the bareback contessa (festive edition)
@capitaloftexas.bsky.social
austin. he/him. 30-something texan transplanted to minnesota. professional musician and even more professional faggot. 🏳️🌈
all other socials: carillonghorn
(this account is very nsfw so you know me in real life… look away)
all other socials: carillonghorn
(this account is very nsfw so you know me in real life… look away)
Reposted by the bareback contessa (festive edition)
Reposted by the bareback contessa (festive edition)
so i’m baked and just like… spent a good couple minutes looking at my foot that’s peeking out from under my blanket
i have ugly feet lmao
i have ugly feet lmao
November 28, 2025 at 12:14 AM
so i’m baked and just like… spent a good couple minutes looking at my foot that’s peeking out from under my blanket
i have ugly feet lmao
i have ugly feet lmao
happy (american) thanksgiving, bloomfies!! thanks for putting up with my bitching and peepee pics, ily 🥰
November 27, 2025 at 4:53 PM
happy (american) thanksgiving, bloomfies!! thanks for putting up with my bitching and peepee pics, ily 🥰
what’s a movie you never tire of?
November 27, 2025 at 2:54 PM
what’s a movie you never tire of?
doing thanksgiving dinner tonight so it’s time to break out The Good China™️
this set only gets used for thanksgiving or if i’m cooking dinner for a date 😂
this set only gets used for thanksgiving or if i’m cooking dinner for a date 😂
November 27, 2025 at 2:20 AM
doing thanksgiving dinner tonight so it’s time to break out The Good China™️
this set only gets used for thanksgiving or if i’m cooking dinner for a date 😂
this set only gets used for thanksgiving or if i’m cooking dinner for a date 😂
Reposted by the bareback contessa (festive edition)
some of y’all need to stop watching Stranger Things and go touch some strangers’ dongs
November 27, 2025 at 1:27 AM
some of y’all need to stop watching Stranger Things and go touch some strangers’ dongs
okay do y’all know what i love
bush 🥵
bush 🥵
November 26, 2025 at 11:28 PM
okay do y’all know what i love
bush 🥵
bush 🥵
Reposted by the bareback contessa (festive edition)
A couple of examples 😅
November 25, 2025 at 9:24 PM
A couple of examples 😅
also what should i doordash for dinner
i haven’t eaten since saturday afternoon and am hungyyy
i haven’t eaten since saturday afternoon and am hungyyy
November 25, 2025 at 8:39 PM
also what should i doordash for dinner
i haven’t eaten since saturday afternoon and am hungyyy
i haven’t eaten since saturday afternoon and am hungyyy
ope i almost forgot my mid-afternoon cry sesh because i’m a disappointment and hate myself 😎💅🏻
November 25, 2025 at 8:38 PM
ope i almost forgot my mid-afternoon cry sesh because i’m a disappointment and hate myself 😎💅🏻
oh no the doctor doing my colonoscopy is a hot faggot who’s going to see my peepee and broken hole 😩
November 25, 2025 at 4:52 PM
oh no the doctor doing my colonoscopy is a hot faggot who’s going to see my peepee and broken hole 😩
lollllll y’all remember the gay porn actor i mentioned a while back that was soft-launching maga? he posted this on facebook this morning… 🌚
November 25, 2025 at 1:12 PM
lollllll y’all remember the gay porn actor i mentioned a while back that was soft-launching maga? he posted this on facebook this morning… 🌚
turkey tastes like napkins; easy choice 🍗
with charity and goodwill, i must here part ways with rolls.
November 25, 2025 at 4:52 AM
turkey tastes like napkins; easy choice 🍗
i have a colonoscopy tomorrow morning to try and figure out what tf is going on with my gut
just finished drinking the solution they give you to flush out your colon… good god that shit is nasty
just finished drinking the solution they give you to flush out your colon… good god that shit is nasty
November 25, 2025 at 2:21 AM
i have a colonoscopy tomorrow morning to try and figure out what tf is going on with my gut
just finished drinking the solution they give you to flush out your colon… good god that shit is nasty
just finished drinking the solution they give you to flush out your colon… good god that shit is nasty
wait i thought of a funnier one
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your Hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your Hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
Baby, take me to the feelin'
I'll be your sinner in secret
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
Baby, every single minute
I'll be your hero and win it
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
I'll be your sinner in secret
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
Baby, every single minute
I'll be your hero and win it
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
November 23, 2025 at 6:02 AM
wait i thought of a funnier one
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your Hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your Hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
Baby, take me to the feelin'
I'll be your sinner in secret
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
Baby, every single minute
I'll be your hero and win it
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
I'll be your sinner in secret
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
Baby, every single minute
I'll be your hero and win it
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
November 23, 2025 at 3:41 AM
Baby, take me to the feelin'
I'll be your sinner in secret
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
Baby, every single minute
I'll be your hero and win it
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
I'll be your sinner in secret
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
Baby, every single minute
I'll be your hero and win it
When the lights go out
Run away with me, run away with me
four christmas movies to know me by
November 21, 2025 at 2:47 AM
four christmas movies to know me by
a friend just told me it’s weird i keep a full set of extra clothes in my office. well, actually, two; one casual and one business casual. i also have a pair of boxers and socks with each outfit. friend said the weird part is the underwear
but you never know when you need a full fresh fit ya know
but you never know when you need a full fresh fit ya know
November 21, 2025 at 2:15 AM
a friend just told me it’s weird i keep a full set of extra clothes in my office. well, actually, two; one casual and one business casual. i also have a pair of boxers and socks with each outfit. friend said the weird part is the underwear
but you never know when you need a full fresh fit ya know
but you never know when you need a full fresh fit ya know
i got stoned (lol big surprise) an ordered domino’s oops
November 21, 2025 at 1:31 AM
i got stoned (lol big surprise) an ordered domino’s oops
post a skipless album
November 20, 2025 at 5:21 PM
post a skipless album
eye thread, “when will my husband return from war” edition
November 20, 2025 at 4:03 PM
eye thread, “when will my husband return from war” edition
Reposted by the bareback contessa (festive edition)
and one more thing fuck this brownie pan in particular
November 20, 2025 at 2:55 PM
and one more thing fuck this brownie pan in particular
lady, this bus has 36 seats and you’re one of six people on it
why tf did you sit directly behind me
why tf did you sit directly behind me
November 20, 2025 at 2:31 PM
lady, this bus has 36 seats and you’re one of six people on it
why tf did you sit directly behind me
why tf did you sit directly behind me
laying in bed and i see an aunt posting on facebook about how The Democrats™️ are trying to go after the tangerine traitor just bc they’re anti-american and hate him for how great he is for the country, etc
(this is also the same “christian” woman that told her daughter-in-law empathy is a sin 🤗)
(this is also the same “christian” woman that told her daughter-in-law empathy is a sin 🤗)
November 20, 2025 at 2:42 AM
laying in bed and i see an aunt posting on facebook about how The Democrats™️ are trying to go after the tangerine traitor just bc they’re anti-american and hate him for how great he is for the country, etc
(this is also the same “christian” woman that told her daughter-in-law empathy is a sin 🤗)
(this is also the same “christian” woman that told her daughter-in-law empathy is a sin 🤗)