Jesus was often late on his rent.
#HeGetsUs

Jesus walked on water but fell down a lot trying to water ski.
#HeGetsUs

They say we're all the hero in our own story but I'm actually the fat, funny friend in mine.

just had capital grille delivered, $375 for oysters on the half shell, two steak tartares, a lobster bisque, porcini rubbed bone-in ribeye, double cut lamb chops, pan seared sea bass, and a skillet hash brown with royal ossetra cavier. this is why people are unhappy with joe biden

the government just seized my Chinese food under eminent lo mein

Fans of a certain pizza chain looking to exercise some self-control take part in No Hut November.

A female-led Tommyknockers reboot entitled "Tammyknockers."

The only thing the classic science fiction writers got wrong is their assumption that there would be a future.

Breaker Box xkcd.com/2848

okay okay OKAY here are all 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

1. Slip out the back, Jack
2. Make a new plan, Stan
3. Hop on the bus, Gus
4. Drop off the key, Lee
5. Shit in the bed, Fred

i like Dick Butkus and i cannot lie

If I'm honest, some of my intelligence is artificial.

This week's comic: Man of the People