Sparker (Now Festive ✨)
@sparkerpants.bsky.social
ATX. Large dog enthusiast. Writer. Editorial Director.
Make an assessment.
Make an assessment.
Pinned
Pizza Hut Hot Dog Bites Pizza (2008-2016): A special pizza crust, either traditional or pretzel,featuring mini hot dogs around the edge that could be pulled off the pie and eaten like "pigs-in-a-blanket." Originally a Japan-only release, it came to the US in 2015, & lasted 1 year
This feels like it should be on the American flag
Introducing everyone in this meeting to Biscuit Monster, Cookie Monster’s British cousin
January 12, 2026 at 7:50 PM
Introducing everyone in this meeting to Biscuit Monster, Cookie Monster’s British cousin
“Why don’t you want children?”
I had to get up in the middle of the night in January to turn down the AC because the dog was panting so hard it woke me up.
The earth is unwell. (Tell me about it girl).
I had to get up in the middle of the night in January to turn down the AC because the dog was panting so hard it woke me up.
The earth is unwell. (Tell me about it girl).
January 7, 2026 at 12:19 PM
“Why don’t you want children?”
I had to get up in the middle of the night in January to turn down the AC because the dog was panting so hard it woke me up.
The earth is unwell. (Tell me about it girl).
I had to get up in the middle of the night in January to turn down the AC because the dog was panting so hard it woke me up.
The earth is unwell. (Tell me about it girl).
Women’s magazines soon probably:
Cuntiest Work Outfits for the End of the World
Go Day to Night in the Fiery Apocalyptic War of Our Own Making
Sequins Dresses That Catch the Light Dying in his Eyes Just Right
Girlboss Your Way Into — And Back Out of! — His Bunker
Cuntiest Work Outfits for the End of the World
Go Day to Night in the Fiery Apocalyptic War of Our Own Making
Sequins Dresses That Catch the Light Dying in his Eyes Just Right
Girlboss Your Way Into — And Back Out of! — His Bunker
January 6, 2026 at 12:39 PM
Women’s magazines soon probably:
Cuntiest Work Outfits for the End of the World
Go Day to Night in the Fiery Apocalyptic War of Our Own Making
Sequins Dresses That Catch the Light Dying in his Eyes Just Right
Girlboss Your Way Into — And Back Out of! — His Bunker
Cuntiest Work Outfits for the End of the World
Go Day to Night in the Fiery Apocalyptic War of Our Own Making
Sequins Dresses That Catch the Light Dying in his Eyes Just Right
Girlboss Your Way Into — And Back Out of! — His Bunker
Happy Twelfth Night to all who celebrate who’s watching She’s The Man later
January 5, 2026 at 9:56 PM
Happy Twelfth Night to all who celebrate who’s watching She’s The Man later
Found a little pile of random gift cards buried in a pile of Possibly Important Paperwork I Need (?) to Keep so I think a resolution this year should be Gift Card Quest
January 3, 2026 at 5:22 PM
Found a little pile of random gift cards buried in a pile of Possibly Important Paperwork I Need (?) to Keep so I think a resolution this year should be Gift Card Quest
Screaming at the enormous kitten that she is baby new year
January 1, 2026 at 4:59 PM
Screaming at the enormous kitten that she is baby new year
Whenever I hear Connor Robertson in UT games I think of Colin Robinson and how we could really use him in the stadium next to the officials of the opposing team
December 31, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Whenever I hear Connor Robertson in UT games I think of Colin Robinson and how we could really use him in the stadium next to the officials of the opposing team
Nearly crashed my car with no one else on the road this morning hearing “a lot of big claims there about lasers and being so powerful” on NPR about our president who is not actually a 5-year-old
December 23, 2025 at 1:33 PM
Nearly crashed my car with no one else on the road this morning hearing “a lot of big claims there about lasers and being so powerful” on NPR about our president who is not actually a 5-year-old
Merry Christmas Steve to all who celebrate
December 23, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Merry Christmas Steve to all who celebrate
My Instagram algorithm shows me ads for both dating apps and engagement rings girl what do you think my life is
December 23, 2025 at 3:49 AM
My Instagram algorithm shows me ads for both dating apps and engagement rings girl what do you think my life is
THREE COFFEES
NO BREAKFAST
ROAD-TRIPPING TO A FUNERALLLL
NO BREAKFAST
ROAD-TRIPPING TO A FUNERALLLL
December 20, 2025 at 5:06 PM
THREE COFFEES
NO BREAKFAST
ROAD-TRIPPING TO A FUNERALLLL
NO BREAKFAST
ROAD-TRIPPING TO A FUNERALLLL
One day I will remember not to wear red lipstick on a sandwich day but today is not it
December 19, 2025 at 4:35 PM
One day I will remember not to wear red lipstick on a sandwich day but today is not it
Ate 6 falafels for lunch now I am fighting for my life to stay awake
December 10, 2025 at 7:44 PM
Ate 6 falafels for lunch now I am fighting for my life to stay awake
🎶 On the second Monday of December, my true love* gave to me
Gingerbread blondies for breakfast because we're** out of grocerieeeeessss 🎶
*me
**tbf the human-sized dog cannot be trusted to order groceries
Gingerbread blondies for breakfast because we're** out of grocerieeeeessss 🎶
*me
**tbf the human-sized dog cannot be trusted to order groceries
December 8, 2025 at 3:38 PM
🎶 On the second Monday of December, my true love* gave to me
Gingerbread blondies for breakfast because we're** out of grocerieeeeessss 🎶
*me
**tbf the human-sized dog cannot be trusted to order groceries
Gingerbread blondies for breakfast because we're** out of grocerieeeeessss 🎶
