The fact that there might be a conclave so close to a movie about one has really motivated me to finish my screenplay "The Tech CEO Who Died of Diarrhea So Explosive The Coroner Said He Had No Lower Back to Speak Of"

The Edi Patterson Emmy campaign is now entering its 6th year let’s do this!!!

Okay last one probably. P.S. check the timestamp on that fucking Chris Pratt tweet because we Parks & Rec fans were always knowing lol. As soon as he hit Marvel fame we were just like… ooooooh, no. Only a matter of time. 😬

2 comments: One, now that I’m in my 40s I would like to update the “ma’am” tweet to say under 50, and two, goddamn my Twitter was Horny.

So I finally deleted my Twitter account. I did screenshot some of my favorite tweets I did and I’m going to put them here mostly for myself. It feels kind of douchey, but whatever, we’ll all be dead someday anyway.

gentle reminder that when you make jokes about the united health insurance ceo getting killed, your friends who are health insurance ceos will see them. but the united health insurance ceo won’t see them. because he’s dead

I like that this website does a bad job of showing the original tweet that's being replied to so your timeline just fills up with weird little snippets like "oh great, let's make babies even bigger" or "what about dog owners who need to use the bus?"

Me: now that I’m older & wiser I just want a normal, comfortable relationship

Also me: omg couple goals 😭

his palms are sweaty
knees weak
arms are heavy
there's

Alright here I go, this is my first tweet! Oh no.