John Royal
@johnroyal.bsky.social
Attorney, Reformed Sports Writer, Uncle
https://johnroyal.substack.com
https://johnroyal.substack.com
Holy Crap, the Texans got prime time on Monday night and not 3:30 on Saturday on Peacock.
January 5, 2026 at 2:55 AM
Holy Crap, the Texans got prime time on Monday night and not 3:30 on Saturday on Peacock.
Reposted by John Royal
So like, what if Maduro is somehow acquitted?
January 4, 2026 at 9:12 PM
So like, what if Maduro is somehow acquitted?
Reposted by John Royal
Thank you all for your concern, and yes, PM Tuxley II has been moved to a safe location with cell geolocation disabled. He can be marked as “safe from American kidnappers” on social media. Thank you for your inattention to this matter!
January 3, 2026 at 10:52 PM
Thank you all for your concern, and yes, PM Tuxley II has been moved to a safe location with cell geolocation disabled. He can be marked as “safe from American kidnappers” on social media. Thank you for your inattention to this matter!
Of course the refs would screw up the end of this game.
January 2, 2026 at 4:49 AM
Of course the refs would screw up the end of this game.
Reposted by John Royal
I give it to 2 o clock for the CDC to declare thick blood a national emergency and demand a Nobel for dear leader’s discovery.
January 1, 2026 at 4:22 PM
I give it to 2 o clock for the CDC to declare thick blood a national emergency and demand a Nobel for dear leader’s discovery.
I choose art and I salute all of those who are able to create something from nothing. It's not easy, and it's not supposed to be easy.
In 2026 we have a choice: we can choose to be surprised by art, to be humbled by how difficult and insane and divine to create something new; or we can choose what we already know, the dull comfort of algorithms and AI prompts and well-trod paths, living shadow lives, anesthetized souls in Hades
December 31, 2025 at 3:42 PM
I choose art and I salute all of those who are able to create something from nothing. It's not easy, and it's not supposed to be easy.
On a personal note, I absolutely hated 2025 and I can't wait for it to disappear back into the depths of the Hell from which it emerged. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...
Good Riddance to 2025
Off to Hell you go
open.substack.com
December 31, 2025 at 3:40 PM
On a personal note, I absolutely hated 2025 and I can't wait for it to disappear back into the depths of the Hell from which it emerged. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...
Dear ESPN, thanks for the Lane Kiffin fluff. Sure UH just scored pretty easily on LSU, but why bother with the actual game being played?
December 28, 2025 at 3:15 AM
Dear ESPN, thanks for the Lane Kiffin fluff. Sure UH just scored pretty easily on LSU, but why bother with the actual game being played?
Reposted by John Royal
Lots of reasons to enjoy Die Hard’s seasonal popularity, and one is a nice reminder that not too long ago it was a-ok to portray most cops as bumbling doofuses and federal agents as ginormous failures. This can be ours again.
December 26, 2025 at 4:14 AM
Lots of reasons to enjoy Die Hard’s seasonal popularity, and one is a nice reminder that not too long ago it was a-ok to portray most cops as bumbling doofuses and federal agents as ginormous failures. This can be ours again.
I ran into an old friend at Kroger's the other day. The only problem, that friend has been dead for several years. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...
Seeing Doppelgängers in the Kroger's Checkout Lane
or, On Life, Death, and Bob Fosse's All That Jazz
open.substack.com
December 23, 2025 at 5:28 PM
I ran into an old friend at Kroger's the other day. The only problem, that friend has been dead for several years. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...
The people responsible for the Home Alone parody deserved a huge bonus from Lorne Michaels because that’s the only thing on SNL tonight that has been funny.
December 21, 2025 at 5:14 AM
The people responsible for the Home Alone parody deserved a huge bonus from Lorne Michaels because that’s the only thing on SNL tonight that has been funny.
Reposted by John Royal
The Epstein file is the only thing Trump has ever taken his name off of
🚨 "The Justice Department redacted the names and identifiers of victims. Fox News Digital has learned that the same redaction standards were applied to politically exposed individuals and government officials. "
h/t @kleinmatic.bsky.social
h/t @kleinmatic.bsky.social
Epstein files explode open as DOJ details discovery of powerful figures and more than 1,200 victims
EXCLUSIVE: More than a dozen people and government officials' names appear in the hundreds of thousands of pages of Jeffrey Epstein files made public Friday, sources said.
www.foxnews.com
December 19, 2025 at 11:20 PM
The Epstein file is the only thing Trump has ever taken his name off of
The comedy legacy of Carl and Rob Reiner will be felt for generations. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...
