Australian Groan
@australiangroan.bsky.social
I told my wife that when I die, she has to print out a collection of my favourite dad jokes to hand out at my funeral.
I'm here to share my favorites and collect new ones.
I'm here to share my favorites and collect new ones.
Reposted by Australian Groan
When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room, and I used to clean his.
We were maid for each other.
We were maid for each other.
December 25, 2025 at 7:31 PM
When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room, and I used to clean his.
We were maid for each other.
We were maid for each other.
I was testing out my new trebuchet with the kids.
I said to my wife " Wow, look how far they went "
I said to my wife " Wow, look how far they went "
December 22, 2025 at 7:47 PM
I was testing out my new trebuchet with the kids.
I said to my wife " Wow, look how far they went "
I said to my wife " Wow, look how far they went "
"Let me take that off your plate" is a strong love language unless it's dark chocolate macadamia fudge brownies that are involved, in which case, and let me be clear, get away from me with your awful hate language
December 21, 2025 at 9:04 PM
"Let me take that off your plate" is a strong love language unless it's dark chocolate macadamia fudge brownies that are involved, in which case, and let me be clear, get away from me with your awful hate language
Just to make myself transparently clear, if I could choose to have one superpower, it would be invisibility.
December 19, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Just to make myself transparently clear, if I could choose to have one superpower, it would be invisibility.
We had to switch from sand-based kitty litter to clay-based because it turns out, our cats don’t believe in sandy claws.
December 19, 2025 at 8:19 PM
We had to switch from sand-based kitty litter to clay-based because it turns out, our cats don’t believe in sandy claws.
People are always asking me the secret of my delicious herb rolls.
I tell them it's all about when the herbs are picked.
For example, Christmas has the most wonderful thyme of the year.
I tell them it's all about when the herbs are picked.
For example, Christmas has the most wonderful thyme of the year.
December 17, 2025 at 9:26 PM
People are always asking me the secret of my delicious herb rolls.
I tell them it's all about when the herbs are picked.
For example, Christmas has the most wonderful thyme of the year.
I tell them it's all about when the herbs are picked.
For example, Christmas has the most wonderful thyme of the year.
i was in the supermarket yesterday and i saw a man and woman wrapped up in a barcode.
I said " Are you two an item?"
I said " Are you two an item?"
December 16, 2025 at 9:11 PM
i was in the supermarket yesterday and i saw a man and woman wrapped up in a barcode.
I said " Are you two an item?"
I said " Are you two an item?"
I accidently swallowed a toy Superman!
Luckily I'm a radiologist so I was able to search for the hero inside myself…
Luckily I'm a radiologist so I was able to search for the hero inside myself…
December 11, 2025 at 7:46 PM
I accidently swallowed a toy Superman!
Luckily I'm a radiologist so I was able to search for the hero inside myself…
Luckily I'm a radiologist so I was able to search for the hero inside myself…
"Doc, I'm having trouble with my hands. I keep making a lot of mistakes on my keyboard."
"Well, obviously the problem is with your blood."
"What do you mean?"
"You're Type O."
"Well, obviously the problem is with your blood."
"What do you mean?"
"You're Type O."
December 4, 2025 at 7:35 PM
"Doc, I'm having trouble with my hands. I keep making a lot of mistakes on my keyboard."
"Well, obviously the problem is with your blood."
"What do you mean?"
"You're Type O."
"Well, obviously the problem is with your blood."
"What do you mean?"
"You're Type O."
What do you call a large body of salt water that's very nice to you?
A decency!
A decency!
December 3, 2025 at 8:49 PM
What do you call a large body of salt water that's very nice to you?
A decency!
A decency!
Why did the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test?
He was an excellent parallel Parker.
He was an excellent parallel Parker.
December 3, 2025 at 8:47 PM
Why did the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test?
He was an excellent parallel Parker.
He was an excellent parallel Parker.
🚨 BREAKING SPORTS UPDATE 🚨
In an unexpected turn of events, officials have announced that tonight’s highly anticipated Superman vs Dracula showdown has been cancelled.
Sources close to the Man of Steel have confirmed the reason:
“He won’t go near the crypt tonight.”
In an unexpected turn of events, officials have announced that tonight’s highly anticipated Superman vs Dracula showdown has been cancelled.
Sources close to the Man of Steel have confirmed the reason:
“He won’t go near the crypt tonight.”
November 27, 2025 at 8:40 PM
🚨 BREAKING SPORTS UPDATE 🚨
In an unexpected turn of events, officials have announced that tonight’s highly anticipated Superman vs Dracula showdown has been cancelled.
