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bzus.bsky.social
Bzus
@bzus.bsky.social
9 followers 4 following 120 posts
I'm not even here baby
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theonion.com
Man Already Having Bad Day Deported To Salvadoran Mega-Prison
Man Already Having Bad Day Deported To Salvadoran Mega-Prison
TECOLUCA, EL SALVADOR—Saying things had only gone downhill after a terrible morning, lawful U.S. resident Oscar Fernandez-Lopez, 38, stated Wednesday that he had already been having a bad day before b...
theonion.com
April 3, 2025 at 3:01 PM
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theonion.com
Trump Calmly Reminds Nation That Desire The Root Of All Suffering
theonion.com/trump-c...
Trump Calmly Reminds Nation That Desire The Root Of All Suffering
April 3, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Reposted by Bzus
theonion.com
Artist Profile: Morgan Wallen
theonion.com/artist-...
Fandom Name: Whites
April 3, 2025 at 10:30 PM
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moskov.goodventures.org
folks come on I didn’t mean to really do it
April 3, 2025 at 2:31 PM
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theonion.com
“Hope you aren’t too attached to whatever fancy crap you eat now, because those little wiener dogs in the cans are coming back on the menu in a big way,” said Donald Trump
theonion.com/trump-i...
Trump Informs Nation They Better Start Liking Those Little Canned Wieners
WASHINGTON—Saying that Americans should anticipate certain lifestyle changes as a result of his newly announced tariffs, President Donald Trump informed the nation Thursday that they better start liking those little canned wieners. “Hope you aren’t too attached to whatever fancy crap you eat now, because those little wiener dogs in the cans are coming back […]
theonion.com
April 4, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Reposted by Bzus
boto.bsky.social
BREAKING NEWS THE NINTENDO SWITCH 2 HAS BEEN CANCELED

THE NEXT SYSTEM IS WII U 2
January 16, 2025 at 2:34 AM
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thetigersez.bsky.social
Now that my body is falling apart I have to find someone who loves me for my personality, so I guess I’m dying alone now
January 14, 2025 at 10:59 PM
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theonion.com
Nation's Dog Owners Demand To Know Who's A Good Boy
theonion.com/nations...
Nation's Dog Owners Demand To Know Who's A Good Boy
January 14, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Reposted by Bzus
theonion.com
Sun Unsure What It Has To Do To Get Humans To Worship It Again
theonion.com/sun-uns...
Sun Unsure What It Has To Do To Get Humans To Worship It Again
January 14, 2025 at 5:00 PM
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raxkingisdead.bsky.social
i hear that sitting next to your book while fucking around on your phone is basically the same as reading
January 12, 2025 at 9:08 PM
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theonion.com
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Justin Trudeau
theonion.com/the-onions-e...
The Onion: Have you found a bright side to resigning as prime minister? Trudeau: You can’t get canceled for blackface if you don’t have a job.
January 9, 2025 at 6:53 PM
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theonion.com
Man Succumbs To 7-Year Battle With Health Insurance
theonion.com/man-suc...
Man Succumbs To 7-Year Battle With Health Insurance
January 10, 2025 at 3:00 PM
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theonion.com
Mark Zuckerberg Insists Anyone With Same Skewed Values And Unrelenting Thirst For Power Could Have Made Same Mistakes
theonion.com/mark-zu...
Mark Zuckerberg Insists Anyone With Same Skewed Values And Unrelenting Thirst For Power Could Have Made Same Mistakes
January 10, 2025 at 11:00 PM
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theonion.com
Man Dies After Secret 4-Year Battle With Gorilla
theonion.com/man-die...
Man Dies After Secret 4-Year Battle With Gorilla
January 8, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Reposted by Bzus
internethippo.bsky.social
(on my computer, typing to another guy who's also on the computer) Go outside nerd. Get off the computer
January 5, 2025 at 7:54 PM
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theonion.com
Existentialist Firefighter Delays 3 Deaths
theonion.com/existentiali...
Existentialist Firefighter Delays 3 Deaths
January 4, 2025 at 6:22 PM
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paperbackparadise.bsky.social
book
Illustrated book cover of an unconscious man on a stretcher being loaded into the back of an ambulance with a partially exploded building in the background. Title text reads TRIED TO SUCK MY OWN DICK Based on the inspirational true story by BRATT WORNTOE
August 1, 2024 at 8:47 PM
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jimmytwohands.bsky.social
George Washington’s cannot tell a lie story:
-apocryphal
-killed a tree for no reason, no more cherries for anyone
-owned slaves
Sir Mix-A-Lot’s cannot tell a lie story:
-historically accurate by first hand sources
-regarding the noble purpose of big butt appreciation
-never owned slaves
July 29, 2024 at 11:44 AM
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theonion.com
"My track record of never having gotten shot in the ear was very good, and was unfortunately the centerpiece of my speech for Thursday night."
Trump Rewrites RNC Speech To Remove All Mentions Of Never Getting Shot In Ear
MILWAUKEE—Following the chaotic events of the past 48 hours, former President Donald Trump reportedly rewrote his Republican National Convention acceptance speech Monday to remove all mentions of neve...
www.theonion.com
July 16, 2024 at 2:22 AM
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theonion.com
"Oh, shit, that was my job?"
Stressed-Out God Didn’t Realize He Was Supposed To Reincarnate All Those Dead People
THE HEAVENS—Groaning as He surveyed the massive piles of souls, a stressed-out God confirmed Tuesday that He had not realized He was supposed to reincarnate all those dead people. “Oh, shit, that was ...
www.theonion.com
July 2, 2024 at 5:36 PM
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theonion.com
"Our research suggests it’s really not acceptable that some people are able to have a pleasant or satisfying time being alive."
Report: It Not Fair Other People Get To Enjoy Their Lives
NEW YORK—A new report released Wednesday by the Columbia University Department of Sociology concluded it’s not fair that other people get to enjoy their lives. “Our research suggests it’s really not ...
www.theonion.com
July 3, 2024 at 9:45 PM
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ufw.bsky.social
Solidarity with those affected as Hurricane Beryl makes landfall.

