tfw u need seven samurai

From this minister's op-ed: "People wanting to experience God are more likely to meet the Divine trying to shut down the Broadview, Illinois, ICE facility than we ever were in church...God does not live in our houses of worship, but...with those who are bearing the brunt of cruelty in this moment."

Kinda weird he would post this about himself

🚫 NO DMS 🚫 NO CRYPTO 🚫 NO TELLING ME THAT SOMETHING IS "BOFA" 🚫 NO SLEIGHT OF HAND TO MAKE IT APPEAR AS THOUGH YOU HAVE PULLED A QUARTER OUT OF MY EAR 🚫 NO PRETENDING TO HAVE "GOTTEN MY NOSE" 🚫 NO ASKING ME "PETE AND RE-PEAT WERE IN A BOAT, PETE FELL OUT, WHO WAS LEFT" 🚫

guy in 3000 bc: remember when tools were made of stone 🪨 now every thing is bronze 😡 we used to live in cave ⛰️ now we sleep in hut 😪 instead of hunting ox 🐮 we make them pull plow 🌾 who else wish we could go back 😩

Tony Soprano: I’m stressed out of my mind, I gotta see a psychiatrist.

No one: Maybe cut back on drinking and cigars?

Tony: I’m gonna cheat of my wife

Dodgers broadcast was discussing the science behind the perception of time between children and adults. After hearing the explanation, the color commentator pauses and asks, "Am I gonna feel any better?"

Andy Pages then smashes a dinger into space, thus ending the existential crisis on commentary.

Back in my day, when you heard the word pot, you immediately thought roast. Now kids hear pot and think smoking. It’s an epidemic! To solve America’s problems people need to think about roasts more

What did the University of Pennsylvania Zoologist, who is into crafts, ask the other University of Pennsylvania Zoologist who is into crafts?

Knit any lions?

Yesterday, a dog pooped the floor in Costco. It was massive. It stank.

So I gotta give the double chunk chocolate dookie a doom.