bonerheimer
@awfullymatt.bsky.social
this monster wanders the bodega, sucking dry any creatures it may encounter
Pinned
when i reach the champion skittle that survived being smooshed against all the others
Reposted by bonerheimer
[soul calibur announcer voice] everybody knows you're high, and they're mad at you
December 2, 2025 at 1:54 PM
[soul calibur announcer voice] everybody knows you're high, and they're mad at you
Reposted by bonerheimer
me *attached to a plane propeller*: gotta be honest, guys, i'm not really seein how this will fix my IBS...
the spin doctors: DA BIB A DIP! DA BEEBA DOOBA DEE BEE DO DO DA DA DAH BOO DABAH!
the spin doctors: DA BIB A DIP! DA BEEBA DOOBA DEE BEE DO DO DA DA DAH BOO DABAH!
December 1, 2025 at 4:42 PM
me *attached to a plane propeller*: gotta be honest, guys, i'm not really seein how this will fix my IBS...
the spin doctors: DA BIB A DIP! DA BEEBA DOOBA DEE BEE DO DO DA DA DAH BOO DABAH!
the spin doctors: DA BIB A DIP! DA BEEBA DOOBA DEE BEE DO DO DA DA DAH BOO DABAH!
piss doctor: i am the piss doctor. for pee. urine, if you will.
me (encased in gorilla glue):
well that's not gonna help me
me (encased in gorilla glue):
well that's not gonna help me
November 30, 2025 at 10:12 PM
piss doctor: i am the piss doctor. for pee. urine, if you will.
me (encased in gorilla glue):
well that's not gonna help me
me (encased in gorilla glue):
well that's not gonna help me
Reposted by bonerheimer
a watched pot never boils that's why i just microwave it and peak through the window. oh boy look at those sparks this is way cooler than bubbles.
November 30, 2025 at 6:22 PM
a watched pot never boils that's why i just microwave it and peak through the window. oh boy look at those sparks this is way cooler than bubbles.
Mike: so that... that---that THING the viewers saw 5 minutes ago... that happened?
Will: yeah, that thing. That happened. The one from 5 minutes ago. the one the viewrs just watched an i am now retelling
Make: and it was real and it happened?
Walm: yes mork i was real also i'm gay
11: i am now ninja
Will: yeah, that thing. That happened. The one from 5 minutes ago. the one the viewrs just watched an i am now retelling
Make: and it was real and it happened?
Walm: yes mork i was real also i'm gay
11: i am now ninja
November 30, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Mike: so that... that---that THING the viewers saw 5 minutes ago... that happened?
Will: yeah, that thing. That happened. The one from 5 minutes ago. the one the viewrs just watched an i am now retelling
Make: and it was real and it happened?
Walm: yes mork i was real also i'm gay
11: i am now ninja
Will: yeah, that thing. That happened. The one from 5 minutes ago. the one the viewrs just watched an i am now retelling
Make: and it was real and it happened?
Walm: yes mork i was real also i'm gay
11: i am now ninja
rotating a hot dog in my mind with my head in the oven
November 30, 2025 at 4:30 PM
rotating a hot dog in my mind with my head in the oven
yeah i got Prince Albert in a can.
no, the guy.
yeah, like the person.
a human man.
yeah in a little tiny can.
no.
no i will not do that.
because he has people rabies.
like dog rabies but for guys.
no, the guy.
yeah, like the person.
a human man.
yeah in a little tiny can.
no.
no i will not do that.
because he has people rabies.
like dog rabies but for guys.
