Wandering Ankh
@ankhesenpaseshat.bsky.social
Your favourite Egyptologist, drifting from one place to another. History, conspiracy-as-modern-myth, high strangeness. Mostly just me screaming into the void. Also the sole author of Azure Eye News.
"Ankh," you ask like the delightful weirdo that all of my followers are, "is there a real mummy with big naturals? After all, busty women have always existed. Surely one was mummified at some point."
And friends, the answer is yes. Probably. We think.
And friends, the answer is yes. Probably. We think.
Improve a movie title by adding "With Big Naturals"
The Mummy with Big Naturals
Or Revenge of the Sith with Big Naturals.
The Mummy with Big Naturals
Or Revenge of the Sith with Big Naturals.
Improve a movie title by adding "With Big Naturals”
Clan of the Cave Bear with Big Naturals
Clan of the Cave Bear with Big Naturals
February 3, 2026 at 11:03 AM
"Ankh," you ask like the delightful weirdo that all of my followers are, "is there a real mummy with big naturals? After all, busty women have always existed. Surely one was mummified at some point."
And friends, the answer is yes. Probably. We think.
And friends, the answer is yes. Probably. We think.
I can understand people following because of the boob thing or whatever but the sheer number of obvious scam accounts asking for "donations" and fake blue wave bots that do nothing but retweet is seriously nuts.
February 3, 2026 at 9:38 AM
I can understand people following because of the boob thing or whatever but the sheer number of obvious scam accounts asking for "donations" and fake blue wave bots that do nothing but retweet is seriously nuts.
Improve a movie title by adding "With Big Naturals"
The Mummy with Big Naturals
Or Revenge of the Sith with Big Naturals.
The Mummy with Big Naturals
Or Revenge of the Sith with Big Naturals.
Improve a movie title by adding "With Big Naturals”
Clan of the Cave Bear with Big Naturals
Clan of the Cave Bear with Big Naturals
Improve a movie title by adding "With Big Naturals"
The Natural With Big Naturals
The Natural With Big Naturals
February 3, 2026 at 9:21 AM
Improve a movie title by adding "With Big Naturals"
The Mummy with Big Naturals
Or Revenge of the Sith with Big Naturals.
The Mummy with Big Naturals
Or Revenge of the Sith with Big Naturals.
I really kind of missed my branding there by saying Egyptologist hat and not bra. Damn lack of edit button.
February 3, 2026 at 3:15 AM
I really kind of missed my branding there by saying Egyptologist hat and not bra. Damn lack of edit button.
Oh I guess I should put my Egyptologist hat on for a second to discuss a new bit of idiocy in the moron press. So the new thing is that a "newly discovered document" tells of biblical giants, 4-5 cubits tall, which works out to 8+ feet / somewhere around 2.5 meters, called the "Shosu."
Wrong.
Wrong.
February 3, 2026 at 3:06 AM
Oh I guess I should put my Egyptologist hat on for a second to discuss a new bit of idiocy in the moron press. So the new thing is that a "newly discovered document" tells of biblical giants, 4-5 cubits tall, which works out to 8+ feet / somewhere around 2.5 meters, called the "Shosu."
Wrong.
Wrong.
It will never stop being funny to me how many people who KNOW I'm engaged will nonetheless hit on me right in front of my partner.
February 2, 2026 at 11:05 PM
It will never stop being funny to me how many people who KNOW I'm engaged will nonetheless hit on me right in front of my partner.
I feel like I should point out that as weird as AEN gets at times, it's legit based almost entirely on the real folklore of the American southwest. The 30' skeleton that wanders the desert? Real. Ancient Egyptian colony in Arizona? Yep. Ant people from a previous version of the universe? Oh yeah!
I'm always a little torn on how far west I should put the borders of the territory I consider "the southwest" for Azure Eye. Like my original idea was just the Four Corners states, but there's a really good batch of crazy american desert folklore in Death Valley and Nevada.
February 2, 2026 at 10:08 PM
I feel like I should point out that as weird as AEN gets at times, it's legit based almost entirely on the real folklore of the American southwest. The 30' skeleton that wanders the desert? Real. Ancient Egyptian colony in Arizona? Yep. Ant people from a previous version of the universe? Oh yeah!
What an idiot. He was in a mine in death valley. All he needed to do was go down into the subterranean city that literally dozens of very sane people claim to have found down there.
February 2, 2026 at 9:36 PM
What an idiot. He was in a mine in death valley. All he needed to do was go down into the subterranean city that literally dozens of very sane people claim to have found down there.
This is one of my all-time favourite movies and if you've never seen it but like 1920s pulp fiction you absolutely owe it to yourself. Just RIDICULOUSLY dumb fun. Do not go into this movie planning to think at all. Thinking ruins the giant nazi robots.
