Sparker (Ask me How!!)
@sparkerpants.bsky.social
ATX. Large dog enthusiast. Writer.
Make an assessment.
Make an assessment.
Pinned
Pizza Hut Hot Dog Bites Pizza (2008-2016): A special pizza crust, either traditional or pretzel,featuring mini hot dogs around the edge that could be pulled off the pie and eaten like "pigs-in-a-blanket." Originally a Japan-only release, it came to the US in 2015, & lasted 1 year
This feels like it should be on the American flag
I love ordering salads for lunch so I can pretend I’m a goat chewing on the giant leaves the restaurants never cut down to dissociate at my desk
November 12, 2025 at 6:14 PM
I love ordering salads for lunch so I can pretend I’m a goat chewing on the giant leaves the restaurants never cut down to dissociate at my desk
Spent my extra hour luxuriating in bed, spooning my human-sized dog. Then I made pumpkin pancakes with cinnamon sugar apples; next we will go for a walk. I will claw small joys out of this cursed timeline until I am dust !!
November 2, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Spent my extra hour luxuriating in bed, spooning my human-sized dog. Then I made pumpkin pancakes with cinnamon sugar apples; next we will go for a walk. I will claw small joys out of this cursed timeline until I am dust !!
Reposted by Sparker (Ask me How!!)
Everybody thinks they want a weird girl until she starts doing weird girl shit
October 31, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Everybody thinks they want a weird girl until she starts doing weird girl shit
Reposted by Sparker (Ask me How!!)
CHOTINER: So you asked for a Birkin bag?
KOKO: Yes. Possession Bag.
CHOTINER: And you had the funds to acquire this?
KOKO: No, Professor Purchase Koko Gorilla
CHOTINER: That doesn't sound like the funds were justifiable.
KOKO: Hostility Interviewer
KOKO: Yes. Possession Bag.
CHOTINER: And you had the funds to acquire this?
KOKO: No, Professor Purchase Koko Gorilla
CHOTINER: That doesn't sound like the funds were justifiable.
KOKO: Hostility Interviewer
October 28, 2025 at 4:09 PM
CHOTINER: So you asked for a Birkin bag?
KOKO: Yes. Possession Bag.
CHOTINER: And you had the funds to acquire this?
KOKO: No, Professor Purchase Koko Gorilla
CHOTINER: That doesn't sound like the funds were justifiable.
KOKO: Hostility Interviewer
KOKO: Yes. Possession Bag.
CHOTINER: And you had the funds to acquire this?
KOKO: No, Professor Purchase Koko Gorilla
CHOTINER: That doesn't sound like the funds were justifiable.
KOKO: Hostility Interviewer
Reposted by Sparker (Ask me How!!)
Guillermo del Toro on wealth: "a wealthy man is a man who has enough, not a man that needs more. If you have enough to invite someone for a beer? You're rich. If you have a yacht, planes, islands, and you still need more? You're not rich."
October 27, 2025 at 1:37 AM
Guillermo del Toro on wealth: "a wealthy man is a man who has enough, not a man that needs more. If you have enough to invite someone for a beer? You're rich. If you have a yacht, planes, islands, and you still need more? You're not rich."
Eating a $10 “superfood brownie” for dinner at 5:30pm because nothing matters !!!
October 20, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Eating a $10 “superfood brownie” for dinner at 5:30pm because nothing matters !!!
Reposted by Sparker (Ask me How!!)
people playing music/videos on their phone speakers in public is more than just mildly annoying and is instead a leading indicator of the decline of community and empath
Do you have any extremely niche, but serious, ethical stances?
October 19, 2025 at 8:54 PM
people playing music/videos on their phone speakers in public is more than just mildly annoying and is instead a leading indicator of the decline of community and empath
I am begging event organizers, in the year of Our Dark Lord Satan 2025, to understand that people have dietary restrictions
October 17, 2025 at 5:55 PM
I am begging event organizers, in the year of Our Dark Lord Satan 2025, to understand that people have dietary restrictions
I was out front building my giant dog skeleton and a neighbor walked by and quizzed himself on the names of my 12’ skeleton, skeleton dog, and porch goose
Do I remember that man’s name? No
Do I remember that man’s name? No
October 14, 2025 at 2:17 AM
I was out front building my giant dog skeleton and a neighbor walked by and quizzed himself on the names of my 12’ skeleton, skeleton dog, and porch goose
Do I remember that man’s name? No
Do I remember that man’s name? No
Had 20oz of cold brew at 1pm I am going to vibrate my way through this to-do list
October 8, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Had 20oz of cold brew at 1pm I am going to vibrate my way through this to-do list
I know it’s going to be a great episode of If Books Could Kill when I’m immediately fact checking “hog cholera”
Cc: @michaelhobbes.bsky.social
Cc: @michaelhobbes.bsky.social
October 2, 2025 at 1:18 PM
I know it’s going to be a great episode of If Books Could Kill when I’m immediately fact checking “hog cholera”
Cc: @michaelhobbes.bsky.social
Cc: @michaelhobbes.bsky.social
Reposted by Sparker (Ask me How!!)