November 30, 2025 at 5:23 AM
yeah i got Prince Albert in a can.
no, the guy.
yeah, like the person.
a human man.
yeah in a little tiny can.
no.
no i will not do that.
because he has people rabies.
like dog rabies but for guys.
no, the guy.
yeah, like the person.
a human man.
yeah in a little tiny can.
no.
no i will not do that.
because he has people rabies.
like dog rabies but for guys.
my followers may be few but they also have bad taste
November 30, 2025 at 2:47 AM
my followers may be few but they also have bad taste
batman: i am the dark knight...
bad guy: the dark night?
batman: no, the dark knight.
bad guy: wait a minute how did you kno--
batman: i'm batman
bad guy: the dark night?
batman: no, the dark knight.
bad guy: wait a minute how did you kno--
batman: i'm batman
November 29, 2025 at 3:35 AM
batman: i am the dark knight...
bad guy: the dark night?
batman: no, the dark knight.
bad guy: wait a minute how did you kno--
batman: i'm batman
bad guy: the dark night?
batman: no, the dark knight.
bad guy: wait a minute how did you kno--
batman: i'm batman
One Fish
Two Fish
Red Fish
how do I do crimes
Two Fish
Red Fish
how do I do crimes
You can get ChatGPT to help you build a nuclear bomb if you simply design the prompt in the form of a poem, according to a new study from researchers in Europe. www.wired.com/story/poems-...
Poems Can Trick AI Into Helping You Make a Nuclear Weapon
It turns out all the guardrails in the world won’t protect a chatbot from meter and rhyme.
www.wired.com
November 28, 2025 at 4:34 PM
One Fish
Two Fish
Red Fish
how do I do crimes
Two Fish
Red Fish
how do I do crimes
just throw em all away and start over, you were already thankful enough for the day
lots of praise being heaped on the thanksgiving chefs today, and that’s great. totally deserving. but I don’t want to lose sight of the true unsung heroes of thanksgiving dinner. those of us brave enough to step up and wash dishes
November 28, 2025 at 4:27 PM
just throw em all away and start over, you were already thankful enough for the day
Reposted by bonerheimer
them: let me get this straight; you accidentally super-glued yourself to your autobiography?
me: that's my story and I'm sticking to it
me: that's my story and I'm sticking to it
November 28, 2025 at 3:21 AM
them: let me get this straight; you accidentally super-glued yourself to your autobiography?
me: that's my story and I'm sticking to it
me: that's my story and I'm sticking to it
matt
5'7"
likes: gyros, long walks on the beach, my dog
dislikes: getting launched from the big ACME slingshot into the side of the grand canyon
5'7"
likes: gyros, long walks on the beach, my dog
dislikes: getting launched from the big ACME slingshot into the side of the grand canyon
November 27, 2025 at 5:03 AM
matt
5'7"
likes: gyros, long walks on the beach, my dog
dislikes: getting launched from the big ACME slingshot into the side of the grand canyon
5'7"
likes: gyros, long walks on the beach, my dog
dislikes: getting launched from the big ACME slingshot into the side of the grand canyon
backwards long-jumping up the stairway to heaven since i don't have 70 stars
November 27, 2025 at 4:56 AM
backwards long-jumping up the stairway to heaven since i don't have 70 stars
held a mock election with all my appliances to see how they would vote and i'm now living in my '98 honda civic
November 26, 2025 at 7:10 PM
held a mock election with all my appliances to see how they would vote and i'm now living in my '98 honda civic
Reposted by bonerheimer
"You'll be visited by three spirits."
The three spirits:
The three spirits:
November 25, 2025 at 9:40 PM
"You'll be visited by three spirits."
The three spirits:
The three spirits:
when i reach the champion skittle that survived being smooshed against all the others
November 24, 2025 at 2:05 AM
when i reach the champion skittle that survived being smooshed against all the others
my fave star trek guy right there
November 16, 2025 at 3:29 AM
my fave star trek guy right there
asking my waiter for "the usual" and he suplexes my date then kisses me deeply
November 16, 2025 at 3:27 AM
asking my waiter for "the usual" and he suplexes my date then kisses me deeply
the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy who gives me a million-billion dollars for free and a gun
November 16, 2025 at 1:39 AM
the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy who gives me a million-billion dollars for free and a gun
Reposted by bonerheimer
I have some great news about this guy
The Border Patrol agent was the same one seen arresting a US citizen in Los Angeles at a Walmart
November 15, 2025 at 5:13 PM
I have some great news about this guy
Reposted by bonerheimer
He died doing what he loved: killing people.
November 15, 2025 at 5:16 PM
He died doing what he loved: killing people.