The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
@themeadhallbard.bsky.social
*DMs Disabled*
#Wülferhamptonian
#JamFirst
Profanagiest
Frustrating Bastard
Ex Vampier
Belligerent malcontent
Tuberdoor
Singest
Rhymist
Storyteller
Lute twanglist
Ye Mercia Beat decomposer
Wilfully obtuse
Murdered at the behest of WülfHelm
#Wülferhamptonian
#JamFirst
Profanagiest
Frustrating Bastard
Ex Vampier
Belligerent malcontent
Tuberdoor
Singest
Rhymist
Storyteller
Lute twanglist
Ye Mercia Beat decomposer
Wilfully obtuse
Murdered at the behest of WülfHelm
Pinned
For Wülferhampton newbies (and those that got so wrecked in the Mead Hall that they can’t remember what happened)
The History of the Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard.
The History of the Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard.
Clear violation of GDPR.
It's not that I'm taking names or anything.
But I'm taking names.
But I'm taking names.
Do you want to starve or not?
December 26, 2025 at 7:38 PM
Clear violation of GDPR.
@wulfhelm.bsky.social You’re OK, it’s low in saturated fat and beige in the centre.
Boxing Day Mead Hall Special:
Tactical Bubble and Squeek.
Leftover sprouts, mashed spud and diced onions fried until golden black. Crusty to the point of forming igneous rock and slightly less toxic than Fukushima sushi.
Pudding:
A powerful emetic.
Suitable for vegans and close combat.
Tactical Bubble and Squeek.
Leftover sprouts, mashed spud and diced onions fried until golden black. Crusty to the point of forming igneous rock and slightly less toxic than Fukushima sushi.
Pudding:
A powerful emetic.
Suitable for vegans and close combat.
December 26, 2025 at 3:31 AM
@wulfhelm.bsky.social You’re OK, it’s low in saturated fat and beige in the centre.
Boxing Day Mead Hall Special:
Tactical Bubble and Squeek.
Leftover sprouts, mashed spud and diced onions fried until golden black. Crusty to the point of forming igneous rock and slightly less toxic than Fukushima sushi.
Pudding:
A powerful emetic.
Suitable for vegans and close combat.
Tactical Bubble and Squeek.
Leftover sprouts, mashed spud and diced onions fried until golden black. Crusty to the point of forming igneous rock and slightly less toxic than Fukushima sushi.
Pudding:
A powerful emetic.
Suitable for vegans and close combat.
December 26, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Boxing Day Mead Hall Special:
Tactical Bubble and Squeek.
Leftover sprouts, mashed spud and diced onions fried until golden black. Crusty to the point of forming igneous rock and slightly less toxic than Fukushima sushi.
Pudding:
A powerful emetic.
Suitable for vegans and close combat.
Tactical Bubble and Squeek.
Leftover sprouts, mashed spud and diced onions fried until golden black. Crusty to the point of forming igneous rock and slightly less toxic than Fukushima sushi.
Pudding:
A powerful emetic.
Suitable for vegans and close combat.
THE #MEADHALLSPROUTS ARE READY.
Be seated and well behaved ready to receive your portion.
Bad behaviour will be rewarded with a second portion.
As is customary, the @dutytorturer.bsky.social will be on hand to ‘help’ reluctant diners.
May the Gods show mercy on your (arse) souls.
Be seated and well behaved ready to receive your portion.
Bad behaviour will be rewarded with a second portion.
As is customary, the @dutytorturer.bsky.social will be on hand to ‘help’ reluctant diners.
May the Gods show mercy on your (arse) souls.
December 25, 2025 at 12:00 PM
THE #MEADHALLSPROUTS ARE READY.
Be seated and well behaved ready to receive your portion.
Bad behaviour will be rewarded with a second portion.
As is customary, the @dutytorturer.bsky.social will be on hand to ‘help’ reluctant diners.
May the Gods show mercy on your (arse) souls.