The Circle of Laughter: On Carl and Rob Reiner and TV and Film Comedy
or Carl and Rob and Mel and Albert and Dick and Steve and Bob and Mary and James and Garry and Penny and so on and so on
open.substack.com
December 19, 2025 at 5:47 PM
The comedy legacy of Carl and Rob Reiner will be felt for generations. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...
Is he proposing the Hunger Games?
Trump announces an "unprecedented four-day athletic event" with "one young man and one young woman from each state and territory"
December 18, 2025 at 8:54 PM
Is he proposing the Hunger Games?
Houston Mayor John Whitmire sees absolutely nothing wrong with this. He is fully onboard with all that is happening.
Luis was arrested by masked men, taken to a federal detention facility in Conroe, and separated from his five children — three of whom were born here. We need leaders who advocate for our mixed-status families, writes the Editorial Board.
www.houstonchronicle.com/opinion/edit...
www.houstonchronicle.com/opinion/edit...
December 17, 2025 at 6:11 PM
Houston Mayor John Whitmire sees absolutely nothing wrong with this. He is fully onboard with all that is happening.
It’s easy to forget how funny Rob Reiner could be, especially after he hit it big as a director. But here’s a clip of him on Letterman promoting The Sure Thing with a very special appearance from his best friend Albert Brooks. youtu.be/S9UKlgvFnFI?...
Rob Reiner (& Albert Brooks) on Letterman February 28, 1985
YouTube video by Don Giller
youtu.be
December 15, 2025 at 5:27 AM
It’s easy to forget how funny Rob Reiner could be, especially after he hit it big as a director. But here’s a clip of him on Letterman promoting The Sure Thing with a very special appearance from his best friend Albert Brooks. youtu.be/S9UKlgvFnFI?...
Oh fuck, now Rob Reiner and his wife? My god what an awful weekend this has been.
December 15, 2025 at 3:42 AM
Oh fuck, now Rob Reiner and his wife? My god what an awful weekend this has been.
These three idiots go to London, a true story of laughs and peril. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...
These Three Idiots Go To London: A True Story
It Was a Beautiful Trip, Even if I Did Get Covid
open.substack.com
December 8, 2025 at 2:15 PM
These three idiots go to London, a true story of laughs and peril. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...
Reposted by John Royal
Jeff Kent is, without a doubt, the first person sent to Cooperstown who said his truck jumped him during an innocent car-washing domestic situation. And probably the last, but never say never.
December 8, 2025 at 12:43 AM
Jeff Kent is, without a doubt, the first person sent to Cooperstown who said his truck jumped him during an innocent car-washing domestic situation. And probably the last, but never say never.
I was lucky enough to witness a citizenship ceremony on Ellis Island. That was one of the most uplifting things I’ve ever experienced. I can’t believe this is how we’re treating people who truly want to be U.S. citizens.
December 7, 2025 at 4:16 AM
I was lucky enough to witness a citizenship ceremony on Ellis Island. That was one of the most uplifting things I’ve ever experienced. I can’t believe this is how we’re treating people who truly want to be U.S. citizens.
Memories from a holiday long ago where I was sick and unable to partake in all of the fun and joy. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...
Got A Lot On My Head: Memories From A Thanksgiving Long Ago
or, memories of surgeries past
open.substack.com
December 5, 2025 at 6:03 PM
Memories from a holiday long ago where I was sick and unable to partake in all of the fun and joy. open.substack.com/pub/johnroya...
I know Alabama/Auburn is the big game, but the USC/UCLA game is a beautifully gorgeous uniform matchup.
November 30, 2025 at 12:50 AM
I know Alabama/Auburn is the big game, but the USC/UCLA game is a beautifully gorgeous uniform matchup.
No ESPN, no. I don’t have to consider a 3-loss UT team as a playoff team. It’s bad enough Notre Dame is a shoo-in, but that doesn’t mean I have to now consider a team that lost to Florida.
November 29, 2025 at 4:23 AM
No ESPN, no. I don’t have to consider a 3-loss UT team as a playoff team. It’s bad enough Notre Dame is a shoo-in, but that doesn’t mean I have to now consider a team that lost to Florida.
Reposted by John Royal
Steve Sarkisian is about to do some politicking that will put Mack Brown to shame.
November 29, 2025 at 4:08 AM
Steve Sarkisian is about to do some politicking that will put Mack Brown to shame.
So the question is: Are Aggies gonna Aggie or is Sark gonna Sark?
November 29, 2025 at 3:38 AM
So the question is: Are Aggies gonna Aggie or is Sark gonna Sark?