The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing us to associate optimism and a positive outlook with low intelligence

Earth Day must mean LandBack EVERYWHERE.

it’s official, #JDVanceKilledThePope

If you have a dictionary that you don't show love
Oh, yes, son, we're talking to you.

This is Donald Trump signing his name on the stimulus checks he fought against all over again 💀

"The Chinese government will have your information."
Oh no, what are they gonna do? Spy on me without a warrant? Use my location data to charge me for paying for an abortion? Bring racketeering charges against me for protesting a facility where cops train to shoot civilians? Sounds scary.

entering the tsa line with a crisp $100 bill in lieu of a ticket and an armload of loose laundry while taking pulls out of a 2-liter bottle of soda i am unwilling to throw away. the next person in line is 30 feet in front of me and i have not noticed. the plane i intend to board departs in 4 minutes

Working out a scenario where Pornhub has to launch a prestigious monthly print magazine in order to stay online in Tennessee. This is how we bring the business back: ransoming access to stepsister-stuck-in-washing-machine content with long-form literary criticism and Malcolm Harris book excerpts.

Drake withdrew his argument against UMG? So surprisingly he's *not* the second coming of Prince???

in South Korea they get to arrest the president

Nine out of ten Amazon addictions can prob be traced back to the Scholastic Book Fair.

Maybe we were too hard on JJ Abrams for "Somehow Palpatine returned."