Douglas Cheape
@douglascheape.bsky.social
An idiot, but not one of the useful kind.
Squeezing the last drops out of the day.
January 6, 2026 at 11:17 PM
Squeezing the last drops out of the day.
For my new sitcom ‘Douglas isn’t Helping’ my wife suggested I secure Jon Hamm.
‘Oh, to play me?’ I asked.
‘Well,’ she replied. ‘You just get him under lock and key, and I’ll take care of the rest.’
‘Oh, to play me?’ I asked.
‘Well,’ she replied. ‘You just get him under lock and key, and I’ll take care of the rest.’
January 6, 2026 at 3:48 PM
For my new sitcom ‘Douglas isn’t Helping’ my wife suggested I secure Jon Hamm.
‘Oh, to play me?’ I asked.
‘Well,’ she replied. ‘You just get him under lock and key, and I’ll take care of the rest.’
‘Oh, to play me?’ I asked.
‘Well,’ she replied. ‘You just get him under lock and key, and I’ll take care of the rest.’
I'd give that a few minutes if I was you.
January 6, 2026 at 12:11 PM
I'd give that a few minutes if I was you.
Cannot believe how long it’s taking to tidy up after the festive season.
January 5, 2026 at 9:50 PM
Cannot believe how long it’s taking to tidy up after the festive season.
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
Literally a publication for eight-year olds 40 years ago
January 4, 2026 at 6:49 PM
Literally a publication for eight-year olds 40 years ago
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
This needs to be seen more - excellent anti-gambling companies attack piece by Christopher Eccleston. Good gag at 42s as well youtu.be/R6ufZU1pgs8?...
Stacking The Deck - with Christopher Eccleston
YouTube video by CEGA
youtu.be
January 5, 2026 at 11:29 AM
This needs to be seen more - excellent anti-gambling companies attack piece by Christopher Eccleston. Good gag at 42s as well youtu.be/R6ufZU1pgs8?...
Concentrate now.
January 5, 2026 at 6:44 PM
Concentrate now.
‘Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Hope it don't rain all day’
Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Hope it don't rain all day’
What's your favourite thing that's been made by an absolute cunt?
January 5, 2026 at 12:48 PM
‘Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Hope it don't rain all day’
Oh, the water
Oh, the water
Hope it don't rain all day’
Fellow slatterns beware!
As I'm sure you're aware, the fifth of January is the day of the Schnabelperchten, a creature of Austrian folklore who will check your house for cleanliness. If they decide you haven't done a good enough job, they'll slit open your belly and fill it with straw. Happy New Year..!
January 5, 2026 at 12:34 PM
Fellow slatterns beware!
⭐
TREE
DOWN
I REPEAT
TREE IS DOWN
OVER
TREE
DOWN
I REPEAT
TREE IS DOWN
OVER
January 5, 2026 at 10:02 AM
⭐
TREE
DOWN
I REPEAT
TREE IS DOWN
OVER
TREE
DOWN
I REPEAT
TREE IS DOWN
OVER
It always surprises me when all of the trust, lovingly built over many years of happy marriage, is routinely discarded in a single moment.
'Are you sitting on the remote?'
'No.'
'Stand up.'
'Are you sitting on the remote?'
'No.'
'Stand up.'
January 5, 2026 at 9:47 AM
It always surprises me when all of the trust, lovingly built over many years of happy marriage, is routinely discarded in a single moment.
'Are you sitting on the remote?'
'No.'
'Stand up.'
'Are you sitting on the remote?'
'No.'
'Stand up.'
I need to go to bed, but the wind is roaring in the chimney and the peat fire has burst once more into life. I guess it’s lights off and just one more dram in the sweet smelling dark flicker of the rich black earth.
January 5, 2026 at 12:28 AM
I need to go to bed, but the wind is roaring in the chimney and the peat fire has burst once more into life. I guess it’s lights off and just one more dram in the sweet smelling dark flicker of the rich black earth.
*quietly steps down from Christmas table, puts down gun, and eats a brussels sprout*
all this is both foolish and unnecessary
January 5, 2026 at 12:12 AM
*quietly steps down from Christmas table, puts down gun, and eats a brussels sprout*
Driving home on a summers day with the windows down and Hamish in the back seat.
