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katietwohands.bsky.social
KatieTwoHands
@katietwohands.bsky.social
330 followers 120 following 650 posts
I have two hands and I’m kind of dumb
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Reposted by KatieTwoHands
bakoon.bsky.social
rounding the bases faster and faster until his heart exploded and he just kept running
August 31, 2025 at 11:17 AM
katietwohands.bsky.social
Discovered this morning that at some point during the night I opened my notes app to write down “CGI Dr Pepper”. Important stuff
August 16, 2025 at 2:33 PM
katietwohands.bsky.social
She isn’t even on here but I am so proud of my friend Kate Riley and everyone should buy her book “Ruth” when it comes out next week! I don’t like the New York Times but this is a great review, here’s a gift link so none of us give them money:

www.nytimes.com/2025/08/11/b...
A Writer With a Divine Touch Captures Life in a Christian Commune
www.nytimes.com
August 11, 2025 at 9:02 PM
katietwohands.bsky.social
So, what kind of refractory period are you rockin these days?
August 9, 2025 at 5:02 AM
katietwohands.bsky.social
Onward, homeboy
July 24, 2025 at 8:42 PM
katietwohands.bsky.social
We all got that one traitorous homie who doesn’t get the reference
One panel comic of two people talking, the first looks shocked/sad and is saying “et tu, Brute?” The second rolls her eyes and responds “huh? Quit being silly, I’m saying that me and the guys are betraying you!”
July 14, 2025 at 5:09 AM
katietwohands.bsky.social
We match today
Photo of me sitting on the stairs with a cat next to me. We’re both looking at the camera, I’m wearing a black tank top with a small white adidas logo in the middle of the chest, my cat is black with a little white mark on his chest. So we are twins now, in addition to being best friends
July 1, 2025 at 4:10 AM
Reposted by KatieTwoHands
katietwohands.bsky.social
Meme from Donnie Darko, Donnie says “I’m having an exciting Friday night with my friends”. His mom says “with your friends or with a bowl of yogurt?”. Donnie, deflated, says “bowl of yogurt”
June 21, 2025 at 3:27 AM
katietwohands.bsky.social
To the person that named a brand of bike locks “Kryptonite”: did you think I was worried about Superman stealing my bike?
June 27, 2025 at 7:10 PM
Reposted by KatieTwoHands
katietwohands.bsky.social
I made a comic
Comic drawn in black ink. First, large panel: a character (it’s me but that doesn’t matter really) says “one of my pet peeves is when people talk about evolution as progress or as having a sense of purpose. Evolution explains how, not why!” in a big black speech bubble. Second row includes four smaller panels, one says “this didn’t have to be like that” with a drawing of a snail, next says “looks like a series of accidents in context to me” with a diagram of photosynthesis, next says “this guy happened, apparently” with a t-rex, next says “can’t pretend this guy was inevitable” with a giraffe. Another big panel where the same character says “causality is secondary to linear time, it isn’t demonstrative of universal intention. It only feels like progress because we view time as moving forward.” Fourth row is another four smaller panels, first says “why isn’t a useful line of inquiry for this fellow” with an angler fish, second says “we don’t have this, also for no reason” with a praying mantis/centaur/zebra with tentacle arms and six tits, third says “this clearly wasn’t done on purpose” with a tardigrade, fourth says “it was very nearly impossible for this to be” with a pinecone. Last row is one big panel, same character says “isn’t it more fun to know how improbable everything is? Don’t ask why, just witness! Just marvel!”
