Matty
@astronautpenguin.bsky.social
A spherical mass of uniform shape and density.
I can’t believe you all settled on “skeet”.
August 8, 2025 at 3:12 AM
I can’t believe you all settled on “skeet”.
I mindlessly picked up my phone and opened LinkedIn, like some sort of psychopath, but caught myself and closed it before any demons escaped.
July 7, 2025 at 8:52 PM
I mindlessly picked up my phone and opened LinkedIn, like some sort of psychopath, but caught myself and closed it before any demons escaped.
Reposted by Matty
just because JD is a clumsy, uselss moron, we mustn’t forget he’s also a vicious bigot
April 14, 2025 at 8:17 PM
just because JD is a clumsy, uselss moron, we mustn’t forget he’s also a vicious bigot
Reposted by Matty
The Social Network (2010)
January 10, 2025 at 8:24 PM
The Social Network (2010)
A lot of folks who are making those really gross brain damage jokes about Fetterman were looking the other way when he was saying really gross shit for the last 8 years
December 25, 2024 at 6:27 PM
A lot of folks who are making those really gross brain damage jokes about Fetterman were looking the other way when he was saying really gross shit for the last 8 years
Reposted by Matty
I have ordered the crew of my ship to plug their ears with wax and tie me to the mast as we sail past the musical region of Whoville this Christmas so that my dangerously small heart might grow to full size while their chest cavities, which contain normal size organs, remain intact and healthy.
December 24, 2024 at 3:11 AM
I have ordered the crew of my ship to plug their ears with wax and tie me to the mast as we sail past the musical region of Whoville this Christmas so that my dangerously small heart might grow to full size while their chest cavities, which contain normal size organs, remain intact and healthy.
Lessons in duality
December 16, 2024 at 11:01 PM
Lessons in duality
Reposted by Matty
Explaining to my three year old that Elmo has to go away because he wasn't providing enough value to shareholders. My son turns to me and says "while I personally enjoy Sesame Street I understand that corporations must put their obligations to shareholders above consumer demands."
December 16, 2024 at 4:34 PM
Explaining to my three year old that Elmo has to go away because he wasn't providing enough value to shareholders. My son turns to me and says "while I personally enjoy Sesame Street I understand that corporations must put their obligations to shareholders above consumer demands."
Reposted by Matty
finally finished downloading my limewire wrapped after 20 years
December 4, 2024 at 9:11 PM
finally finished downloading my limewire wrapped after 20 years
We still doing Wrapped with enshittified Spotify?
December 4, 2024 at 5:17 PM
We still doing Wrapped with enshittified Spotify?
Reposted by Matty
Reposted by Matty
Robocop is a movie about a guy who gets killed on the job and they still made him go back to work
December 1, 2024 at 5:04 PM
Robocop is a movie about a guy who gets killed on the job and they still made him go back to work
Reposted by Matty
When Dead Internet Theory comes true, it'll be on Twitter first
Twitter is extremely creepy these days because 90% of the responses are bots and it’s not exactly clear why. Usually it’s not even political, it’s not selling anything, it’s just bots pretending to be people. The vibe is like boarding a city bus and realizing none of the passengers have faces
December 1, 2024 at 7:50 PM
When Dead Internet Theory comes true, it'll be on Twitter first
Hedgehogs attack this man on sight
December 1, 2024 at 8:06 PM
Hedgehogs attack this man on sight
Reposted by Matty
The TV show Community lasted one season longer than the Confederacy.
April 9, 2024 at 5:47 PM
The TV show Community lasted one season longer than the Confederacy.
@andyrichter.co I just found a recording of the 1997 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (watching festive holiday balloon chaos) and got to your bit. Had you been in a helicopter before? “Glass bubble, several thousand feet over the city” seems like a challenging place to be funny.
November 29, 2024 at 8:01 PM
@andyrichter.co I just found a recording of the 1997 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (watching festive holiday balloon chaos) and got to your bit. Had you been in a helicopter before? “Glass bubble, several thousand feet over the city” seems like a challenging place to be funny.
I guess it would’ve been
1) her name
2) HOTTO
and then thirdly
3) GO
but there are more words now
1) her name
2) HOTTO
and then thirdly
3) GO
but there are more words now
Blessed to find out that the only two words my niece can currently spell are
1) her name
2) HOT TO GO
1) her name
2) HOT TO GO
November 21, 2024 at 5:36 AM
I guess it would’ve been
1) her name
2) HOTTO
and then thirdly
3) GO
but there are more words now
1) her name
2) HOTTO
and then thirdly
3) GO
but there are more words now
Reposted by Matty
Yes. Fantasizing about worst case scenarios is no more helpful than starting another round of #resistance grifters who do nothing but claim to have secret info on social media.
November 7, 2024 at 1:27 AM
Yes. Fantasizing about worst case scenarios is no more helpful than starting another round of #resistance grifters who do nothing but claim to have secret info on social media.
Reposted by Matty
My favorite part about Minnesotans and the Halloween Blizzard is that it was a massive storm that affected just about everyone in the US/Canada and there was a book/movie about it and Minnesotans are like, no, this only happened to us. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1991_Pe...
1991 Perfect Storm - Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.org
October 31, 2024 at 3:25 PM
My favorite part about Minnesotans and the Halloween Blizzard is that it was a massive storm that affected just about everyone in the US/Canada and there was a book/movie about it and Minnesotans are like, no, this only happened to us. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1991_Pe...
Blessed to find out that the only two words my niece can currently spell are
1) her name
2) HOT TO GO
1) her name
2) HOT TO GO
October 25, 2024 at 5:50 PM
Blessed to find out that the only two words my niece can currently spell are
1) her name
2) HOT TO GO
1) her name
2) HOT TO GO
Listening to someone I respect talk about why they won’t vote, and then chasing that with the Daily Show Juggalo segment from last Wednesday to see if I can spot the difference
October 21, 2024 at 10:47 PM
Listening to someone I respect talk about why they won’t vote, and then chasing that with the Daily Show Juggalo segment from last Wednesday to see if I can spot the difference
Here we are. A full two years after the actual release, I finally have the appetite to sit through another fucking Batman movie.
October 19, 2024 at 10:57 PM
Here we are. A full two years after the actual release, I finally have the appetite to sit through another fucking Batman movie.
I’m at a Kroger that doesn’t sell hot peppers. At all. Feels racist.
October 9, 2024 at 11:08 PM
I’m at a Kroger that doesn’t sell hot peppers. At all. Feels racist.
I want to know what Vance means when he says an economy that works for “normal Americans”. What the fuck does that sociopath mean by “normal”?
October 2, 2024 at 10:14 PM
I want to know what Vance means when he says an economy that works for “normal Americans”. What the fuck does that sociopath mean by “normal”?
Living on the west coast means your feed starts looking like this at 9:30
[Bojack inner monologue voice]
This is Bluesky. This is not sleep. You are scrolling Bluesky. Stop it. Stop scrolling and go to sleep. Stop it. Don't scroll one more time. Put the phone down. Do not scroll one more time. I can't believe you scrolled one more time.
This is Bluesky. This is not sleep. You are scrolling Bluesky. Stop it. Stop scrolling and go to sleep. Stop it. Don't scroll one more time. Put the phone down. Do not scroll one more time. I can't believe you scrolled one more time.
September 20, 2024 at 4:36 AM
Living on the west coast means your feed starts looking like this at 9:30