Pinned
sir, your total will be $9.85, and peter griffin, sir, it is an honor to serve you today.
Trump's approval ratings honestly aren't even that much higher than Maduro's.
January 4, 2026 at 9:13 PM
Trump's approval ratings honestly aren't even that much higher than Maduro's.
Took a week and a half off from lifting, and if my upper day yesterday is any clue for how my lower day today is going to go, I am 100% going to throw up on the hack squat machine.
January 4, 2026 at 8:14 PM
Took a week and a half off from lifting, and if my upper day yesterday is any clue for how my lower day today is going to go, I am 100% going to throw up on the hack squat machine.
Towards the end of the Obama years, it really felt like there was some effort to get away from that John Stewart "These guys are just idiots" which felt like an attempt to view their ideas more as bad, or straight up evil, and not just "dumb"
But, turned out everyone was dumber than we thought!
But, turned out everyone was dumber than we thought!
my plan to get this country back on track consists of one bullet point: i propose we stop pretending stupid people arent stupid just because theyre loud and theres a lot of them
January 4, 2026 at 8:09 PM
Towards the end of the Obama years, it really felt like there was some effort to get away from that John Stewart "These guys are just idiots" which felt like an attempt to view their ideas more as bad, or straight up evil, and not just "dumb"
But, turned out everyone was dumber than we thought!
But, turned out everyone was dumber than we thought!
Reposted by Grosdoriane
i’ve still seen people not take trump seriously on greenland but i’ve never been more certain he really does want to colonize it
January 4, 2026 at 7:43 PM
i’ve still seen people not take trump seriously on greenland but i’ve never been more certain he really does want to colonize it
It is fun how everyone is just remembering in real time like "Ooohhh, right. THAT'S why gambling was illegal."
January 4, 2026 at 6:41 AM
It is fun how everyone is just remembering in real time like "Ooohhh, right. THAT'S why gambling was illegal."
Reposted by Grosdoriane
(watching Gallagher smash watermelons with a big mallet) this guy cannot be serious
January 4, 2026 at 1:55 AM
(watching Gallagher smash watermelons with a big mallet) this guy cannot be serious
They hate us, and they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone should!!!!
Demonstrators set US flag on fire on Place de la République in Paris during the rally against the American military intervention in Venezuela.
January 4, 2026 at 12:30 AM
They hate us, and they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone should!!!!
I deeply agree with #1, because on here it often means someone posts one of my old tweets in response to it, and I get a follower bump.
That's passive income, baby.
That's passive income, baby.
in my experience the two best ways to get yelled at by doofuses on here are: (1) say "this is not who we are" (get told this is exactly who we are"); or (2) say something like "we will rightly be held to account for this someday" (get told "who are you calling 'we' white man").
January 3, 2026 at 10:44 PM
I deeply agree with #1, because on here it often means someone posts one of my old tweets in response to it, and I get a follower bump.
That's passive income, baby.
That's passive income, baby.
Reposted by Grosdoriane
Days after his third dementia screening in six months the president of the United States, who is an open pedophile, abducts a foreign head of state
January 3, 2026 at 9:00 PM
Days after his third dementia screening in six months the president of the United States, who is an open pedophile, abducts a foreign head of state
Like, do they think that officially designating fentanyl as a "WMD" was going to make this like the Iraq War (incredibly popular war that everyone loved, and no one felt lied to before, during, or after)?
I feel like I haven’t even been properly lied to about the purposes of this war
January 3, 2026 at 9:01 PM
Like, do they think that officially designating fentanyl as a "WMD" was going to make this like the Iraq War (incredibly popular war that everyone loved, and no one felt lied to before, during, or after)?
ever since I heard about those damn meteorites from space i always've slept with a helmet on. can never be too safe.
January 3, 2026 at 6:10 AM
ever since I heard about those damn meteorites from space i always've slept with a helmet on. can never be too safe.
One of the auditoriums in every movie theater should just be showing old movies one after the other from open to close, and you can go and buy a Day Pass for $20.
January 3, 2026 at 5:21 AM
One of the auditoriums in every movie theater should just be showing old movies one after the other from open to close, and you can go and buy a Day Pass for $20.
