothing is more hilarious.
It is surprisingly difficult to convince your Wifeage that the eggy smell is the toaster and not your butt. Even suggesting Offspring might've put something funky in there didn't work.
NOTE TO SELF: Fart near the stove next time, blame "gas" leak.
Like and subscribe for more Marriage Tips!
NOTE TO SELF: Fart near the stove next time, blame "gas" leak.
Like and subscribe for more Marriage Tips!
January 24, 2025 at 4:44 PM
It is surprisingly difficult to convince your Wifeage that the eggy smell is the toaster and not your butt. Even suggesting Offspring might've put something funky in there didn't work.
NOTE TO SELF: Fart near the stove next time, blame "gas" leak.
Like and subscribe for more Marriage Tips!
NOTE TO SELF: Fart near the stove next time, blame "gas" leak.
Like and subscribe for more Marriage Tips!
Why is it being alerted to some things is always a bad thing?
Like, nobody ever gets a scan and finds an EXTRA organ helping liver or something. You never pop the hood on your car and find a spare battery.
And if I can smell my own balls from here? Well... it's not my Maple Pancakes Body Spray.
Like, nobody ever gets a scan and finds an EXTRA organ helping liver or something. You never pop the hood on your car and find a spare battery.
And if I can smell my own balls from here? Well... it's not my Maple Pancakes Body Spray.
January 24, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Why is it being alerted to some things is always a bad thing?
Like, nobody ever gets a scan and finds an EXTRA organ helping liver or something. You never pop the hood on your car and find a spare battery.
And if I can smell my own balls from here? Well... it's not my Maple Pancakes Body Spray.
Like, nobody ever gets a scan and finds an EXTRA organ helping liver or something. You never pop the hood on your car and find a spare battery.
And if I can smell my own balls from here? Well... it's not my Maple Pancakes Body Spray.
Saw a guy at the shops and when he said, "Hey, how have you been?" I just grabbed his hand, pulled him into a bro-hug and chatted for 10 minutes.
Later I realised he was smiling and happy to see the lady NEXT to me, and now I have this weird feeling.
Is this what it's like for others?
Weird.
Later I realised he was smiling and happy to see the lady NEXT to me, and now I have this weird feeling.
Is this what it's like for others?
Weird.
January 24, 2025 at 4:13 PM
Saw a guy at the shops and when he said, "Hey, how have you been?" I just grabbed his hand, pulled him into a bro-hug and chatted for 10 minutes.
Later I realised he was smiling and happy to see the lady NEXT to me, and now I have this weird feeling.
Is this what it's like for others?
Weird.
Later I realised he was smiling and happy to see the lady NEXT to me, and now I have this weird feeling.
Is this what it's like for others?
Weird.
Reposted by Captain Awesomepants
Keep your friends close….
January 24, 2025 at 12:02 PM
Keep your friends close….
Aussies have it figured out. Nicknames and name-shortenings are important.
They're what keep "Winnie the Pooh" from being "Winifred the Feces".
They're what keep "Winnie the Pooh" from being "Winifred the Feces".
January 24, 2025 at 3:30 PM
Aussies have it figured out. Nicknames and name-shortenings are important.
They're what keep "Winnie the Pooh" from being "Winifred the Feces".
They're what keep "Winnie the Pooh" from being "Winifred the Feces".
Reposted by Captain Awesomepants
'Hey, eating penis in bed since you're away'
-'WHAT?!'
'Voice-to-text is awful with all these nuts in my mouth'
[Hubby bursts in, peanuts everywhere]
-'WHAT?!'
'Voice-to-text is awful with all these nuts in my mouth'
[Hubby bursts in, peanuts everywhere]
January 24, 2025 at 2:45 PM
'Hey, eating penis in bed since you're away'
-'WHAT?!'
'Voice-to-text is awful with all these nuts in my mouth'
[Hubby bursts in, peanuts everywhere]
-'WHAT?!'
