ghost of my former self
@alienschoolyard.bsky.social
nothing special
Pinned
when I was a little girl, everybody said I couldn't be the pope. but here I am, wearing a dope as fuck hat judging the shit of everybody
when God closes a door he opens a window. "thank you, God", you say. "lmao JUMP" God replies
August 18, 2025 at 4:20 AM
when God closes a door he opens a window. "thank you, God", you say. "lmao JUMP" God replies
[immediately upon waking on any given day] fuuuuucckkk
August 11, 2025 at 2:40 PM
[immediately upon waking on any given day] fuuuuucckkk
[dating Norman Bates] ok yeah, he does have his mom frozen In the basement, and sure he did a few murders but he's like reeaally niiiice
August 9, 2025 at 7:57 PM
[dating Norman Bates] ok yeah, he does have his mom frozen In the basement, and sure he did a few murders but he's like reeaally niiiice
[at funeral] don't think of it as a loss! think of it as a "funertunity"! there's room in the grave for at least 5 more people! quick! hop in!
August 7, 2025 at 6:26 PM
[at funeral] don't think of it as a loss! think of it as a "funertunity"! there's room in the grave for at least 5 more people! quick! hop in!
Reposted by ghost of my former self
Multicellular life was a mistake. Take me to my prokaryote era please.
August 6, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Multicellular life was a mistake. Take me to my prokaryote era please.
I refuse to believe that any of this is real. We all died like 10 years ago and this is some sort of simulation. That's the best I've got.
August 6, 2025 at 10:29 PM
I refuse to believe that any of this is real. We all died like 10 years ago and this is some sort of simulation. That's the best I've got.
[gesturing towards everything] this is my suicide note
August 6, 2025 at 12:57 PM
[gesturing towards everything] this is my suicide note
Reposted by ghost of my former self
Heartfelt Apology Robs Man Of Cherished Grudge theonion.com/heartfe...
August 4, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Heartfelt Apology Robs Man Of Cherished Grudge theonion.com/heartfe...
we are not a country. we're a travesty
August 4, 2025 at 11:23 PM
we are not a country. we're a travesty
Reposted by ghost of my former self
Reposted by ghost of my former self
If your forest isn't enchanted, go fuck yourself
July 31, 2025 at 5:35 AM
If your forest isn't enchanted, go fuck yourself
periodic reminder that Trump raped a 13-year-old
July 30, 2025 at 11:41 PM
periodic reminder that Trump raped a 13-year-old
look at this dog cow I met today
July 28, 2025 at 8:35 PM
look at this dog cow I met today
thinking of fucking around and living the rest of my life as Cliff Clavin. just enter a room, say some real dumb shit random fact, and wonder off with a beer. why not
July 27, 2025 at 1:57 AM
thinking of fucking around and living the rest of my life as Cliff Clavin. just enter a room, say some real dumb shit random fact, and wonder off with a beer. why not
Reposted by ghost of my former self
me: (to the cats) i love each of you so, so much
the cats: (lazily from sunny window) we are going to unionize against you
the cats: (lazily from sunny window) we are going to unionize against you
July 24, 2025 at 6:59 PM
me: (to the cats) i love each of you so, so much
the cats: (lazily from sunny window) we are going to unionize against you
the cats: (lazily from sunny window) we are going to unionize against you
Excellent job, Paramount. Canceling Colbert and giving South Park 1.5 billion was clearly the best move in protecting Trump's fragile man baby fee-fees. Our dear leader is protected, and I for one applaud the decision.
July 26, 2025 at 2:16 PM
Excellent job, Paramount. Canceling Colbert and giving South Park 1.5 billion was clearly the best move in protecting Trump's fragile man baby fee-fees. Our dear leader is protected, and I for one applaud the decision.
probably the best part about having four cats is having four cats ignore you when you call your four cats
July 24, 2025 at 6:54 PM
probably the best part about having four cats is having four cats ignore you when you call your four cats
look, it's very simple. in America, rich criminals become president, poor criminals go to jail. hope that clears things up
July 23, 2025 at 9:40 PM
look, it's very simple. in America, rich criminals become president, poor criminals go to jail. hope that clears things up
Reposted by ghost of my former self
Reposted by ghost of my former self
Hulk Hogan came to my birthday party when I was 8 and got so drunk he puked in our koi pond
July 18, 2025 at 2:45 PM
Hulk Hogan came to my birthday party when I was 8 and got so drunk he puked in our koi pond
I met Luke Skywalker, Mark Hamill in New York when I was 14, and he told me I was "too pale" to be from Florida.
July 18, 2025 at 2:58 PM
I met Luke Skywalker, Mark Hamill in New York when I was 14, and he told me I was "too pale" to be from Florida.
just found your plan B. youre welcome
July 14, 2025 at 10:14 PM
just found your plan B. youre welcome
"I for one am shocked, absolutely shocked this very normal human could not be trusted."
-MAGA
-MAGA
July 13, 2025 at 7:41 PM
"I for one am shocked, absolutely shocked this very normal human could not be trusted."
-MAGA
-MAGA