I was just thinking "Man, I just posted something awesome, how come I'm not getting any likes on that?" And then I remembered that it was actually a message that i sent in a group chat with my friends 😂😂😂 oh, and also that basically everyone on here fucking hates my guts is why, too 😂😂😂
January 3, 2026 at 4:36 AM
I was just thinking "Man, I just posted something awesome, how come I'm not getting any likes on that?" And then I remembered that it was actually a message that i sent in a group chat with my friends 😂😂😂 oh, and also that basically everyone on here fucking hates my guts is why, too 😂😂😂
The CDC has issued an urgent warning to Americans that food might be in the fridge
Measles may have been spread at a Noah’s Ark-themed creationist museum in Kentucky earlier this week, the state’s health authority said.
Health Authorities Issue Measles Alert at Creationist Museum
In 2025, the U.S. had the most infections of the vaccine-preventable disease since 1992.
trib.al
January 3, 2026 at 4:35 AM
The CDC has issued an urgent warning to Americans that food might be in the fridge
you know what, who cares anymore. maybe i will become a "book at the bar" kind of guy. what are you going to do about it? fight me? you will go home in an ambulance easily 5 times out of 10, guaranteed.
January 3, 2026 at 4:25 AM
you know what, who cares anymore. maybe i will become a "book at the bar" kind of guy. what are you going to do about it? fight me? you will go home in an ambulance easily 5 times out of 10, guaranteed.
Think I'm gonna head to the store and grab some batteries and about 1,200 steps, if anyone else needs anything.
January 3, 2026 at 3:37 AM
Think I'm gonna head to the store and grab some batteries and about 1,200 steps, if anyone else needs anything.
why would you guys even put "melancholic" as an option? :/
Take a screenshot of this GIF, and whichever new word you land on is YOUR word for 2026.
Let's. Go.
Let's. Go.
January 3, 2026 at 3:16 AM
why would you guys even put "melancholic" as an option? :/
Indoor swimming pool. I don't even want to swim, I just want to be able to occasionally walk into an 85 degree humid room that Smells Weird.
if you could have one absolutely ridiculous thing in your house, money is no issue, what would you add?
January 3, 2026 at 3:14 AM
Indoor swimming pool. I don't even want to swim, I just want to be able to occasionally walk into an 85 degree humid room that Smells Weird.
Hitler's Nightly NyQuil Habit: Prophylactic Protector or Fanciful Futility? (Archived Article - June 1940)
January 3, 2026 at 3:13 AM
Hitler's Nightly NyQuil Habit: Prophylactic Protector or Fanciful Futility? (Archived Article - June 1940)
Alright, no offense, but this year's holiday break has gone on far too long. It is straight up time to go back to work, I have had enough.
January 3, 2026 at 3:08 AM
Alright, no offense, but this year's holiday break has gone on far too long. It is straight up time to go back to work, I have had enough.
My Virtuous Goal for the new year is to start going to therapy. But my Impish Trick for the new year is to only tell the therapist Lies and Falsehoods.
January 3, 2026 at 3:04 AM
My Virtuous Goal for the new year is to start going to therapy. But my Impish Trick for the new year is to only tell the therapist Lies and Falsehoods.
I don't care if a private equity group closes a chain of nationwide bakeries that sells $6 cupcakes
January 3, 2026 at 2:41 AM
I don't care if a private equity group closes a chain of nationwide bakeries that sells $6 cupcakes
it's beautiful to see how far New York City has progressed socially since ❤️
January 3, 2026 at 2:36 AM
it's beautiful to see how far New York City has progressed socially since ❤️
fuck u, now i'm calling AI "slop" AND you "ugly," ugly
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella says people should move beyond calling AI 'slop'
"We need to get beyond the arguments of slop vs sophistication and develop a new equilibrium ... that accounts for humans being equipped with these new cognitive amplifier tools as we relate to each other"
"We need to get beyond the arguments of slop vs sophistication and develop a new equilibrium ... that accounts for humans being equipped with these new cognitive amplifier tools as we relate to each other"
January 3, 2026 at 2:21 AM
fuck u, now i'm calling AI "slop" AND you "ugly," ugly
Sometimes you just hear a dumb sentence and it sticks with you in an embarrassing way that actually affects your life.
Anyways, this one from Yung Lean is unfortunately gonna be rattling through my head throughout this very Dry January
Anyways, this one from Yung Lean is unfortunately gonna be rattling through my head throughout this very Dry January
January 3, 2026 at 1:32 AM
Sometimes you just hear a dumb sentence and it sticks with you in an embarrassing way that actually affects your life.
Anyways, this one from Yung Lean is unfortunately gonna be rattling through my head throughout this very Dry January
Anyways, this one from Yung Lean is unfortunately gonna be rattling through my head throughout this very Dry January