elyse
@twisby.bsky.social
becoming ungovernable in Durham, NC
where we love our neighbors and hate ICE
where we love our neighbors and hate ICE
My kids' new favorite game is to pretend they are newborn kittens and I am a kitten-eating robot from outer space who hunts them down to eat them but occasionally loses power and needs to be punched in the nose to resume felicidal function. Just a normal, loving family activity.
December 2, 2025 at 6:34 PM
My kids' new favorite game is to pretend they are newborn kittens and I am a kitten-eating robot from outer space who hunts them down to eat them but occasionally loses power and needs to be punched in the nose to resume felicidal function. Just a normal, loving family activity.
Every reel directed at me on every platform: (smug AF) If you're in perimenopause and keep waking up at night...
Me: (parenting two kids under 5) 🙄
Me: (parenting two kids under 5) 🙄
December 1, 2025 at 2:26 PM
Every reel directed at me on every platform: (smug AF) If you're in perimenopause and keep waking up at night...
Me: (parenting two kids under 5) 🙄
Me: (parenting two kids under 5) 🙄
Reposted by elyse
Hey ICE, NC is ready for you assholes. We're even more organized than a few weeks ago. Come try us.
December 1, 2025 at 2:57 AM
Hey ICE, NC is ready for you assholes. We're even more organized than a few weeks ago. Come try us.
My son has been pretending a lumbar pillow is his horse and I just overheard him announce “Now it’s your turn to ride ME!” I can’t decide if it’s really nice of him to make taking turns part of his imaginary play or if we need to learn more about horsemanship.
December 1, 2025 at 1:14 AM
My son has been pretending a lumbar pillow is his horse and I just overheard him announce “Now it’s your turn to ride ME!” I can’t decide if it’s really nice of him to make taking turns part of his imaginary play or if we need to learn more about horsemanship.
Sometimes I remember that I have never seen Good Will Hunting.
November 30, 2025 at 7:22 PM
Sometimes I remember that I have never seen Good Will Hunting.
Kids were so out of control yesterday that we took them on a "field trip" to a Falls Lake beach. It was 37 degrees and windy. They are TIRED. We saw two bald eagles! (full disclosure, the second was in the grocery store parking lot after we got home. Still cool, but not as majestic.)
November 28, 2025 at 6:51 PM
Kids were so out of control yesterday that we took them on a "field trip" to a Falls Lake beach. It was 37 degrees and windy. They are TIRED. We saw two bald eagles! (full disclosure, the second was in the grocery store parking lot after we got home. Still cool, but not as majestic.)
We ran out of aluminum foil and now I have to cover all the leftovers with fucking Saran Wrap which I hate with the fire of a thousand suns. Unpleasant to touch, frustrating to use, and almost totally ineffective. Its continued production is proof to me that the free market is broken.
November 28, 2025 at 1:06 AM
We ran out of aluminum foil and now I have to cover all the leftovers with fucking Saran Wrap which I hate with the fire of a thousand suns. Unpleasant to touch, frustrating to use, and almost totally ineffective. Its continued production is proof to me that the free market is broken.
When grandparents see my kids acting absolutely out of control and tell me trite BS like “the days are long but the years are short” all I hear is “I need to convince myself it’s OK for me to enjoy your kids to the extent convenient to me without ever offering you support or empathy.”
November 28, 2025 at 12:52 AM
When grandparents see my kids acting absolutely out of control and tell me trite BS like “the days are long but the years are short” all I hear is “I need to convince myself it’s OK for me to enjoy your kids to the extent convenient to me without ever offering you support or empathy.”
Reposted by elyse
the best way to deal with conservative family members on Thanksgiving is to spend the day somewhere else with people you like
November 27, 2024 at 4:08 PM
the best way to deal with conservative family members on Thanksgiving is to spend the day somewhere else with people you like
This morning I jokingly told my kids that if they didn't get ready for school on time, I'd make them come to work with me and edit documents. This prompted 2yo start crying and telling me repeatedly "I want to come edit the documents" and all I could say was "I hear you, but trust me, you do not."
November 24, 2025 at 4:12 PM
This morning I jokingly told my kids that if they didn't get ready for school on time, I'd make them come to work with me and edit documents. This prompted 2yo start crying and telling me repeatedly "I want to come edit the documents" and all I could say was "I hear you, but trust me, you do not."
Me: Boys, we can’t play football in the house. There’s a whole episode of the Brady bunch about this.
W (robot voice): That episode makes us want to play more.
W (robot voice): That episode makes us want to play more.
November 22, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Me: Boys, we can’t play football in the house. There’s a whole episode of the Brady bunch about this.
W (robot voice): That episode makes us want to play more.
W (robot voice): That episode makes us want to play more.
Nothing brings you and your spouse together like unloading a 260 pound, 8 foot long package onto a wheelbarrow in the dark and sliding it into your house on top of a bunch of old towels. Who needs dollies? We’ve got moxie.
November 20, 2025 at 4:04 PM
Nothing brings you and your spouse together like unloading a 260 pound, 8 foot long package onto a wheelbarrow in the dark and sliding it into your house on top of a bunch of old towels. Who needs dollies? We’ve got moxie.