October 15, 2024 at 4:33 PM
Reposted by KatieTwoHands
katietwohands.bsky.social
I love the little guy in my house who yells at me
Photo of me, hair very messy and smiling with puffy eyes, black cat on my lap is looking up at me with his mouth open, one fang showing
January 5, 2025 at 3:10 AM
Reposted by KatieTwoHands
juniorhoncho.bsky.social
easy to hate these tech billionaires when you ignore the invaluable contributions to society that earned them such wealth. let's have a look,
Bezos: web store
Thiel: web store transaction middleman
Musk: fired from web store transaction middleman for being stupid and annoying
...i rest my case
June 27, 2025 at 3:13 AM
Reposted by KatieTwoHands
4484.cool
@antlervel.vet thanks again for this one, no particular reason
A cyclical flowchart on a white background. The top half of the circle is a red arrow with the text "I eat a edibnle (sic)". The bottom half is a blue arrow with the word "Great" in a larger font.
June 27, 2025 at 3:33 AM
Reposted by KatieTwoHands
portdrift.bsky.social
a car is like a big nasty dog that drinks nasty juice and probably shouldn't exist
June 27, 2025 at 1:59 AM
Reposted by KatieTwoHands
georgialux.bsky.social
that laugh when you see your main dude and he's lowkey got that shit on
a man doing that laugh when you see your main dude and he's lowkey got that shit on
October 28, 2023 at 5:56 PM
katietwohands.bsky.social
Meme from Donnie Darko, Donnie says “I’m having an exciting Friday night with my friends”. His mom says “with your friends or with a bowl of yogurt?”. Donnie, deflated, says “bowl of yogurt”
June 21, 2025 at 3:27 AM
katietwohands.bsky.social
My concurrent yogurt fixation and soup fixation have me going through bowls and spoons at an incredible rate
June 20, 2025 at 5:59 PM
katietwohands.bsky.social
If politics gets covered like entertainment I wish it were more like movies than sports. Like instead of “in a blow to Democrats” framing executive orders would be advertised as “from the fucked up mind of Donny Pervert” or something
June 19, 2025 at 5:09 PM
katietwohands.bsky.social
I had jury duty with Johnny Knoxville and he asked me what time the judge said to come back from lunch
bolt451.bsky.social "Timeless" Toni Soprano @bolt451.bsky.social · Jun 13
Right folks. Feeling rather down at the moment so bringing back an oldie

Please Quote this with your most minor celebrity interaction
June 13, 2025 at 3:54 PM
katietwohands.bsky.social
Getting crushed by these paragraphs from Snow Crash (1992)
All these beefy caucasians with guns! Get enough of them together, looking for the America they always believed they’d grow up in, and they glom together like overcooked rice, form integral, starchy little units. With their power tools, portable generators, weapons, four-wheel-drive-vehicles, and personal computers, they are like beavers hyped up on crystal meth, manic engineers without a blueprint, chewing through the wilderness, building things and abandoning them, altering the flow of mighty rivers and then moving on because the place ain’t what it used to be. The byproduct of the lifestyle is polluted rivers, greenhouse effect, spouse abuse, televangelists, and serial killers. But as long as you have that four-wheel-drive vehicle and can keep driving north, you can sustain it, keep moving just quickly enough to stay one step ahead of your own waste stream. In twenty years, ten million white people will converge on the North Pole and park their bagos there. The low-grade waste heat of their thermodynamically intense lifestyle will turn the crystalline icescape pliable and treacherous. It will melt a hole through the polar icecap, and all that metal will sink to the bottom, sucking the biomass down with it.
June 11, 2025 at 10:45 PM
katietwohands.bsky.social
Every mustache is haunted by the ghost of the beard
June 10, 2025 at 5:11 AM
Reposted by KatieTwoHands
junlper.beer
it really doesn’t matter if someone is in america illegally or not. who cares, grow up
June 8, 2025 at 3:27 PM
Reposted by KatieTwoHands
catacalypto.bsky.social
gotta bring this classic over here
a tweet from my old twitter account reading “[historian voice] it has always sucked ass to be alive”
November 15, 2024 at 5:07 AM
Reposted by KatieTwoHands
katietwohands.bsky.social
I can’t quite pin down what makes his fashion sense so interesting…the big fuzzy hat lends a certain Jamirosaisquoi
September 19, 2024 at 4:33 PM