New Message
@newmessage.bsky.social
The truth is, I'm here to entertain ME, not you. If you feel anything is 'too sacred to ridicule' you are an extremist.
https://youtube.com/@NewMessage
https://youtube.com/@NewMessage
Yeah, that is sad AF.
pickles come from a can
they were put there by a man
in a factory downtown
and if i had my little way
i'd eat pickles every day
they were put there by a man
in a factory downtown
and if i had my little way
i'd eat pickles every day
December 27, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Yeah, that is sad AF.
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The annual litany of mishaps. Stay safe, folks, and maybe stick to putting things in your butt that were designed for it.
defector.com/what-did-we-...
defector.com/what-did-we-...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year? | Defector
This is the time of year to be grateful for not having things stuck in our asses, and to think of those less fortunate than us. So spare a thought for those Americans who misjudged the capacity of the...
defector.com
December 26, 2025 at 7:19 PM
The annual litany of mishaps. Stay safe, folks, and maybe stick to putting things in your butt that were designed for it.
defector.com/what-did-we-...
defector.com/what-did-we-...
when people tell you who they are... believe them.
December 26, 2025 at 11:59 PM
when people tell you who they are... believe them.
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December 26, 2025 at 3:23 PM
Legit thought: "Who would wanna eat a hermit crab?"
Well, Lunch turned out pretty good. I remembered to take a picture of the Ham before I carved it all up. Grapefruit, Brown Sugar & Rosemary for the win!
December 26, 2025 at 4:50 AM
Legit thought: "Who would wanna eat a hermit crab?"
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December 25, 2025 at 6:45 PM
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Yeah, no thanks.
Stop guilting people about being estranged from family members. It someone is they likely have personal reasons for being so.
Stop guilting people about being estranged from family members. It someone is they likely have personal reasons for being so.
December 24, 2025 at 3:19 PM
Yeah, no thanks.
Stop guilting people about being estranged from family members. It someone is they likely have personal reasons for being so.
Stop guilting people about being estranged from family members. It someone is they likely have personal reasons for being so.
Reposted by New Message
Reposted by New Message
Normally, I would keep this private. But I make an exception.
2025 was the worst year of my personal and public lives.
2025 was the worst year of my personal and public lives.
December 25, 2025 at 5:38 PM
Normally, I would keep this private. But I make an exception.
2025 was the worst year of my personal and public lives.
2025 was the worst year of my personal and public lives.
Pro Tip: Start your New Year's Resolution on Christmas day, so you can try it out before committing to anything publicly.
December 25, 2025 at 8:43 PM
Pro Tip: Start your New Year's Resolution on Christmas day, so you can try it out before committing to anything publicly.
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Happy Hogswatch to all who celebrate. Ho! Ho! Ho!
December 25, 2025 at 12:59 PM
Happy Hogswatch to all who celebrate. Ho! Ho! Ho!
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Merry Christmas to all. defector.com/what-did-we-...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year? | Defector
This is the time of year to be grateful for not having things stuck in our asses, and to think of those less fortunate than us. So spare a thought for those Americans who misjudged the capacity of the...
defector.com
December 25, 2025 at 2:10 PM
Merry Christmas to all. defector.com/what-did-we-...
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Merry Christmas, y’all. We are grateful for each and every one of you. 🎄
December 25, 2025 at 2:52 PM
Merry Christmas, y’all. We are grateful for each and every one of you. 🎄
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Hey Gang, I Will Get Him This Year! Merry Christmas To All Of Ya!
December 25, 2025 at 6:53 AM
Hey Gang, I Will Get Him This Year! Merry Christmas To All Of Ya!
"Donald... We've been doing this every year for decades..."
-Ghost of Christmas Past, right about.... * looks at watch * Now.
-Ghost of Christmas Past, right about.... * looks at watch * Now.
December 25, 2025 at 5:23 AM
"Donald... We've been doing this every year for decades..."
-Ghost of Christmas Past, right about.... * looks at watch * Now.
-Ghost of Christmas Past, right about.... * looks at watch * Now.
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“All I Want For Christmas Is You”
Though Mariah is essentially my business partner, her hit song “All I Want for Christmas Is You” has unleashed a barrage of unreasonable demands. Let me be clear, I cannot deliver human beings. That’s called sex trafficking, and it is a crime.
Though Mariah is essentially my business partner, her hit song “All I Want for Christmas Is You” has unleashed a barrage of unreasonable demands. Let me be clear, I cannot deliver human beings. That’s called sex trafficking, and it is a crime.
Santa Claus Responds to Christmas Wishes Made in Holiday Songs
“I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” Forget the naughty-and-nice list; we need a third list for morons. What the hell are you going to do with a h...
buff.ly
December 25, 2025 at 3:00 AM
“All I Want For Christmas Is You”
Though Mariah is essentially my business partner, her hit song “All I Want for Christmas Is You” has unleashed a barrage of unreasonable demands. Let me be clear, I cannot deliver human beings. That’s called sex trafficking, and it is a crime.
Though Mariah is essentially my business partner, her hit song “All I Want for Christmas Is You” has unleashed a barrage of unreasonable demands. Let me be clear, I cannot deliver human beings. That’s called sex trafficking, and it is a crime.
I'm legit worried what is gonna happen when Santa flies over Venezuelan airspace, and the US decides to 'confiscate' the magic sack...
December 24, 2025 at 3:06 PM
I'm legit worried what is gonna happen when Santa flies over Venezuelan airspace, and the US decides to 'confiscate' the magic sack...
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Legit thought that was Michael Jackson for a second.
Someone's feeling a little ambivalent about the holidays
December 24, 2025 at 12:14 AM
Legit thought that was Michael Jackson for a second.
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Thousands of members of the Canadian Armed Forces are spending Christmas away from home – standing on guard for our freedoms, and those of our allies.
In this increasingly dangerous and divided world, we are ever more grateful for your service and sacrifice. Merry Christmas.
In this increasingly dangerous and divided world, we are ever more grateful for your service and sacrifice. Merry Christmas.
December 23, 2025 at 10:06 PM
Thousands of members of the Canadian Armed Forces are spending Christmas away from home – standing on guard for our freedoms, and those of our allies.
In this increasingly dangerous and divided world, we are ever more grateful for your service and sacrifice. Merry Christmas.
In this increasingly dangerous and divided world, we are ever more grateful for your service and sacrifice. Merry Christmas.
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Whoever built this coffeemaker clearly never watched Red Dwarf.
Or they did and they're cheeky.
Or they did and they're cheeky.
December 23, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Whoever built this coffeemaker clearly never watched Red Dwarf.
Or they did and they're cheeky.
Or they did and they're cheeky.
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Reposted by New Message
Looks like this was shared on GlobalTV in Canada and someone recorded it and sent it to multiple groups for wide distribution. Love it!!
December 22, 2025 at 10:56 PM
Looks like this was shared on GlobalTV in Canada and someone recorded it and sent it to multiple groups for wide distribution. Love it!!
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BREAKING: WATCH the full 60 Minutes CECOT segment here. This was sent to me anonymously. It appears to be the segment CBS' Bari Weiss killed. www.muellershewrote.com/p/watch-the-...
WATCH: The 60 Minutes CECOT Segment
I was sent the CECOT segment anonymously in a group chat.
www.muellershewrote.com
December 22, 2025 at 10:46 PM
BREAKING: WATCH the full 60 Minutes CECOT segment here. This was sent to me anonymously. It appears to be the segment CBS' Bari Weiss killed. www.muellershewrote.com/p/watch-the-...