Andre the Viking
@andre-the-viking.bsky.social
I have joined this app to use it as a platform to apologise for the behaviour of my Viking ancestors towards the good people of Northumbria in 865AD.
Pinned
I built an electric fence around our house. My neighbour’s dead against it.
Reposted by Andre the Viking
I’ve opened my daughters’ advent calendar. I’m going to be in a lot of trouble. I should probably go and wake her now and tell her the truth about Father Christmas. It’ll help take the edge of the whole ‘chocolate’ thing, in the morning. Parenting is tough.
November 24, 2025 at 11:39 PM
I’ve opened my daughters’ advent calendar. I’m going to be in a lot of trouble. I should probably go and wake her now and tell her the truth about Father Christmas. It’ll help take the edge of the whole ‘chocolate’ thing, in the morning. Parenting is tough.
“I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Boarded replacement bus services, driven by a Ryan.
I watched vomit glitter in the dark… near Notting Hill Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. When I commute.”
#Bladecommuter
Boarded replacement bus services, driven by a Ryan.
I watched vomit glitter in the dark… near Notting Hill Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. When I commute.”
#Bladecommuter
November 18, 2025 at 8:59 PM
“I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Boarded replacement bus services, driven by a Ryan.
I watched vomit glitter in the dark… near Notting Hill Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. When I commute.”
#Bladecommuter
Boarded replacement bus services, driven by a Ryan.
I watched vomit glitter in the dark… near Notting Hill Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. When I commute.”
#Bladecommuter
I have a spring in my step, this morning. Because my watch exploded.
November 18, 2025 at 9:53 AM
I have a spring in my step, this morning. Because my watch exploded.
Show of hands from everyone who clicked on the ‘reveal’ link without a moment’s hesitation… you saucy little minxes!
November 14, 2025 at 10:09 PM
Show of hands from everyone who clicked on the ‘reveal’ link without a moment’s hesitation… you saucy little minxes!
Wish I knew how to access this.
November 14, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Wish I knew how to access this.
Pleased to announce that my new book “Where There’s Muck, There’s Brass - An Investigation Into The Use of French Horns in Pornography” will be available in hardback from all reputable booksellers this Monday!
November 14, 2025 at 10:04 PM
Pleased to announce that my new book “Where There’s Muck, There’s Brass - An Investigation Into The Use of French Horns in Pornography” will be available in hardback from all reputable booksellers this Monday!
Reposted by Andre the Viking
Happy Partially Muscled Skeleton Standing By The Perimeter Fence And Screaming For Thirty Seconds Before Vanishing Day today all who celebrate
November 14, 2025 at 5:16 PM
Happy Partially Muscled Skeleton Standing By The Perimeter Fence And Screaming For Thirty Seconds Before Vanishing Day today all who celebrate
I couldn’t resist adding a bit of Warhol
November 14, 2025 at 6:52 PM
I couldn’t resist adding a bit of Warhol
Until I was 6 I would say ‘Par Cark’ not ‘car park’. I’m probably not getting into Valhalla.
November 1, 2025 at 2:42 AM
Until I was 6 I would say ‘Par Cark’ not ‘car park’. I’m probably not getting into Valhalla.
Since I joined Bluesky I feel I’ve been lacking in my duty to promote the beauty of my homeland, Norway. It is a truly majestic country and tourists are always welcome.
October 18, 2025 at 8:52 PM
Since I joined Bluesky I feel I’ve been lacking in my duty to promote the beauty of my homeland, Norway. It is a truly majestic country and tourists are always welcome.
Reposted by Andre the Viking
My favourite moment in science is when Italian scientists at CERN used the LHC to collide two buffet trolleys and discovered antipasti.
May 28, 2025 at 9:46 PM
My favourite moment in science is when Italian scientists at CERN used the LHC to collide two buffet trolleys and discovered antipasti.
Throwback to when my mum began the menopause.
October 18, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Throwback to when my mum began the menopause.
