(talking in my sleep): “Yesss, com to me….my pikmin…..”
February 9, 2025 at 9:35 PM
(talking in my sleep): “Yesss, com to me….my pikmin…..”
My new move at the bars is to go up to girls and say, “Want to know my opinion on the film Dog Man (2025)? Just saw it.”
February 4, 2025 at 11:41 PM
My new move at the bars is to go up to girls and say, “Want to know my opinion on the film Dog Man (2025)? Just saw it.”
Just found out my Brutalist is raising his prices. At this rate I’m never getting my dog house built.
February 3, 2025 at 12:00 AM
Just found out my Brutalist is raising his prices. At this rate I’m never getting my dog house built.
FRODO: “You’re late for Boys Weekend.”
GANDALF: “A wizard is never late for a Boys Weekend Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives and vibes precisely when he means to.”
GANDALF: “A wizard is never late for a Boys Weekend Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives and vibes precisely when he means to.”
January 28, 2025 at 9:19 PM
FRODO: “You’re late for Boys Weekend.”
GANDALF: “A wizard is never late for a Boys Weekend Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives and vibes precisely when he means to.”
GANDALF: “A wizard is never late for a Boys Weekend Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives and vibes precisely when he means to.”
Just because I’ve had coffee does not mean you are allowed to talk to me.
January 28, 2025 at 4:16 PM
Just because I’ve had coffee does not mean you are allowed to talk to me.
Reposted by Matt Rain
it would be kind of interesting if there were a real ugly country music guy who had face tattoos. i dont know, i just think that would be cool to see. hopefully someone does that soon because, again, i would enjoy seeing it. maybe i could even see it every day without looking it up? if possible?
January 28, 2025 at 5:55 AM
it would be kind of interesting if there were a real ugly country music guy who had face tattoos. i dont know, i just think that would be cool to see. hopefully someone does that soon because, again, i would enjoy seeing it. maybe i could even see it every day without looking it up? if possible?
There should be a Sundance Festival but for cheeses.
January 24, 2025 at 3:56 PM
There should be a Sundance Festival but for cheeses.
Gonna start posting more instead of trying to get married.
January 22, 2025 at 7:05 PM
Gonna start posting more instead of trying to get married.
There are no more excuses for being “not political.” Even people who have been in 30 year comas are waking up saying, “Can he do that?!”
January 22, 2025 at 6:58 PM
There are no more excuses for being “not political.” Even people who have been in 30 year comas are waking up saying, “Can he do that?!”
Reposted by Matt Rain
What I imagine the White House looks like right now
January 21, 2025 at 1:05 PM
What I imagine the White House looks like right now
Reposted by Matt Rain
"you see what I did there?" I would rather die than acknowledge what you did there
January 2, 2025 at 6:04 PM
"you see what I did there?" I would rather die than acknowledge what you did there
When I was in my early twenties I knew nothing about politics. Now all of a sudden I have opinions about President Eisenhower, that fuck!
December 29, 2024 at 3:37 PM
When I was in my early twenties I knew nothing about politics. Now all of a sudden I have opinions about President Eisenhower, that fuck!
Reposted by Matt Rain
to be clear it's his own version and there's a lot of stuff about how human women are sexually attracted to buzz lightyear
December 27, 2024 at 10:20 PM
to be clear it's his own version and there's a lot of stuff about how human women are sexually attracted to buzz lightyear
I’d like Cyber trucks more if they were called, “Pointy PS2 Un-Rendered Mobiles.”
December 28, 2024 at 1:26 AM
I’d like Cyber trucks more if they were called, “Pointy PS2 Un-Rendered Mobiles.”
Reposted by Matt Rain
boss: you know what’s weird
me: how the flintstones celebrate christmas even tho they live in 10,000 b.c?
boss: how the flin— yes exactly
me: how the flintstones celebrate christmas even tho they live in 10,000 b.c?
boss: how the flin— yes exactly
December 24, 2024 at 3:50 PM
boss: you know what’s weird
me: how the flintstones celebrate christmas even tho they live in 10,000 b.c?
boss: how the flin— yes exactly
me: how the flintstones celebrate christmas even tho they live in 10,000 b.c?
boss: how the flin— yes exactly
Reposted by Matt Rain
At the airport and I just saw a lady dip a fry into her glass of Merlot.
December 22, 2024 at 12:35 AM
At the airport and I just saw a lady dip a fry into her glass of Merlot.
All it takes to get me to see another dang Superman movie is if you give him a dog. It’s not that complicated.
December 19, 2024 at 10:16 PM
All it takes to get me to see another dang Superman movie is if you give him a dog. It’s not that complicated.
Reposted by Matt Rain
"Okay, get some snaps of that Mangione character, but you better not pull any bullshit where he looks like the subject in a 16th century painting called 'Christ taken at the Garden of Gethsemane'."
"Okay, now don't be mad but..."
"Okay, now don't be mad but..."
December 19, 2024 at 9:25 PM
"Okay, get some snaps of that Mangione character, but you better not pull any bullshit where he looks like the subject in a 16th century painting called 'Christ taken at the Garden of Gethsemane'."
"Okay, now don't be mad but..."
"Okay, now don't be mad but..."
Epilogues in books were the original mid-credits scenes.
December 18, 2024 at 6:14 PM
Epilogues in books were the original mid-credits scenes.
I really need BlueSky to have a “drafts” folder. My notes app is filled to the brim with mid jokes.
December 17, 2024 at 6:25 PM
I really need BlueSky to have a “drafts” folder. My notes app is filled to the brim with mid jokes.
Reposted by Matt Rain
your true love gave you eight maids a milking? cool. just one question. what the fuck are you talking about
December 14, 2024 at 3:58 PM
your true love gave you eight maids a milking? cool. just one question. what the fuck are you talking about
*Statler & Waldorf berating Geoff Keighley*
ME: “Yes…..break him.”
ME: “Yes…..break him.”
December 13, 2024 at 3:51 AM
*Statler & Waldorf berating Geoff Keighley*
ME: “Yes…..break him.”
ME: “Yes…..break him.”
Reposted by Matt Rain
oh, the bill? do worry about paying. we got you uncovered. your money's so good here. it's off the house
December 12, 2024 at 11:45 PM
oh, the bill? do worry about paying. we got you uncovered. your money's so good here. it's off the house
Gex has been standing outside the Peacock Theater for 2 hours. #thegameawards
December 13, 2024 at 2:03 AM
Gex has been standing outside the Peacock Theater for 2 hours. #thegameawards