Douglas Cheape
@douglascheape.bsky.social
An idiot, but not one of the useful kind.
Why are scientists wasting time on stuff like cold fusion, when there is still no healthy late night snack I actually want?
January 3, 2026 at 10:51 PM
Why are scientists wasting time on stuff like cold fusion, when there is still no healthy late night snack I actually want?
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
Oh Jesus Christ…oh no…Paddington?
January 3, 2026 at 2:43 PM
Oh Jesus Christ…oh no…Paddington?
Me: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Hamish: AAWOOWOOAAAARGH!
Hamish: AAWOOWOOAAAARGH!
January 3, 2026 at 2:49 PM
Me: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Hamish: AAWOOWOOAAAARGH!
Hamish: AAWOOWOOAAAARGH!
The Hebridean Isle of Lewis’ decision to try and burn its peat before it becomes oil really paying dividends right now.
January 3, 2026 at 11:28 AM
The Hebridean Isle of Lewis’ decision to try and burn its peat before it becomes oil really paying dividends right now.
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
Forgot to post this one
![[Scene is KEIR STARMER as FATHER CHRISTMAS in his factory, with RACHEL REEVES as an awkward-looking Head Elf]
1
FATHER KEIR:
Well, well, well!
[Elf Reeves is holding an enormous sack of letters]
2
FATHER KEIR:
Look at all these letters of membership cancellation!
ELF REEVES:
More than ever this year
3
[Father Keir reads one out:]
“Dear Father Keir
I am writing to cancel my Labour Party membership…”
Awww how sweet
4
“I have truly believed for 40 years, but now I’ve had enough.”
5
“Please please please this year can you deliver some policies that aren’t craven right wing bullshit?”
6
FATHER KEIR:
Well, I think we know what to give this good boy don’t we?
Elf Mahmood!
7
[Show SHABANA MAHMOOD as an elf poking her head round a doorway to afactory full of busy elves, above the door is a wooden sign reading CRAVEN RIGHTWING BULLSHIT FACTORY]
ELF MAHMOOD:
What.
8
FATHER KEIR:
Do we have any performatively cruel immigration stuff left?
9
ELF MAHMOOD:
We've got ‘stealing their belongings and a 20-year wait for settled status’…?
10
FATHER KEIR:
In the sack, please!
[Elves Mahmood and Reeves push the big sack into the sleigh as father Keir climbs in the driver’s seat]
11
And off we goooo!
[He wooshes off into the snowy polar night]
12
[Cut to a person’s LIVING ROOM - a man and a woman are looking in their stockings - the man looks disappointed]
WOMAN:
Is it not what you wanted
MAN:
Not really, no
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreid3i66ptsq5hvcwqftxwpr5hetglcixslpbskhsigu7t6c7bng3uq@jpeg)
January 2, 2026 at 11:16 PM
Forgot to post this one
Well, sitting here in casualty, I just want to say that fellow Dyson and his so called ‘Ball Cleaner’ can expect a letter from my solicitor.
January 3, 2026 at 12:35 AM
Well, sitting here in casualty, I just want to say that fellow Dyson and his so called ‘Ball Cleaner’ can expect a letter from my solicitor.
Introduce yourself with what almost killed you:
January 2, 2026 at 8:44 PM
Introduce yourself with what almost killed you:
Alright, so I may have broken all of this year’s resolutions, but I tell you, I have high hopes for 2027.
January 2, 2026 at 8:37 PM
Alright, so I may have broken all of this year’s resolutions, but I tell you, I have high hopes for 2027.
This afternoon we have been hiding from the wind and snow behind a rock.
January 2, 2026 at 3:19 PM
This afternoon we have been hiding from the wind and snow behind a rock.
Utilised the recent snow to create a replica of the Matterhorn. My wife asked if it was to scale, but I said, ‘Naw, it’s jist fur lookin’ at.’
January 2, 2026 at 2:48 PM
Utilised the recent snow to create a replica of the Matterhorn. My wife asked if it was to scale, but I said, ‘Naw, it’s jist fur lookin’ at.’
‘I cannot imagine living in a country so uncivilised as to not give their citizens two official days holiday after New Year.’
- Smug, from Scotland.
- Smug, from Scotland.
January 2, 2026 at 2:10 PM
‘I cannot imagine living in a country so uncivilised as to not give their citizens two official days holiday after New Year.’
- Smug, from Scotland.
- Smug, from Scotland.
Day moving into night nicely.
