The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
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themeadhallbard.bsky.social
The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
@themeadhallbard.bsky.social
970 followers 480 following 16K posts
#Wülferhamptonian

Piss taking profanagiest
Belligerent malcontent
Tuberdoor, Singest, Rhymist, Storyteller & Lute Twanglist
Decomposer of ye Mercia Beat
Frustrating degenerate bastard
Wilfully obtuse twat
Murdered at the behest of WülfHelm.

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themeadhallbard.bsky.social
The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard @themeadhallbard.bsky.social · Sep 3
For Wülferhampton newbies (and those that got so wrecked in the Mead Hall that they can’t remember what happened)

The History of the Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard.
The 'Phantom' of The Mead Hall Bard is the spiritual essence of a travelling musician and poet who was once chained to the wall of the Mead Hall, in the window alcove by the door to the latrines. Early Life Almost nothing is known of the early years of TMHB. His spoken accent is not that of a Wülferhampton native, but there is no clue to his origins. He has some small literary skills and musical training, so it is assumed that he may have studied in a foreign land (i.e. not Wülferhampton). Corporeal Mead Hall Tenure TMHB arrived at the Mead Hall as a living, breathing and reasonably healthy person. Sadly, this was not a situation that would endure for long. Although initially intrigued by the travelling Bard, the Bretwalda soon tired of his somewhat acerbic satirical wit. This resulted in TMHB being appointed as the resident Bard (a retained position chained to the wall and used as a target for discard rat bones). The Bard suffered this for some time, before escaping and later reappearing as The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard (The Phantom). Death The actual demise of TMHB has been the subject of much speculation. The only corroborated facts are that the Bard's exsanguinated corpse was found in the Frankish Music Hall called "Mason Rouge", bearing a single wound consistent with an expertly wielded seax. There were unsubstantiated reports that TMHB was murdered by, or at the behest of, the Bretwalda Wulfhelm. This suggestion has been repeatedly denied by Bretwalda WülfHhelm and it is ill advised to challenge him on the subject. However, since the event, the Select Fyrd has claimed responsibility for the dispatch of the Bard. Place of Unrest There are rumours that the corpse of TMHB is buried under the great Elm Tree at the back of the Mead Hall. Since any excavation or exploration of the area is forbidden by the Bretwalda on pain of death, the rumours cannot be substantiated. The Psychic Squirrel (A.K.A. loads of variations of his name) has claimed that the Bard's remains have been exhumed, cremated, salted and reburied. But it is uncertain if that was the Bard or the leftovers of one of the Bretwalda’s Chinese foods binges (barbequed spare ribs). Mead Hall Haunting After his reappearance as the Phantom, the Mead Hall Bard has been haunting the Mead Hall and Wülferhampton area. He spends a great deal of his time annoying the Bretwalda, (which can only be a good thing). Unusually for a spirit, most people can see or at least hear the Phantom and he'll engage almost everybody in conversation. Music of the Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard The music of TMHB mostly takes the form of a contrafactum, whereby the text of a song is substituted without substantial change to the original music. This makes it easy for the Mead Hall clientele to join in when they are pissed brainless on a Friday and Saturday night. This creative process can be thought of in terms of decomposing and recomposing: which is fairly appropriate given TMHB's history. His posthumous album "The Seax Man Cometh" went straight in at Number 1 on the Wülferhampton charts.
Reposted by The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
wulferhampton.bsky.social
A detoxed version of the Wülferhampton Feed that has most of the Real Life doom and gloom excised is now live.

It is evolving and being fine tuned. Post feedback to @themeadhallbard.bsky.social

bsky.app/profile/did:...
February 13, 2026 at 1:48 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
I have, this morning, attended my first proper Tai Chi class.

The lady that runs it is bloody good.

It’s more difficult to do well than it looks.
a woman performs martial arts on a blue mat that says ' 15th world ' on it
ALT: a woman performs martial arts on a blue mat that says ' 15th world ' on it
media.tenor.com
February 13, 2026 at 1:29 PM
Reposted by The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
safety.bsky.app
An error caused a large number of accounts to be incorrectly "marked for review" by our automated system. This tool is normally used to rapidly respond to mass harassment and spam campaigns. We have removed the incorrect labels and will publish an incident report in the coming days.
February 12, 2026 at 4:31 AM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
Considering

1. Retiring the Wülferhamptonians feed (it’s almost the same as the Wülferhampton Melee content.

AND

2. Redesigning the Wülferhampton Only feed to replicate the Wülferhampton Melee feed but filter out as many political posts as I can.

