SmartassChef
@smartasschef.bsky.social
Beverage enthusiast, raconteur, chef. Culinarily promiscuous. Come for the food. Stay for the snark and smartassery.
Reposted by SmartassChef
Look, if you're going to be sad here, you have to be funny too, ok.
October 13, 2023 at 8:56 PM
Look, if you're going to be sad here, you have to be funny too, ok.
Reposted by SmartassChef
I feel like the people who come up with rain scented things have never actually smelled rain
September 15, 2023 at 1:16 AM
I feel like the people who come up with rain scented things have never actually smelled rain
Reposted by SmartassChef
I don't know what my body fat percentage is, but I'm 65% mashed potatoes and gravy
October 3, 2023 at 9:59 AM
I don't know what my body fat percentage is, but I'm 65% mashed potatoes and gravy
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You can't fix stupid but you can catch it if you're not careful.
October 3, 2023 at 12:25 PM
You can't fix stupid but you can catch it if you're not careful.
Reposted by SmartassChef
DOG: It all started when I discovered my tail
DOG THERAPIST: *looking up from notes* And what did vou do?
DOG: *sobbing uncontrollably* I STARTED CHASING IT AND NOW I CAN’T STOP
DOG THERAPIST: *looking up from notes* And what did vou do?
DOG: *sobbing uncontrollably* I STARTED CHASING IT AND NOW I CAN’T STOP
August 30, 2023 at 3:25 PM
DOG: It all started when I discovered my tail
DOG THERAPIST: *looking up from notes* And what did vou do?
DOG: *sobbing uncontrollably* I STARTED CHASING IT AND NOW I CAN’T STOP
DOG THERAPIST: *looking up from notes* And what did vou do?
DOG: *sobbing uncontrollably* I STARTED CHASING IT AND NOW I CAN’T STOP
Reposted by SmartassChef
As a tall person, just one time at the grocery store I would love a short person to help me grab something from the bottom shelf.
September 14, 2023 at 1:58 PM
As a tall person, just one time at the grocery store I would love a short person to help me grab something from the bottom shelf.
Men writing romance novels:
"Her farts were like wind-chimes in a light summer breeze"
"Her farts were like wind-chimes in a light summer breeze"
September 10, 2023 at 12:52 PM
Men writing romance novels:
"Her farts were like wind-chimes in a light summer breeze"
"Her farts were like wind-chimes in a light summer breeze"
Reposted by SmartassChef
[sign in the terminator's kitchen]
come with me if you want to live, laugh, love
come with me if you want to live, laugh, love
July 19, 2023 at 4:17 AM
[sign in the terminator's kitchen]
come with me if you want to live, laugh, love
come with me if you want to live, laugh, love
Reposted by SmartassChef
[spelling bee]
Your word is 'apathy.’
"Can you please use it in a sentence?"
Of course I can, but does anyone really care?
Your word is 'apathy.’
"Can you please use it in a sentence?"
Of course I can, but does anyone really care?
August 26, 2023 at 7:28 PM
[spelling bee]
Your word is 'apathy.’
"Can you please use it in a sentence?"
Of course I can, but does anyone really care?
Your word is 'apathy.’
"Can you please use it in a sentence?"
Of course I can, but does anyone really care?
Reposted by SmartassChef
a pez dispenser but for teeny tiny eclairs
August 20, 2023 at 3:34 PM
a pez dispenser but for teeny tiny eclairs
Reposted by SmartassChef
Spouse of the blacksheep at the family reunion is an underused Hollywood archetype
August 14, 2023 at 12:28 AM
Spouse of the blacksheep at the family reunion is an underused Hollywood archetype
Reposted by SmartassChef
Babe have you seen my old cargo pants? I don't want to take my dress cargos camping
August 12, 2023 at 6:02 PM
Babe have you seen my old cargo pants? I don't want to take my dress cargos camping
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when you’re dating someone new and don’t wanna freak them out
August 12, 2023 at 5:14 PM
when you’re dating someone new and don’t wanna freak them out
Reposted by SmartassChef
[screaming into the void]
you can’t handle the context
you can’t handle the context
August 12, 2023 at 6:14 PM
[screaming into the void]
you can’t handle the context
you can’t handle the context
I was on the dean's list in college. I just didn't say which list.
August 8, 2023 at 6:14 PM
I was on the dean's list in college. I just didn't say which list.
A little pineapple roasted chicken with habanero fermented honey glaze with coconut basmati rice and pineapple-jalapeño pico de gallo.
August 6, 2023 at 11:57 PM
A little pineapple roasted chicken with habanero fermented honey glaze with coconut basmati rice and pineapple-jalapeño pico de gallo.