When giant robots attack NY, a reporter (Gwyneth Paltrow) enlists the aid of aviator and old flame Joseph "Sky Captain" Sullivan (Jude Law) to stop a plot to destroy the world. Angelina Jolie co-stars.
SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW flies onto 4K SteelBook April 21. gruv.com/products/sky...
SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW flies onto 4K SteelBook April 21. gruv.com/products/sky...
February 2, 2026 at 9:25 PM
This is one of my all-time favourite movies and if you've never seen it but like 1920s pulp fiction you absolutely owe it to yourself. Just RIDICULOUSLY dumb fun. Do not go into this movie planning to think at all. Thinking ruins the giant nazi robots.
We are like two emails away from finding out Epstein was Satoshi.
Definitely seems like they destroyed the country on purpose.
February 2, 2026 at 9:16 PM
We are like two emails away from finding out Epstein was Satoshi.
This is not a real person. This cannot be a real person. This is a goddamn JoJo character.
February 2, 2026 at 10:12 AM
This is not a real person. This cannot be a real person. This is a goddamn JoJo character.
Reposted by Wandering Ankh
This shit hits like a sledgehammer right now. It's not even remotely an exaggeration.
February 1, 2026 at 12:30 AM
This shit hits like a sledgehammer right now. It's not even remotely an exaggeration.
Reposted by Wandering Ankh
What do you MEAN the president audibly SHIT himself live on camera and they immediately cancelled the press conference and rushed everyone out of the room like it's a fire drill, and it happened two days ago, and I'm just hearing about it NOW?
February 1, 2026 at 4:00 PM
What do you MEAN the president audibly SHIT himself live on camera and they immediately cancelled the press conference and rushed everyone out of the room like it's a fire drill, and it happened two days ago, and I'm just hearing about it NOW?
I swear to God I thought this was satire until I went and read the actual page.
The children George W. left behind are fully blossoming.
February 1, 2026 at 1:31 PM
I swear to God I thought this was satire until I went and read the actual page.
While I appreciate the thought, vendor whose name I don't know but who offered to give me rides to work in the middle of the night with nobody else around, I think I'll pass.
January 31, 2026 at 10:18 PM
While I appreciate the thought, vendor whose name I don't know but who offered to give me rides to work in the middle of the night with nobody else around, I think I'll pass.
It feels rude of the newspaper to call me out so publicly.
January 31, 2026 at 9:33 PM
It feels rude of the newspaper to call me out so publicly.
This is just the original (mythical) Rosicrucians.
hear me out, what about a secret shadowy global cabal but for GOOD
January 31, 2026 at 9:21 PM
This is just the original (mythical) Rosicrucians.
Reposted by Wandering Ankh
guy who refers to boobs as wobbly bobblers
January 30, 2026 at 3:56 PM
guy who refers to boobs as wobbly bobblers
This is Too Much News. The human brain is not designed to withstand this level of news.
January 30, 2026 at 9:23 PM
This is Too Much News. The human brain is not designed to withstand this level of news.
Reposted by Wandering Ankh
RIP, uploaded the wrong picture for this. The picture in the original post is the Buried Pyramid of Sekhemkhet. I've attached the correct picture of the Layer Pyramid here.
January 28, 2026 at 7:51 PM
RIP, uploaded the wrong picture for this. The picture in the original post is the Buried Pyramid of Sekhemkhet. I've attached the correct picture of the Layer Pyramid here.
There's very few ANYTHINGS in the world that more or less every human alive knows about, and yet pretty much everybody you've ever met knows the Egyptian pyramids. But what do you REALLY know about them? They somehow permeate our culture's background, yet most people don't really understand them.
January 28, 2026 at 7:49 PM
There's very few ANYTHINGS in the world that more or less every human alive knows about, and yet pretty much everybody you've ever met knows the Egyptian pyramids. But what do you REALLY know about them? They somehow permeate our culture's background, yet most people don't really understand them.
Think we're gonna dive back into history stuff tomorrow with the rebirth of The Pyramid Explainer Thread because God only knows you cannot fucking discuss conspiracy theories without eventually circling back to the pyramids at some point so we might as well get that one out of the way lol.
January 28, 2026 at 5:03 AM
Think we're gonna dive back into history stuff tomorrow with the rebirth of The Pyramid Explainer Thread because God only knows you cannot fucking discuss conspiracy theories without eventually circling back to the pyramids at some point so we might as well get that one out of the way lol.
How many of these whiskey milkshakes can I drink before I say something so slutty it will embarrass me tomorrow? Stay tuned and find out.
January 27, 2026 at 6:55 PM
How many of these whiskey milkshakes can I drink before I say something so slutty it will embarrass me tomorrow? Stay tuned and find out.
Reposted by Wandering Ankh
LinkedIn would not exist in a healthy society
January 27, 2026 at 2:40 PM
LinkedIn would not exist in a healthy society