Thoughts?
February 12, 2026 at 8:31 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
Anyway. No. 1 son turned on the idiot lantern (TV) and buggered off.

Now sat watching the Women’s Halfpipe final and shitposting between runs.

Damn. They’re good.
February 12, 2026 at 7:32 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
Right. Time to do other stuff.
February 11, 2026 at 11:22 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
I have just turned off the TV.

I turned it on at 21:50 to watch the news.

Then I switched to Newsnight.

I may never turn it on again.

I don’t think I can take this joyless shit anymore.

My soul is weary.
February 11, 2026 at 10:46 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
The tellers approach the speakers chair to declare the result of the vote following the debate on standards in public life.
two men standing in front of a burning room with a netflix logo
ALT: two men standing in front of a burning room with a netflix logo
media.tenor.com
February 11, 2026 at 10:12 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
The Trent valley ain’t looking good on the flood risk front.
February 10, 2026 at 1:27 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
Account registered in November 2024. Follows 276 and has never posted or replied. Sleeper bot?
February 10, 2026 at 8:25 AM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
This account used to run on Twitter until the Muskovite broke it by locking down the X API.

The good news is it’s running on here now.

Give it a follow. They are the very best of us.

bsky.app/profile/outo...
bsky.app
February 10, 2026 at 12:17 AM
Reposted by The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
wulfhelm.bsky.social
What the fuck have I done?
rodfeathers.bsky.social rodfeathers📎 @rodfeathers.bsky.social · 4d
People of Wulferhampton!

A rare chance to learn a new martial art "The Way of the Lizard"

Round the back of the Embassy tonight!

Price all your worldly goods!

Lesson 1 Nunchucks
February 9, 2026 at 4:07 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
Actual footage of @un-ness-assary.bsky.social tackling the icy mogul field.
a woman in pink pants and a fur vest is skiing down a snow covered slope
ALT: a woman in pink pants and a fur vest is skiing down a snow covered slope
media.tenor.com
February 9, 2026 at 10:49 AM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
I’ve never done skiing, bit I used to follow the sport back in the day. Lindsey Vonn’s crash was bloody horrific and brought back memories of Ulli Maier’s fatal accident in (I think) ‘94.
February 9, 2026 at 1:10 AM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
👀
February 8, 2026 at 10:19 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
I am going to prepare food.

Because. I can.
February 7, 2026 at 5:17 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
WTAF is going on in Wülferhampton today? Has some twat dropped magic mushrooms in the mead keg?
February 7, 2026 at 4:53 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
Right. Music tuition at 10:00. Off to warm up.
February 7, 2026 at 9:33 AM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
Amazingly, I slept.

For ten hours.

Almost uninterrupted.

Jeeez.
a close up of yoda with the words amazed i am behind him
ALT: a close up of yoda with the words amazed i am behind him
media.tenor.com
February 7, 2026 at 9:25 AM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
@wulfhelm.bsky.social Soon…

Possibly.
February 6, 2026 at 7:52 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
Current Status: Rather Moist¹

¹ British understatement level 7
February 6, 2026 at 2:54 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
I do like a good block.
February 5, 2026 at 9:03 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
Here’s an idea. Why not build a fit-for-purpose modern parliament complex with living accommodation at fraction of the cost (saving MP second home expenses), then renovate the Palace of Westminster as a revenue generating tourist attraction and hotel?

Too radical?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
Parliament revamp could cost £40bn and take 61 years
MPs and peers are presented with two renovation options and told to make a decision by the mid-2030s.
www.bbc.co.uk
February 5, 2026 at 4:03 PM
Reposted by The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
jennay.bsky.social
Tapping the Squiggs-O-Meter status indicator…
SQUIGGS-O-METER a spin wheel where the pointer will alight on a random Squiggs state, the states are colour coded and include a brief explanatory note. ALL CLEAR Safe to offer a nut? MILD Approach with snacks. Move slowly. GRUMP Eye contact is risky. Prepare bribes. CODE RED SQUIGGS Evacuate the garden. Abort mission.
February 5, 2026 at 1:16 PM
themeadhallbard.bsky.social
I was today years old before I found out that Nessun Dorma isn’t a song about a brand of Japanese camper van.
February 5, 2026 at 8:24 AM