Matt Fugate
@mattfugate.bsky.social
Comedian on indefinite hiatus. Sometimes I fold laundry and listen to unusual records on YouTube.
Pinned
Matt Fugate
@mattfugate.bsky.social
· Nov 15
There is no feeling of doomed optimism quite like that of replacing the cap on a tube of Krazy Glue and putting it away.
Annual reminder that The Beach Boys’ Little Saint Nick contains quite possibly the most banal holiday lyric of all time: “Christmas comes this time each year.”
December 1, 2025 at 1:38 PM
Annual reminder that The Beach Boys’ Little Saint Nick contains quite possibly the most banal holiday lyric of all time: “Christmas comes this time each year.”
Reposted by Matt Fugate
Reposted by Matt Fugate
Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.
November 12, 2025 at 10:23 PM
Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.
My phone when taking a picture of the moon:
"Best I can do is a hazy yellowish shape."
My phone when taking a picture of the northern lights:
"I have such sights to show you."
"Best I can do is a hazy yellowish shape."
My phone when taking a picture of the northern lights:
"I have such sights to show you."
November 12, 2025 at 11:30 PM
My phone when taking a picture of the moon:
"Best I can do is a hazy yellowish shape."
My phone when taking a picture of the northern lights:
"I have such sights to show you."
"Best I can do is a hazy yellowish shape."
My phone when taking a picture of the northern lights:
"I have such sights to show you."
Reposted by Matt Fugate
Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.
November 10, 2025 at 10:54 AM
Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.
Reposted by Matt Fugate
DONALD TRUMP: [asleep, drooling on long red tie]
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
November 10, 2025 at 2:37 AM
DONALD TRUMP: [asleep, drooling on long red tie]
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
Reposted by Matt Fugate
i really resent the continued assertion that there’s so much anger on both sides, as if the causes of the anger are equally legitimate. we’re angry because masked maniacs are violently snatching our family and neighbors off the street, and they’re angry because we’re calling them out for it.
October 25, 2025 at 5:57 PM
i really resent the continued assertion that there’s so much anger on both sides, as if the causes of the anger are equally legitimate. we’re angry because masked maniacs are violently snatching our family and neighbors off the street, and they’re angry because we’re calling them out for it.
Today: Target eliminating 1,800 positions, laying off 1,000 workers.
Next week: 800 Target employees doing more work for the same pay.
Next week: 800 Target employees doing more work for the same pay.
October 23, 2025 at 9:46 PM
Today: Target eliminating 1,800 positions, laying off 1,000 workers.
Next week: 800 Target employees doing more work for the same pay.
Next week: 800 Target employees doing more work for the same pay.
Re-watching Cronenberg's The Fly, and on a whim I figured I'd look up the guy playing the Geena Davis reporter character's editor/ex-boyfriend, and it turns out that he (John Getz) was also Ray, the laconic quasi-protagonist in the Coen brothers' Blood Simple. Talk about range.
October 19, 2025 at 6:09 AM
Re-watching Cronenberg's The Fly, and on a whim I figured I'd look up the guy playing the Geena Davis reporter character's editor/ex-boyfriend, and it turns out that he (John Getz) was also Ray, the laconic quasi-protagonist in the Coen brothers' Blood Simple. Talk about range.
Reposted by Matt Fugate
Iago is the first men's rights advocate in literature and the reason Coleridge couldn't discern a motive for him was because he actually liked women, not because there isn't one.
Tell me your most unhinged literary opinion, as a little treat
October 14, 2025 at 11:51 AM
Iago is the first men's rights advocate in literature and the reason Coleridge couldn't discern a motive for him was because he actually liked women, not because there isn't one.
Trump’s speech to the generals showed him to be incompetent and unstable for what seems like the 25th Amendment time.
October 1, 2025 at 1:10 AM
Trump’s speech to the generals showed him to be incompetent and unstable for what seems like the 25th Amendment time.
I thought playing back recorded Zoom/Teams meetings at double speed would make me hate myself less, but now I just sound like Ben Shapiro.
September 24, 2025 at 5:02 PM
I thought playing back recorded Zoom/Teams meetings at double speed would make me hate myself less, but now I just sound like Ben Shapiro.
