me: come over

ancient god: i cannot

me: but i’m conducting a forbidden ritual in your name

ancient god: on my way

I don’t wallow in despair, but sometimes I take a soothing dip

My toxic trait is playing human buckaroo with myself carrying an inappropriate amount of items because I cba to do two trips and inevitably spilling coffee everywhere or scraping someone's wall to shit.

It is Ash Wednesday, not Ass Wednesday. I am no longer welcome at St. Peter's.

Darth Vader storming through the Death Star turning off lights mumbling about we ain't lighting the universe

‘Ultimate bringers of life’: How one Cornwall farmer is using beavers to stop flooding

Putting “Trump declares Pluto a planet again” on my bingo card.