'Voice-to-text is awful with all these nuts in my mouth'
[Hubby bursts in, peanuts everywhere]
Reposted by Captain Awesomepants
Reposted by Captain Awesomepants
Studies have shown that fuck all this shit
January 24, 2025 at 3:29 AM
Studies have shown that fuck all this shit
You win some, some lose you.
[NOTE: This was totally Wifeage because she's actually 83% more quotable than an entire book of quotable quotes.]
[NOTE: This was totally Wifeage because she's actually 83% more quotable than an entire book of quotable quotes.]
January 24, 2025 at 11:16 AM
You win some, some lose you.
[NOTE: This was totally Wifeage because she's actually 83% more quotable than an entire book of quotable quotes.]
[NOTE: This was totally Wifeage because she's actually 83% more quotable than an entire book of quotable quotes.]
TeenageDaughter is "apparently" an ADULT today.
Like, the calendar changes and suddenly you're expected to just KNOW not spend too much money or drink too much?
Fuck that shit. I only figured out ONE of those like just the other year.
HAPPY BDAY @bunshr00m.bsky.social !
I Love You, and Good Luck.
Like, the calendar changes and suddenly you're expected to just KNOW not spend too much money or drink too much?
Fuck that shit. I only figured out ONE of those like just the other year.
HAPPY BDAY @bunshr00m.bsky.social !
I Love You, and Good Luck.
January 24, 2025 at 6:41 AM
TeenageDaughter is "apparently" an ADULT today.
Like, the calendar changes and suddenly you're expected to just KNOW not spend too much money or drink too much?
Fuck that shit. I only figured out ONE of those like just the other year.
HAPPY BDAY @bunshr00m.bsky.social !
I Love You, and Good Luck.
Like, the calendar changes and suddenly you're expected to just KNOW not spend too much money or drink too much?
Fuck that shit. I only figured out ONE of those like just the other year.
HAPPY BDAY @bunshr00m.bsky.social !
I Love You, and Good Luck.
Me: I have decided I can now make samurai swords.
Daughter: Lots of lesbians like swords, apparently.
Me: I have decided I am now making A Lesbian Sword.
Daughter: Lots of lesbians like swords, apparently.
Me: I have decided I am now making A Lesbian Sword.
January 24, 2025 at 6:35 AM
Me: I have decided I can now make samurai swords.
Daughter: Lots of lesbians like swords, apparently.
Me: I have decided I am now making A Lesbian Sword.
Daughter: Lots of lesbians like swords, apparently.
Me: I have decided I am now making A Lesbian Sword.
Skinning things is weird.
Apple - Discard and make a pie!
Potato - Leave on for nutrition, discard for fries!
Chicken - Discard for health!
Pig - Leave on and make crackle snacks!
Cow - Make shoes! And expensive jackets!
For The Record: I would wear THE SHIT outta some chicken-potato shoes.
Apple - Discard and make a pie!
Potato - Leave on for nutrition, discard for fries!
Chicken - Discard for health!
Pig - Leave on and make crackle snacks!
Cow - Make shoes! And expensive jackets!
For The Record: I would wear THE SHIT outta some chicken-potato shoes.
January 24, 2025 at 6:33 AM
Skinning things is weird.
Apple - Discard and make a pie!
Potato - Leave on for nutrition, discard for fries!
Chicken - Discard for health!
Pig - Leave on and make crackle snacks!
Cow - Make shoes! And expensive jackets!
For The Record: I would wear THE SHIT outta some chicken-potato shoes.
Apple - Discard and make a pie!
Potato - Leave on for nutrition, discard for fries!
Chicken - Discard for health!
Pig - Leave on and make crackle snacks!
Cow - Make shoes! And expensive jackets!
For The Record: I would wear THE SHIT outta some chicken-potato shoes.
Nobody:
Minecraft: We added Copper Ore and Ingots!
Me: Sweet, so we can make tools and armour from them?
Minecraft: Lol, no.
Minecraft: We added Copper Ore and Ingots!
Me: Sweet, so we can make tools and armour from them?
Minecraft: Lol, no.
January 24, 2025 at 6:18 AM
Nobody:
Minecraft: We added Copper Ore and Ingots!
