Dad Jokes
@dadsaysjokes.com
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Dad Jokes
@dadsaysjokes.com
· Aug 20
Shout out to everyone who can remember every word to some random 80s song but can't remember the password they created yesterday
Can someone please tell me what
LGBTQ+ stands for?
Nobody is giving me a straight answer.
LGBTQ+ stands for?
Nobody is giving me a straight answer.
November 13, 2025 at 8:16 PM
Can someone please tell me what
LGBTQ+ stands for?
Nobody is giving me a straight answer.
LGBTQ+ stands for?
Nobody is giving me a straight answer.
I'm so old I remember when cars had bench seats and no seatbelts — and we thought that was normal!
November 13, 2025 at 7:34 PM
I'm so old I remember when cars had bench seats and no seatbelts — and we thought that was normal!
I don't know how to use TikTok.
But I can write in cursive and do long division. I can also tell time on clocks with hands.
But I can write in cursive and do long division. I can also tell time on clocks with hands.
November 13, 2025 at 7:33 PM
I don't know how to use TikTok.
But I can write in cursive and do long division. I can also tell time on clocks with hands.
But I can write in cursive and do long division. I can also tell time on clocks with hands.
I recently opened a company selling
trampolines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
trampolines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
November 13, 2025 at 7:32 PM
I recently opened a company selling
trampolines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
trampolines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
Today’s checklist: Clothed? Ah, sufficiently.
Keys? Yep, just found 'em.
Coffee cup? Full, of course.
Sanity? Sanity? And we have a runner.
Keys? Yep, just found 'em.
Coffee cup? Full, of course.
Sanity? Sanity? And we have a runner.
November 13, 2025 at 11:30 AM
Today’s checklist: Clothed? Ah, sufficiently.
Keys? Yep, just found 'em.
Coffee cup? Full, of course.
Sanity? Sanity? And we have a runner.
Keys? Yep, just found 'em.
Coffee cup? Full, of course.
Sanity? Sanity? And we have a runner.
As a married man, I have two missions in life.
To calm my wife down when she's mad and to make her mad when she's calm.
To calm my wife down when she's mad and to make her mad when she's calm.
November 13, 2025 at 11:28 AM
As a married man, I have two missions in life.
To calm my wife down when she's mad and to make her mad when she's calm.
To calm my wife down when she's mad and to make her mad when she's calm.
When people criticise you for being short, they're really just saying that the worst thing about you is that there isn't more of you.
November 12, 2025 at 8:38 PM
When people criticise you for being short, they're really just saying that the worst thing about you is that there isn't more of you.
When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, "In a pie-eating contest, it doesn't matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie."
I think about that a lot.
I think about that a lot.
November 12, 2025 at 6:03 PM
When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, "In a pie-eating contest, it doesn't matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie."
I think about that a lot.
I think about that a lot.
I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without permission.
That makes me sick.
That makes me sick.
November 12, 2025 at 5:06 PM
I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without permission.
That makes me sick.
That makes me sick.
A woman visits her husband in prison. Before leaving, she says to a correction officer: “You shouldn't make my husband work so hard he's exhausted!"
The officer laughs: "Work? He only eats, sleeps, and stays in his cell".
The wife replies: "He told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"
The officer laughs: "Work? He only eats, sleeps, and stays in his cell".
The wife replies: "He told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"
November 11, 2025 at 8:16 PM
A woman visits her husband in prison. Before leaving, she says to a correction officer: “You shouldn't make my husband work so hard he's exhausted!"
The officer laughs: "Work? He only eats, sleeps, and stays in his cell".
The wife replies: "He told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"
The officer laughs: "Work? He only eats, sleeps, and stays in his cell".
The wife replies: "He told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"
My favorite part of adúlting is bórrowing myself money from my own móney and paying myself back.
November 11, 2025 at 5:18 PM
My favorite part of adúlting is bórrowing myself money from my own móney and paying myself back.
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese, and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
November 11, 2025 at 10:31 AM
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese, and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
What borders on insanity?
Canada and Mexico....
Canada and Mexico....
November 11, 2025 at 10:29 AM
What borders on insanity?
Canada and Mexico....
Canada and Mexico....
My email password got hacked again.
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
November 11, 2025 at 10:19 AM
My email password got hacked again.
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens.
They're calling it the Apollo G.
They're calling it the Apollo G.
November 11, 2025 at 8:46 AM
NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens.
They're calling it the Apollo G.
They're calling it the Apollo G.
I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts.
It’s called, “Leave me the fuh cologne.”
It’s called, “Leave me the fuh cologne.”
November 10, 2025 at 1:16 PM
I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts.
It’s called, “Leave me the fuh cologne.”
It’s called, “Leave me the fuh cologne.”
A man and his son were driving past the graveyard and the boy asked his father, "Do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Not that I know of," answered his father. "What made you ask that?"
His son replied, "Well, I saw a gravestone that read, “Here lies a lawyer and an honest man."
"Not that I know of," answered his father. "What made you ask that?"
His son replied, "Well, I saw a gravestone that read, “Here lies a lawyer and an honest man."
November 9, 2025 at 12:24 PM
A man and his son were driving past the graveyard and the boy asked his father, "Do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Not that I know of," answered his father. "What made you ask that?"
His son replied, "Well, I saw a gravestone that read, “Here lies a lawyer and an honest man."
"Not that I know of," answered his father. "What made you ask that?"
His son replied, "Well, I saw a gravestone that read, “Here lies a lawyer and an honest man."
Me: I’m terrified of random letters
Therapist: You are?
Me: (screams)
Therapist: I see
Me: (scream intensifies)
Therapist: You are?
Me: (screams)
Therapist: I see
Me: (scream intensifies)
November 9, 2025 at 12:21 PM
Me: I’m terrified of random letters
Therapist: You are?
Me: (screams)
Therapist: I see
Me: (scream intensifies)
Therapist: You are?
Me: (screams)
Therapist: I see
Me: (scream intensifies)
My wife and I are sitting on the couch watching TV and I hear a text, realizing | left my phone in the kitchen.
I get up, go to the kitchen to check it... and it's a text from my wife: "Please bring the chips on your way back
I get up, go to the kitchen to check it... and it's a text from my wife: "Please bring the chips on your way back
November 9, 2025 at 10:18 AM
My wife and I are sitting on the couch watching TV and I hear a text, realizing | left my phone in the kitchen.
I get up, go to the kitchen to check it... and it's a text from my wife: "Please bring the chips on your way back
I get up, go to the kitchen to check it... and it's a text from my wife: "Please bring the chips on your way back
I'm confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living!
November 8, 2025 at 9:56 PM
I'm confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living!
I love board games. My favorite is where people put meat and cheese on a board.
Some fruit and crackers. I'm excellent at that one.
Some fruit and crackers. I'm excellent at that one.
November 8, 2025 at 7:18 PM
I love board games. My favorite is where people put meat and cheese on a board.
Some fruit and crackers. I'm excellent at that one.
Some fruit and crackers. I'm excellent at that one.
Last night, I dreamed I was at work. So when I woke up, I called in sick.
No way I'm working twice in one day.
No way I'm working twice in one day.
November 8, 2025 at 6:20 PM
Last night, I dreamed I was at work. So when I woke up, I called in sick.
No way I'm working twice in one day.
No way I'm working twice in one day.
My phone has this cool app that shows me what I look like as an old person.
It's called a camera.
It's called a camera.
November 8, 2025 at 3:53 PM
My phone has this cool app that shows me what I look like as an old person.
It's called a camera.
It's called a camera.