Great to hear they are touring again 🎶 That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat
I really love your tiger feet, I really love your #tigerfeet🎶
I really love your tiger feet, I really love your #tigerfeet🎶
September 29, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Great to hear they are touring again 🎶 That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat
I really love your tiger feet, I really love your #tigerfeet🎶
I really love your tiger feet, I really love your #tigerfeet🎶
It was the first holiday I ever had, as a young Viking from the fjørds. I’d draw shapes on my little brother’s bedroom floor with orange juice so every morning he’d wake up to shapes of ants across his floor. He cried at the time but to this day he knows the difference between a square and a circle
September 26, 2025 at 5:46 PM
It was the first holiday I ever had, as a young Viking from the fjørds. I’d draw shapes on my little brother’s bedroom floor with orange juice so every morning he’d wake up to shapes of ants across his floor. He cried at the time but to this day he knows the difference between a square and a circle
My wife is in Sardinia and I’m fine about it.
September 26, 2025 at 5:41 PM
My wife is in Sardinia and I’m fine about it.
Reposted by Andre the Viking
In these challenging times someone might need one of them:
Childline: 0800 1111
Samaritans: 116 123
Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247
Mind: 0300 123 3393
Age UK: 0800 169 6565
Alcoholics Anonymous : 0800 9177 650
Cruse Bereavement Care: 0808 808 1677
MH text support: 85258
Childline: 0800 1111
Samaritans: 116 123
Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247
Mind: 0300 123 3393
Age UK: 0800 169 6565
Alcoholics Anonymous : 0800 9177 650
Cruse Bereavement Care: 0808 808 1677
MH text support: 85258
September 16, 2025 at 5:19 PM
In these challenging times someone might need one of them:
Childline: 0800 1111
Samaritans: 116 123
Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247
Mind: 0300 123 3393
Age UK: 0800 169 6565
Alcoholics Anonymous : 0800 9177 650
Cruse Bereavement Care: 0808 808 1677
MH text support: 85258
Childline: 0800 1111
Samaritans: 116 123
Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247
Mind: 0300 123 3393
Age UK: 0800 169 6565
Alcoholics Anonymous : 0800 9177 650
Cruse Bereavement Care: 0808 808 1677
MH text support: 85258
Asparagus, Croquette potatoes, Bearnaise sauce, steak and a Mars bar. Pretty sure all the food groups are represented.
September 12, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Asparagus, Croquette potatoes, Bearnaise sauce, steak and a Mars bar. Pretty sure all the food groups are represented.
Reposted by Andre the Viking
I hate doing posts like this, but I’m legitimately struggling right now.
I’m genuinely kinda cooked right now.
Just got back from a con that was a massive money pit resulting in a huge loss. AND I’ve got a car issue that’s needs fixing immediately. Annoyingly, I need my car for work 🙃
Let me draw you really cool things for you. DM if interested
Just got back from a con that was a massive money pit resulting in a huge loss. AND I’ve got a car issue that’s needs fixing immediately. Annoyingly, I need my car for work 🙃
Let me draw you really cool things for you. DM if interested
September 10, 2025 at 4:10 PM
I hate doing posts like this, but I’m legitimately struggling right now.
Slightly diminish a book.
The Wolf of Wall’s Sausages
The Wolf of Wall’s Sausages
Slightly diminish a book.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Ford Galaxies.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Ford Galaxies.
Slightly diminish a book.
The DaVinci QR Code.
The DaVinci QR Code.
September 8, 2025 at 11:46 AM
Slightly diminish a book.
The Wolf of Wall’s Sausages
The Wolf of Wall’s Sausages
Oh for Christ’s sake!
September 7, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Oh for Christ’s sake!
Now I lay me down to bed.
Darkness won’t engulf my head.
I can see by infrared.
I just can’t sleep at night.
Darkness won’t engulf my head.
I can see by infrared.
I just can’t sleep at night.
September 7, 2025 at 12:54 AM
Now I lay me down to bed.
Darkness won’t engulf my head.
I can see by infrared.
I just can’t sleep at night.
Darkness won’t engulf my head.
I can see by infrared.
I just can’t sleep at night.