Me: Sweet, so we can make tools and armour from them?
Minecraft: Lol, no.
Minecraft: We added Copper Ore and Ingots!
Me: Sweet, so we can make tools and armour from them?
Minecraft: Lol, no.
Can't even imagine anyone could be surprised by this.
I mean... isn't it obvious?
I mean... isn't it obvious?
January 24, 2025 at 6:14 AM
Can't even imagine anyone could be surprised by this.
I mean... isn't it obvious?
I mean... isn't it obvious?
Reposted by Captain Awesomepants
Women belong in the kitchen.
Men belong in the kitchen.
Everyone belongs in the kitchen... The kitchen has FOOD.
Men belong in the kitchen.
Everyone belongs in the kitchen... The kitchen has FOOD.
January 24, 2025 at 3:17 AM
Women belong in the kitchen.
Men belong in the kitchen.
Everyone belongs in the kitchen... The kitchen has FOOD.
Men belong in the kitchen.
Everyone belongs in the kitchen... The kitchen has FOOD.
I've been poking their wiggly-nose-bits and trying to make them bearsneeze, so it's good to know where I've been going wrong.
Also, I think "use bear spray" is apt for nearly ANY situation. Like 99.9% of the time. Bears Not Necessary.
Also, I think "use bear spray" is apt for nearly ANY situation. Like 99.9% of the time. Bears Not Necessary.
Bear safety tip: if you encounter an aggressive grizzly bear (bluff charging, stomping, vocalizing, etc), NEVER RUN. DO NOT back off. That bear will chase you!
Don't fight or return aggression to a brown bear. You will lose.
What do you do? Stand. Your. Ground.
Use bear spray if needed.
Ya feel me?
Don't fight or return aggression to a brown bear. You will lose.
What do you do? Stand. Your. Ground.
Use bear spray if needed.
Ya feel me?
January 23, 2025 at 1:08 PM
I've been poking their wiggly-nose-bits and trying to make them bearsneeze, so it's good to know where I've been going wrong.
Also, I think "use bear spray" is apt for nearly ANY situation. Like 99.9% of the time. Bears Not Necessary.
Also, I think "use bear spray" is apt for nearly ANY situation. Like 99.9% of the time. Bears Not Necessary.
TOUGH LOVE TIME: Stop all the whinin' & cryin' about the Fascists and Shit.
Why? Because it's WHAT THEY WANT.
They WANT you scared, sad, and crying about it. Because then you're not doing anything to stop them.
Well FUCK THEM.
REBEL. If it's all you can do, do something nice. Hug somebody. Smile.
Why? Because it's WHAT THEY WANT.
They WANT you scared, sad, and crying about it. Because then you're not doing anything to stop them.
Well FUCK THEM.
REBEL. If it's all you can do, do something nice. Hug somebody. Smile.
January 23, 2025 at 12:48 PM
TOUGH LOVE TIME: Stop all the whinin' & cryin' about the Fascists and Shit.
Why? Because it's WHAT THEY WANT.
They WANT you scared, sad, and crying about it. Because then you're not doing anything to stop them.
Well FUCK THEM.
REBEL. If it's all you can do, do something nice. Hug somebody. Smile.
Why? Because it's WHAT THEY WANT.
They WANT you scared, sad, and crying about it. Because then you're not doing anything to stop them.
Well FUCK THEM.
REBEL. If it's all you can do, do something nice. Hug somebody. Smile.
Reposted by Captain Awesomepants
F*ck me it is very easy to give into despair at the moment. Which is when I fall back on some more of my Oma's advice - when all seems lost, keep going just to spite those you fight against.
If all else fails, exist to spite someone you can't stand 😉
If all else fails, exist to spite someone you can't stand 😉
January 23, 2025 at 5:59 AM
F*ck me it is very easy to give into despair at the moment. Which is when I fall back on some more of my Oma's advice - when all seems lost, keep going just to spite those you fight against.
If all else fails, exist to spite someone you can't stand 😉
If all else fails, exist to spite someone you can't stand 😉