January 1, 2026 at 5:56 PM
Day moving into night nicely.
Already having a lovely afternoon, when a lovely, and very funny guy I met at the Edinburgh festival a few years back turns up conducting the Vienna Philharmonic (and the audience) in the New Year’s Day Concert. Yannick Nézet-Séguin, you absolute star.
January 1, 2026 at 4:21 PM
Already having a lovely afternoon, when a lovely, and very funny guy I met at the Edinburgh festival a few years back turns up conducting the Vienna Philharmonic (and the audience) in the New Year’s Day Concert. Yannick Nézet-Séguin, you absolute star.
Maybe if I just lie very still, my hangover will think I’m dead and go somewhere else.
January 1, 2026 at 3:53 PM
Maybe if I just lie very still, my hangover will think I’m dead and go somewhere else.
Lunch. Imperative one begins the year the way one means to carry on.
January 1, 2026 at 3:39 PM
Lunch. Imperative one begins the year the way one means to carry on.
Classic New Year’s Day breakfast posted by ‘Homemade Scottish Recipes’ this morning.
January 1, 2026 at 3:25 PM
Classic New Year’s Day breakfast posted by ‘Homemade Scottish Recipes’ this morning.
The view from my study window this morning somewhat heralded what could only be described as a challenging dog walk (for me, not him).
January 1, 2026 at 3:17 PM
The view from my study window this morning somewhat heralded what could only be described as a challenging dog walk (for me, not him).
Sadly, at only nineteen minutes into 2026, I appear to have signalled the quality of reply those I follow can expect in the coming year.
January 1, 2026 at 2:52 PM
Sadly, at only nineteen minutes into 2026, I appear to have signalled the quality of reply those I follow can expect in the coming year.
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
Wring the Scottish rain clouds dry;
Take sleet, the driving snow, the hail;
Winter twilight; the summer’s sun slowed down
to pearl-sheen dusk on hillsides, city-roofs,
on lochs at midnight…
—Rob Butlin, “A Recipe for Whisky” 🥃
in WITHOUT A BACKWARD GLANCE (Barzan 2005)
Happy New Year!
#poem #poetry
Take sleet, the driving snow, the hail;
Winter twilight; the summer’s sun slowed down
to pearl-sheen dusk on hillsides, city-roofs,
on lochs at midnight…
—Rob Butlin, “A Recipe for Whisky” 🥃
in WITHOUT A BACKWARD GLANCE (Barzan 2005)
Happy New Year!
#poem #poetry
January 1, 2026 at 12:01 AM
Happy Hogmanay! May all of your desires be fulfilled in 2026.
*Except for that one, you dirty devil.
*Except for that one, you dirty devil.
December 31, 2025 at 11:34 PM
Happy Hogmanay! May all of your desires be fulfilled in 2026.
*Except for that one, you dirty devil.
*Except for that one, you dirty devil.
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
Wha knocks at my door this Hogmanay?
A cannie young lassie, limber and gay.
Lips o’ mine, e’en o’ mine—
Come ben, come ben tho’ ye’re deid lang syne…
—Marion Angus, “Hogmanay”
THE SINGIN LASS (1929)
#poem #poetry #Hogmanay
digital.nls.uk/works-by-sel...
A cannie young lassie, limber and gay.
Lips o’ mine, e’en o’ mine—
Come ben, come ben tho’ ye’re deid lang syne…
—Marion Angus, “Hogmanay”
THE SINGIN LASS (1929)
#poem #poetry #Hogmanay
digital.nls.uk/works-by-sel...
December 31, 2025 at 1:59 PM
Wha knocks at my door this Hogmanay?
A cannie young lassie, limber and gay.
Lips o’ mine, e’en o’ mine—
Come ben, come ben tho’ ye’re deid lang syne…
—Marion Angus, “Hogmanay”
THE SINGIN LASS (1929)
#poem #poetry #Hogmanay
digital.nls.uk/works-by-sel...
A cannie young lassie, limber and gay.
Lips o’ mine, e’en o’ mine—
Come ben, come ben tho’ ye’re deid lang syne…
—Marion Angus, “Hogmanay”
THE SINGIN LASS (1929)
#poem #poetry #Hogmanay
digital.nls.uk/works-by-sel...
Happy Hogmanay folks!
December 31, 2025 at 10:16 AM
Happy Hogmanay folks!
Tag yourself.
Z…obviously.
Z…obviously.
December 31, 2025 at 9:50 AM
Tag yourself.
Z…obviously.
Z…obviously.