Sources close to the Man of Steel have confirmed the reason:
“He won’t go near the crypt tonight.”
In an unexpected turn of events, officials have announced that tonight’s highly anticipated Superman vs Dracula showdown has been cancelled.
Sources close to the Man of Steel have confirmed the reason:
“He won’t go near the crypt tonight.”
Papa bear: Someone's been sleeping in my bed!
Mama bear: Someone's been sleeping in my bed!
Baby bear: Why don't you share a bed?
Papa bear: Because your mother doesn't love me anymore.
Mama bear: Do you really want to have this conversation now, Keith? Do you?
Mama bear: Someone's been sleeping in my bed!
Baby bear: Why don't you share a bed?
Papa bear: Because your mother doesn't love me anymore.
Mama bear: Do you really want to have this conversation now, Keith? Do you?
November 25, 2025 at 8:22 AM
Papa bear: Someone's been sleeping in my bed!
Mama bear: Someone's been sleeping in my bed!
Baby bear: Why don't you share a bed?
Papa bear: Because your mother doesn't love me anymore.
Mama bear: Do you really want to have this conversation now, Keith? Do you?
Mama bear: Someone's been sleeping in my bed!
Baby bear: Why don't you share a bed?
Papa bear: Because your mother doesn't love me anymore.
Mama bear: Do you really want to have this conversation now, Keith? Do you?
I walked passed the YMCA today, and there was a teenage boy sat outside stroking some feathers...
I said, "Young man, there's no need to feel down!"
I said, "Young man, there's no need to feel down!"
November 23, 2025 at 9:37 PM
I walked passed the YMCA today, and there was a teenage boy sat outside stroking some feathers...
I said, "Young man, there's no need to feel down!"
I said, "Young man, there's no need to feel down!"
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Anyone can roast beef.
November 23, 2025 at 9:35 PM
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Anyone can roast beef.
When I was a baby my parents regularly bathed me in Australian beer.
It wasn't until I was 18 that I realised I'd been fostered.
It wasn't until I was 18 that I realised I'd been fostered.
November 22, 2025 at 8:27 PM
When I was a baby my parents regularly bathed me in Australian beer.
It wasn't until I was 18 that I realised I'd been fostered.
It wasn't until I was 18 that I realised I'd been fostered.
I came up with an electronic cricket game, but it failed at the marketing stage.
People didn't like the name E-Bowler.
I thought the name sounded catchy.
People didn't like the name E-Bowler.
I thought the name sounded catchy.
November 21, 2025 at 9:59 PM
I came up with an electronic cricket game, but it failed at the marketing stage.
People didn't like the name E-Bowler.
I thought the name sounded catchy.
People didn't like the name E-Bowler.
I thought the name sounded catchy.
A photon checks into a hotel.
Receptionist: "May I take your bags sir?"
Photon: "I don't have any bags, I'm travelling light."
Receptionist: "May I take your bags sir?"
Photon: "I don't have any bags, I'm travelling light."
November 20, 2025 at 9:23 PM
A photon checks into a hotel.
Receptionist: "May I take your bags sir?"
Photon: "I don't have any bags, I'm travelling light."
Receptionist: "May I take your bags sir?"
Photon: "I don't have any bags, I'm travelling light."
Besides collecting dad jokes, I love to escape with my camera, locally, and occasionally overseas.
I've been working on a website where I'm going to upload all my personal favorites.
wanderingwombats.org
I've been working on a website where I'm going to upload all my personal favorites.
wanderingwombats.org
Wandering Wombats
Photos, stories, and the occasional nap along the way.
wanderingwombats.org
November 12, 2025 at 12:30 PM
Besides collecting dad jokes, I love to escape with my camera, locally, and occasionally overseas.
I've been working on a website where I'm going to upload all my personal favorites.
wanderingwombats.org
I've been working on a website where I'm going to upload all my personal favorites.
wanderingwombats.org
Reposted by Australian Groan
When I lost the dictionary my wife asked if I looked upstairs
I was like, “I can’t look up anything!”
I was like, “I can’t look up anything!”
November 7, 2025 at 3:07 PM
When I lost the dictionary my wife asked if I looked upstairs
I was like, “I can’t look up anything!”
I was like, “I can’t look up anything!”
You can tell a person’s age by hearing what lyrics they say following this word…
‘Stop…..’
‘Stop…..’
October 27, 2025 at 8:19 PM
You can tell a person’s age by hearing what lyrics they say following this word…
‘Stop…..’
‘Stop…..’