"If we lose hope, we're doomed."
We must continue Dr. Jane Goodall's mission and all fight for the future of the planet.
We must continue Dr. Jane Goodall's mission and all fight for the future of the planet.
October 1, 2025 at 7:31 PM
"If we lose hope, we're doomed."
We must continue Dr. Jane Goodall's mission and all fight for the future of the planet.
We must continue Dr. Jane Goodall's mission and all fight for the future of the planet.
The world lost one of its brightest lights today. May we not ignore what her gifts taught us — most of all, hope ❤️
Beyond grateful @sparkerpants.bsky.social and I got to see one of her last talks, in Austin September 16th
October 1, 2025 at 6:57 PM
The world lost one of its brightest lights today. May we not ignore what her gifts taught us — most of all, hope ❤️
You know your 40th birthday is coming up when you start getting ads on social media for fiber gummies
September 25, 2025 at 2:11 PM
You know your 40th birthday is coming up when you start getting ads on social media for fiber gummies
We used to be a proper country
![Screenshot of the horrible bullshit evolution of the chain email “curses” we used to post on FB 20(!) years ago. Repost or in 7 days you’ll die!!!
Transcript of the horrors:
YOU'VE BEEN HIT BY THE
|^^^^^^^^^^^^|
|BEAUTIFUL truck | '|""";.., ___.
|_..._...______===|= _|__|..., ] |
"(@ )'(@ )""""*|(@ )(@ )*****(@
ONCE YOU'VE BEEN HIT, YOU HAVE TO HIT 8 Beautiful People IF YOU GET HIT AGAIN YOU'LL KNOW YOU'RE REALLY BEAUTIFUL! IF YOU BRAKE THE CHAIN, YOU'LL BE CURSED WITH UGLYNESS FOR 10 YEARS SO PASS IT HIT WHO EVER YOU THINK IS BEAUTIFUL.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:tcrxpwbrsmrnxpbzcg4kigm6/bafkreigloxnrggtr6cwaeb2obkmk3mpou5ovt26ip7qa4rvzmde5a5ksba@jpeg)
September 24, 2025 at 1:34 PM
We used to be a proper country
Love 2 hear from my old pal Spam Risk so frequently
September 23, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Love 2 hear from my old pal Spam Risk so frequently
Reposted by Sparker (Ask me How!!)
I imagine that it gave Charlie Kirk great pleasure to die as a martyr to the god of death he worshipped. I wish instead he could have died another way: of old age, peacefully, in a country where all his work had come to nothing, and he himself completely forgotten.
September 10, 2025 at 9:22 PM
I imagine that it gave Charlie Kirk great pleasure to die as a martyr to the god of death he worshipped. I wish instead he could have died another way: of old age, peacefully, in a country where all his work had come to nothing, and he himself completely forgotten.
Reposted by Sparker (Ask me How!!)
I want everyone, even those who I despise, to have healthcare. I want everyone, even republicans, to be able to afford food and housing. I want everyone, even those on the right who actively work to build the opposite, to live in a place that is safe from violence.
September 10, 2025 at 8:14 PM
I want everyone, even those who I despise, to have healthcare. I want everyone, even republicans, to be able to afford food and housing. I want everyone, even those on the right who actively work to build the opposite, to live in a place that is safe from violence.
“You take forever to get ready for bed”
Sir do you even wash your face
Sir do you even wash your face
September 10, 2025 at 3:47 AM
“You take forever to get ready for bed”
Sir do you even wash your face
Sir do you even wash your face
What is happening with the spam texts
September 9, 2025 at 9:59 PM
What is happening with the spam texts
September 9, 2025 at 11:22 AM
Waiting to flush my toilet until the person in the stall next to me answers their loudly ringing phone
September 5, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Waiting to flush my toilet until the person in the stall next to me answers their loudly ringing phone
Sometimes when I’m out and about frantically responding to things on Slack I wonder if this is how the Big Business Boys of the 90s felt on their satellite phones Doing A Business
September 5, 2025 at 12:39 AM
Sometimes when I’m out and about frantically responding to things on Slack I wonder if this is how the Big Business Boys of the 90s felt on their satellite phones Doing A Business
Reposted by Sparker (Ask me How!!)
And yet a trace of the true self resides in the false self
September 1, 2025 at 10:28 PM
And yet a trace of the true self resides in the false self
Reposted by Sparker (Ask me How!!)
Mongers, ranked:
1. Cheese
2. Fish
3. Rumor
4. Iron
5. War
6. Conspiracy
1. Cheese
2. Fish
3. Rumor
4. Iron
5. War
6. Conspiracy
August 30, 2025 at 10:39 PM
Mongers, ranked:
1. Cheese
2. Fish
3. Rumor
4. Iron
5. War
6. Conspiracy
1. Cheese
2. Fish
3. Rumor
4. Iron
5. War
6. Conspiracy