It must be borne in mind that all this time we have a Sperm Whale’s prodigious head hanging to the Pequod’s side.
January 4, 2026 at 10:31 PM
Driving home on a summers day with the windows down and Hamish in the back seat.
Absolutely Hate: Dream sequences.
Absolutely Love: Powell and Pressburger dream sequences.
Absolutely Love: Powell and Pressburger dream sequences.
January 4, 2026 at 10:27 PM
Absolutely Hate: Dream sequences.
Absolutely Love: Powell and Pressburger dream sequences.
Absolutely Love: Powell and Pressburger dream sequences.
The (very) cold light of day.
January 4, 2026 at 9:50 PM
The (very) cold light of day.
14 years later, and still funny.
January 4, 2026 at 2:52 PM
14 years later, and still funny.
A room with a view.
*bedroom
*bedroom
January 4, 2026 at 11:10 AM
A room with a view.
*bedroom
*bedroom
Why are scientists wasting time on stuff like cold fusion, when there is still no healthy late night snack I actually want?
January 3, 2026 at 10:51 PM
Why are scientists wasting time on stuff like cold fusion, when there is still no healthy late night snack I actually want?
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
Oh Jesus Christ…oh no…Paddington?
January 3, 2026 at 2:43 PM
Oh Jesus Christ…oh no…Paddington?
Me: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Hamish: AAWOOWOOAAAARGH!
Hamish: AAWOOWOOAAAARGH!
January 3, 2026 at 2:49 PM
Me: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Hamish: AAWOOWOOAAAARGH!
Hamish: AAWOOWOOAAAARGH!
The Hebridean Isle of Lewis’ decision to try and burn its peat before it becomes oil really paying dividends right now.
January 3, 2026 at 11:28 AM
The Hebridean Isle of Lewis’ decision to try and burn its peat before it becomes oil really paying dividends right now.
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
Reposted by Douglas Cheape
Forgot to post this one
![[Scene is KEIR STARMER as FATHER CHRISTMAS in his factory, with RACHEL REEVES as an awkward-looking Head Elf]
1
FATHER KEIR:
Well, well, well!
[Elf Reeves is holding an enormous sack of letters]
2
FATHER KEIR:
Look at all these letters of membership cancellation!
ELF REEVES:
More than ever this year
3
[Father Keir reads one out:]
“Dear Father Keir
I am writing to cancel my Labour Party membership…”
Awww how sweet
4
“I have truly believed for 40 years, but now I’ve had enough.”
5
“Please please please this year can you deliver some policies that aren’t craven right wing bullshit?”
6
FATHER KEIR:
Well, I think we know what to give this good boy don’t we?
Elf Mahmood!
7
[Show SHABANA MAHMOOD as an elf poking her head round a doorway to afactory full of busy elves, above the door is a wooden sign reading CRAVEN RIGHTWING BULLSHIT FACTORY]
ELF MAHMOOD:
What.
8
FATHER KEIR:
Do we have any performatively cruel immigration stuff left?
9
ELF MAHMOOD:
We've got ‘stealing their belongings and a 20-year wait for settled status’…?
10
FATHER KEIR:
In the sack, please!
[Elves Mahmood and Reeves push the big sack into the sleigh as father Keir climbs in the driver’s seat]
11
And off we goooo!
[He wooshes off into the snowy polar night]
12
[Cut to a person’s LIVING ROOM - a man and a woman are looking in their stockings - the man looks disappointed]
WOMAN:
Is it not what you wanted
MAN:
Not really, no
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreid3i66ptsq5hvcwqftxwpr5hetglcixslpbskhsigu7t6c7bng3uq@jpeg)
January 2, 2026 at 11:16 PM
Forgot to post this one
Well, sitting here in casualty, I just want to say that fellow Dyson and his so called ‘Ball Cleaner’ can expect a letter from my solicitor.
January 3, 2026 at 12:35 AM
Well, sitting here in casualty, I just want to say that fellow Dyson and his so called ‘Ball Cleaner’ can expect a letter from my solicitor.