Be seated and well behaved ready to receive your portion.
Bad behaviour will be rewarded with a second portion.
As is customary, the @dutytorturer.bsky.social will be on hand to ‘help’ reluctant diners.
May the Gods show mercy on your (arse) souls.
If you can, make peace with yourself. Because only then you can make peace with others.
Learn to be still. Open yourself to the world around you.
Listen more than you speak; but deny the oxygen of attention to those that would manipulate you by antagonising or feeding your concerns.
✌️🙏
Learn to be still. Open yourself to the world around you.
Listen more than you speak; but deny the oxygen of attention to those that would manipulate you by antagonising or feeding your concerns.
✌️🙏
December 25, 2025 at 1:45 AM
If you can, make peace with yourself. Because only then you can make peace with others.
Learn to be still. Open yourself to the world around you.
Listen more than you speak; but deny the oxygen of attention to those that would manipulate you by antagonising or feeding your concerns.
✌️🙏
Learn to be still. Open yourself to the world around you.
Listen more than you speak; but deny the oxygen of attention to those that would manipulate you by antagonising or feeding your concerns.
✌️🙏
Can’t wait for the Bretwalda’s speech tomorrow.
Perhaps @wulfhelm.bsky.social will finish the bloody crab story?
Perhaps @wulfhelm.bsky.social will finish the bloody crab story?
December 24, 2025 at 4:53 PM
Can’t wait for the Bretwalda’s speech tomorrow.
Perhaps @wulfhelm.bsky.social will finish the bloody crab story?
Perhaps @wulfhelm.bsky.social will finish the bloody crab story?
Reposted by The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
The #meadhallsprouts are on the final stretch. Cook has chiseled off the scum and the sous serfs are fanning the green miasma mist out of the kitchen. The aroma is so unique that the rats are throwing themselves onto the kebab skewers in desperation.
December 24, 2025 at 2:51 PM
The #meadhallsprouts are on the final stretch. Cook has chiseled off the scum and the sous serfs are fanning the green miasma mist out of the kitchen. The aroma is so unique that the rats are throwing themselves onto the kebab skewers in desperation.
No noose is good noose.
Ancient Wülferhampton proverb.
Ancient Wülferhampton proverb.
🎵It don't mean a thing
If it ain't got that swing🎵
Albert Pierrepoint.
If it ain't got that swing🎵
Albert Pierrepoint.
December 23, 2025 at 10:49 PM
No noose is good noose.
Ancient Wülferhampton proverb.
Ancient Wülferhampton proverb.
My crushes by decade…
‘70+: Stevie Nicks
‘76+: Hazel
‘86+: Hazel
‘96+: Hazel
‘06+: Hazel
‘16+: Hazel
‘26+: Howling at the moon.
‘70+: Stevie Nicks
‘76+: Hazel
‘86+: Hazel
‘96+: Hazel
‘06+: Hazel
‘16+: Hazel
‘26+: Howling at the moon.
My crushes by decade.
70's: Stevie Niks
80's: Debbie Harry.
90's: Debbie Harry.
00's: Pink.
10's: Adele
20's: a Sainsburys parking space within walking distance of the alcohol aisle.
70's: Stevie Niks
80's: Debbie Harry.
90's: Debbie Harry.
00's: Pink.
10's: Adele
20's: a Sainsburys parking space within walking distance of the alcohol aisle.
December 23, 2025 at 9:17 PM
My crushes by decade…
‘70+: Stevie Nicks
‘76+: Hazel
‘86+: Hazel
‘96+: Hazel
‘06+: Hazel
‘16+: Hazel
‘26+: Howling at the moon.
‘70+: Stevie Nicks
‘76+: Hazel
‘86+: Hazel
‘96+: Hazel
‘06+: Hazel
‘16+: Hazel
‘26+: Howling at the moon.
Reposted by The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
Your #Wülferhampton Apothecary wishes all a joyful Yulefest 🎄
Yule Health Tip:
Consume the Cook’s sprouts with caution. You heard it here first!