Reposted by Matt Fugate
I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.
September 22, 2025 at 11:21 PM
I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.
I can't be alone in feeling a little relieved that Trump's "autism announcement" looks like is going to be junk science, rather than rounding up and detaining autistic people, right?
September 22, 2025 at 5:29 PM
I can't be alone in feeling a little relieved that Trump's "autism announcement" looks like is going to be junk science, rather than rounding up and detaining autistic people, right?
Reposted by Matt Fugate
Just 2 gun rights advocates sitting behind a wall of bulletproof glass while enjoying a memorial for a gun rights advocate who got murdered by a gun.
September 21, 2025 at 10:17 PM
Just 2 gun rights advocates sitting behind a wall of bulletproof glass while enjoying a memorial for a gun rights advocate who got murdered by a gun.
All of the “Disney destroyed my childhood with wokeness” bros must be really torn about the Kimmel cancellation.
September 18, 2025 at 9:34 PM
All of the “Disney destroyed my childhood with wokeness” bros must be really torn about the Kimmel cancellation.
Podcast ad: “Ever notice that everyone always wants more of a good thing?”
Presumed target audience: “WHAAAAAAT? HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THE CONCEPT OF DESIRING ADDITIONAL POSITIVE RESULTS?”
Presumed target audience: “WHAAAAAAT? HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THE CONCEPT OF DESIRING ADDITIONAL POSITIVE RESULTS?”
September 6, 2025 at 4:11 PM
Podcast ad: “Ever notice that everyone always wants more of a good thing?”
Presumed target audience: “WHAAAAAAT? HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THE CONCEPT OF DESIRING ADDITIONAL POSITIVE RESULTS?”
Presumed target audience: “WHAAAAAAT? HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THE CONCEPT OF DESIRING ADDITIONAL POSITIVE RESULTS?”
Reposted by Matt Fugate
Reposted by Matt Fugate
Frightening video shows child on monorail track at Hersheypark
YouTube video by ABC7
m.youtube.com
August 31, 2025 at 8:47 PM
Reposted by Matt Fugate
"How am I supposed to tell my grandson about a gay couple in a Pixar movie, when those two women should have been on leashes accompanying me to the VMAs?" - Snoop Dogg, concerned grandfather
August 25, 2025 at 2:54 PM
"How am I supposed to tell my grandson about a gay couple in a Pixar movie, when those two women should have been on leashes accompanying me to the VMAs?" - Snoop Dogg, concerned grandfather
Reposted by Matt Fugate
That one person in the zombie movie who doesn't tell the rest of the group they got bitten.
August 25, 2025 at 10:23 PM
That one person in the zombie movie who doesn't tell the rest of the group they got bitten.
Reposted by Matt Fugate
Oh man. Embarrassing for Dean Cain.
ICE posting his training session like it’s some kind of “Man of Steel” flex. Although it tracks with the incompetent, undertrained ICE agents we’re seeing on the streets.
ICE posting his training session like it’s some kind of “Man of Steel” flex. Although it tracks with the incompetent, undertrained ICE agents we’re seeing on the streets.
August 23, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Oh man. Embarrassing for Dean Cain.
ICE posting his training session like it’s some kind of “Man of Steel” flex. Although it tracks with the incompetent, undertrained ICE agents we’re seeing on the streets.
ICE posting his training session like it’s some kind of “Man of Steel” flex. Although it tracks with the incompetent, undertrained ICE agents we’re seeing on the streets.
RIP Tom Lehrer. Here’s something from The Electric Company that is delightful and shockingly helpful for any young reader.
Tom Lehrer - "Silent E"
YouTube video by Edgar Aldrett
youtube.com
July 27, 2025 at 6:33 PM
RIP Tom Lehrer. Here’s something from The Electric Company that is delightful and shockingly helpful for any young reader.
Hogan is finally matching his credit in No Holds Barred.
July 24, 2025 at 10:47 PM
Hogan is finally matching his credit in No Holds Barred.
If only there was a vaccine for Dunning–Kruger effect. We know there’s no remedy for people who already have it.
July 2, 2025 at 11:57 PM
If only there was a vaccine for Dunning–Kruger effect. We know there’s no remedy for people who already have it.