*me
**tbf the human-sized dog cannot be trusted to order groceries
Reposted by Sparker (Now Festive ✨)
![[Tumblr] vigilantsycamore
Ebenezer Scrooge: Goes outside
500 Muppets: There goes Mr Asshole! There Goes Mr Bitch!](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:6vxkf3dayl4uyc77vv6deraj/bafkreidpnqgypmc6oppofjfzndjgcuxavuzord76sblkc32n6opdjmyadm@jpeg)
Holiday Captain’s Log, Day 6
Survived planning week at work: ~25hrs of meetings, happy hours, holiday parties and a team offsite
Provisions are running low; crew is forced to put eggnog in the cold brew and eat half-stale bagels smuggled home from the office to survive
Survived planning week at work: ~25hrs of meetings, happy hours, holiday parties and a team offsite
Provisions are running low; crew is forced to put eggnog in the cold brew and eat half-stale bagels smuggled home from the office to survive
December 6, 2025 at 5:25 PM
Holiday Captain’s Log, Day 6
Survived planning week at work: ~25hrs of meetings, happy hours, holiday parties and a team offsite
Provisions are running low; crew is forced to put eggnog in the cold brew and eat half-stale bagels smuggled home from the office to survive
Survived planning week at work: ~25hrs of meetings, happy hours, holiday parties and a team offsite
Provisions are running low; crew is forced to put eggnog in the cold brew and eat half-stale bagels smuggled home from the office to survive
Reposted by Sparker (Now Festive ✨)
Dreamed I got a chastising message at work that said, “You should know the names of all the Muppets,” and someone stuck up for me, saying, “I don’t think this one has a name,” and they attached a picture of like a white Gonzo with no eyes
December 4, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Dreamed I got a chastising message at work that said, “You should know the names of all the Muppets,” and someone stuck up for me, saying, “I don’t think this one has a name,” and they attached a picture of like a white Gonzo with no eyes
Reached my final form as a childless millennial last night buying 60lbs of cat litter on a Black Friday deal
December 1, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Reached my final form as a childless millennial last night buying 60lbs of cat litter on a Black Friday deal
I love ordering salads for lunch so I can pretend I’m a goat chewing on the giant leaves the restaurants never cut down to dissociate at my desk
November 12, 2025 at 6:14 PM
I love ordering salads for lunch so I can pretend I’m a goat chewing on the giant leaves the restaurants never cut down to dissociate at my desk
Spent my extra hour luxuriating in bed, spooning my human-sized dog. Then I made pumpkin pancakes with cinnamon sugar apples; next we will go for a walk. I will claw small joys out of this cursed timeline until I am dust !!
November 2, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Spent my extra hour luxuriating in bed, spooning my human-sized dog. Then I made pumpkin pancakes with cinnamon sugar apples; next we will go for a walk. I will claw small joys out of this cursed timeline until I am dust !!
Reposted by Sparker (Now Festive ✨)
Everybody thinks they want a weird girl until she starts doing weird girl shit
October 31, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Everybody thinks they want a weird girl until she starts doing weird girl shit
Reposted by Sparker (Now Festive ✨)
CHOTINER: So you asked for a Birkin bag?
KOKO: Yes. Possession Bag.
CHOTINER: And you had the funds to acquire this?
KOKO: No, Professor Purchase Koko Gorilla
CHOTINER: That doesn't sound like the funds were justifiable.
KOKO: Hostility Interviewer
KOKO: Yes. Possession Bag.
CHOTINER: And you had the funds to acquire this?
KOKO: No, Professor Purchase Koko Gorilla
CHOTINER: That doesn't sound like the funds were justifiable.
KOKO: Hostility Interviewer
October 28, 2025 at 4:09 PM
CHOTINER: So you asked for a Birkin bag?
KOKO: Yes. Possession Bag.
CHOTINER: And you had the funds to acquire this?
KOKO: No, Professor Purchase Koko Gorilla
CHOTINER: That doesn't sound like the funds were justifiable.
KOKO: Hostility Interviewer
KOKO: Yes. Possession Bag.
CHOTINER: And you had the funds to acquire this?
KOKO: No, Professor Purchase Koko Gorilla
CHOTINER: That doesn't sound like the funds were justifiable.
KOKO: Hostility Interviewer
Reposted by Sparker (Now Festive ✨)
Guillermo del Toro on wealth: "a wealthy man is a man who has enough, not a man that needs more. If you have enough to invite someone for a beer? You're rich. If you have a yacht, planes, islands, and you still need more? You're not rich."
October 27, 2025 at 1:37 AM
Guillermo del Toro on wealth: "a wealthy man is a man who has enough, not a man that needs more. If you have enough to invite someone for a beer? You're rich. If you have a yacht, planes, islands, and you still need more? You're not rich."
Eating a $10 “superfood brownie” for dinner at 5:30pm because nothing matters !!!
October 20, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Eating a $10 “superfood brownie” for dinner at 5:30pm because nothing matters !!!
Reposted by Sparker (Now Festive ✨)
people playing music/videos on their phone speakers in public is more than just mildly annoying and is instead a leading indicator of the decline of community and empath
Do you have any extremely niche, but serious, ethical stances?
October 19, 2025 at 8:54 PM
people playing music/videos on their phone speakers in public is more than just mildly annoying and is instead a leading indicator of the decline of community and empath