Yule Health Tip:
Consume the Cook’s sprouts with caution. You heard it here first!
December 23, 2025 at 1:23 PM
Your #Wülferhampton Apothecary wishes all a joyful Yulefest 🎄
Yule Health Tip:
Consume the Cook’s sprouts with caution. You heard it here first!
Yule Health Tip:
Consume the Cook’s sprouts with caution. You heard it here first!
The Sprouts are on the final simmer. The cauldron wall thickness has dissolved by 34%, indicating that this years batch are slightly stronger than usual.
Make sure you get a snug fitting cork from @apothecaryhelm.bsky.social
Make sure you get a snug fitting cork from @apothecaryhelm.bsky.social
December 23, 2025 at 2:05 PM
The Sprouts are on the final simmer. The cauldron wall thickness has dissolved by 34%, indicating that this years batch are slightly stronger than usual.
Make sure you get a snug fitting cork from @apothecaryhelm.bsky.social
Make sure you get a snug fitting cork from @apothecaryhelm.bsky.social
Current status
December 22, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Current status
Reposted by The Phantom of the Mead Hall Bard
I love Scotland.
December 21, 2025 at 4:07 PM
I love Scotland.
Ring Out These Bells (Ring Out, Solstice Bells) 2017
YouTube video by Jethro Tull & Ian Anderson
youtu.be
December 21, 2025 at 8:14 AM
Morning.
December 20, 2025 at 9:37 AM
Morning.
When I get back home. I shall relate the hire car story…
A tale to rival the crab story.
But as a thread. Not episodic.
A tale to rival the crab story.
But as a thread. Not episodic.
December 20, 2025 at 6:22 AM
When I get back home. I shall relate the hire car story…
A tale to rival the crab story.
But as a thread. Not episodic.
A tale to rival the crab story.
But as a thread. Not episodic.
Anyway. The Scotland sojourn continues…
Currently hunkered down somewhere north of the great glen.
Currently hunkered down somewhere north of the great glen.
December 20, 2025 at 12:01 AM
Anyway. The Scotland sojourn continues…
Currently hunkered down somewhere north of the great glen.
Currently hunkered down somewhere north of the great glen.
So. Long day but a good day. Pretty drained emotionally.
Thank you for your kind words and wishes.
Thank you for your kind words and wishes.
December 19, 2025 at 11:55 PM
So. Long day but a good day. Pretty drained emotionally.
Thank you for your kind words and wishes.
Thank you for your kind words and wishes.
Last post of today because…
Daughter ❤️
Daughter ❤️
December 19, 2025 at 9:23 AM
Last post of today because…
Daughter ❤️
Daughter ❤️
Scotland - I am among you.
December 19, 2025 at 12:17 AM
Scotland - I am among you.
I should be sleeping
Like I can in the day
When my mind is distracted
And I just drift away
I should be sleeping
But the still of the night
Conjures my daemons
And my memories bite
I should be sleeping
If I could only suppress
The thoughts that torment me
Perhaps one day I’ll rest
- the MHB
Like I can in the day
When my mind is distracted
And I just drift away
I should be sleeping
But the still of the night
Conjures my daemons
And my memories bite
I should be sleeping
If I could only suppress
The thoughts that torment me
Perhaps one day I’ll rest
- the MHB
December 17, 2025 at 1:30 AM
I should be sleeping
Like I can in the day
When my mind is distracted
And I just drift away
I should be sleeping
But the still of the night
Conjures my daemons
And my memories bite
I should be sleeping
If I could only suppress
The thoughts that torment me
Perhaps one day I’ll rest
- the MHB
Like I can in the day
When my mind is distracted
And I just drift away
I should be sleeping
But the still of the night
Conjures my daemons
And my memories bite
I should be sleeping
If I could only suppress
The thoughts that torment me
Perhaps one day I’ll rest
- the MHB