Jamaica is home to thousands of farm workers who come yearly to the US on H2A visas, hundreds of whom are UFW members.

From deadly heat to extreme storms, farm workers are on the front lines of climate crisis.
Black background with the words: Solidarity with those affected as Hurricane Beryl makes landfall. Jamaica is home to thousands of farm workers who come yearly to the US on H2A visas, hundreds of whom are UFW members. From deadly heat to extreme storms, farm workers are on the front lines of climate crisis.
July 4, 2024 at 12:01 AM
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paperbackparadise.bsky.social
passion
Romance cover with a man holding onto a woman’s shoulders from behind as he passionately smells her neck. Title reads: SHE SMELLS LIKE HOTDOGS By Paula Dogsweat
July 1, 2024 at 7:56 PM
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paperbackparadise.bsky.social
Who's grilling dogs? Was the one question on everyone's mind whenever Linda walked into the room. A thick mist of delicious dog stink followed her wherever she went for She Smells Like Hotdogs - a gift given to her by God. Linda was red hot and all the boys wanted to take her out to the old ball game. Christopher thought he'd never fall in love until he smelled Linda's beef frank fragrance. Just one whiff and he knew he had to have her with ketchup and mustard. The two began to date and he relished every moment with her. Soon he will ask her to wear his onion ring. Will she say yes? Of will his heart explode like a hotdog in the microwave? PAPERBACK PARADISE The Romance You Wish You Could Have But is Actually Bad for Your Stomach EXCLUSIVE HOTDOG OFFER INSIDE: This is the President speaking and I am asking a great favor. Please send your leftover Fourth of July hotdogs to the White House - cooked or uncooked I want 'em. It is your patriotic duty to send me these dogs. I am bu
July 4, 2024 at 3:44 PM
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paperbackparadise.bsky.social
driving around town honking to spread the good news
July 5, 2024 at 9:31 PM