Reposted by elyse
Three blocks from my house. Hell yes Durham North Carolina
November 20, 2025 at 2:24 PM
Three blocks from my house. Hell yes Durham North Carolina
It's very dystopian to get an email from our daycare reassuring us that they already have a plan in place for an ICE raid that is identical to the ones they practice for violent intruders and tornadoes. The scariest situation my kids are likely to experience is an interaction with the US government.
November 18, 2025 at 5:44 PM
It's very dystopian to get an email from our daycare reassuring us that they already have a plan in place for an ICE raid that is identical to the ones they practice for violent intruders and tornadoes. The scariest situation my kids are likely to experience is an interaction with the US government.
My most feral child gets these absurdly glowing reports from school. "So gentle with friends" "Always happy" "So observant" This child? The one who spent the weekend throwing silverware, screaming ARRIBA ARRIBA as he raced around the house, & cackling as he sank his teeth into my thigh?
November 18, 2025 at 2:22 AM
My most feral child gets these absurdly glowing reports from school. "So gentle with friends" "Always happy" "So observant" This child? The one who spent the weekend throwing silverware, screaming ARRIBA ARRIBA as he raced around the house, & cackling as he sank his teeth into my thigh?
My 2yo is currently narrating in the third person as he throws toys all over the bedroom. “Look what Zaza do!”
November 16, 2025 at 1:33 PM
My 2yo is currently narrating in the third person as he throws toys all over the bedroom. “Look what Zaza do!”
My (almost)5yo told me he was making a list of kids at school who don’t listen to him (he’s not exactly bossy, just inflexible) and I was asking questions like who is on the list, so they know they are on it, etc. Finally he looked at me and said: “There is no list. I don’t know how to write.”
November 11, 2025 at 12:20 PM
My (almost)5yo told me he was making a list of kids at school who don’t listen to him (he’s not exactly bossy, just inflexible) and I was asking questions like who is on the list, so they know they are on it, etc. Finally he looked at me and said: “There is no list. I don’t know how to write.”
Reposted by elyse
lol she got his ass and he knows it
November 9, 2025 at 3:36 PM
lol she got his ass and he knows it
I have lived 1 mile from Ollie's for almost 8 years and I went for the first time today... oh my lord, what a treasure. I have been missing out. But they didn't have the big, plastic playground balls that my toddler is currently obsessed with at daycare. Where can I find some??? #durham
November 8, 2025 at 5:41 PM
I have lived 1 mile from Ollie's for almost 8 years and I went for the first time today... oh my lord, what a treasure. I have been missing out. But they didn't have the big, plastic playground balls that my toddler is currently obsessed with at daycare. Where can I find some??? #durham
WHAT!? There is a 95% chance this will be delightful.
The first contemporary Agatha Christie English-speaking TV series is being shot in the U.K. Over a hundred years since they first appeared in a Christie novel, Tommy and Tuppence have been modernized.
On the set of the first Agatha Christie show where mysteries are solved with the internet
The first contemporary Agatha Christie English-speaking TV series is being shot in the U.K. Over a hundred years since they first appeared in a Christie novel, Tommy and Tuppence have been modernized.
bit.ly
November 6, 2025 at 11:45 PM
WHAT!? There is a 95% chance this will be delightful.
Durham's municipal election today is the 1st time I've ever voted without liking a single candidate on the ballot. It was a chaos ballot for me, where my entire motivation for voting was to oppose the PAC that supports our current mayor, who (IMO) sucks a little bit. But they all suck. So, whatever.
November 4, 2025 at 4:17 PM
Durham's municipal election today is the 1st time I've ever voted without liking a single candidate on the ballot. It was a chaos ballot for me, where my entire motivation for voting was to oppose the PAC that supports our current mayor, who (IMO) sucks a little bit. But they all suck. So, whatever.
I think the highlight of Halloween this year was when I told my 2yo “no more candy” and took the bag of gummy worms out of his hand, only for him to return with 2 dollar bills, which he shoved in my hands as he snatched the candy from my pocket and ran away with it. This kid is going places.
November 2, 2025 at 2:12 AM
I think the highlight of Halloween this year was when I told my 2yo “no more candy” and took the bag of gummy worms out of his hand, only for him to return with 2 dollar bills, which he shoved in my hands as he snatched the candy from my pocket and ran away with it. This kid is going places.
YouTube is putting ICE ads in the kid videos my sons watch on Saturday mornings. Building Thomas the Tank engine train sets spliced with ICE. Demented.
November 1, 2025 at 12:40 PM
YouTube is putting ICE ads in the kid videos my sons watch on Saturday mornings. Building Thomas the Tank engine train sets spliced with ICE. Demented.
If Facebook's algorithm is so smart, why is it repeatedly suggesting I add my asshole ex's wife as a friend when every "friend" we have in common is someone I've blocked? This might be the final straw for me to quit Facebook, honestly.
October 31, 2025 at 6:23 PM
If Facebook's algorithm is so smart, why is it repeatedly suggesting I add my asshole ex's wife as a friend when every "friend" we have in common is someone I've blocked? This might be the final straw for me to quit Facebook, honestly.
Happy World Lemur Day to the real ones. The lemurs, I mean. Nobody else matters today.
October 31, 2025 at 6:19 PM
Happy World Lemur Day to the real ones. The lemurs, I mean. Nobody else matters today.