Pinned
Burying my uncle Mike with random trophies I found at goodwill so when future generations dig him up they'll think he was good at taekwondo.
Reposted by Mr Business
I think I finally understand music... When the notes go up that means happy. When the drums are fast that means running. Trumpet noises are either a cry for help or a declaration of war
February 27, 2025 at 12:00 PM
I think I finally understand music... When the notes go up that means happy. When the drums are fast that means running. Trumpet noises are either a cry for help or a declaration of war
Just found out my Nintendog has been harvested by web pirates and is currently being employed to appear on old people's desktops "clippy style " to encourage them to commit suicide
January 26, 2025 at 2:59 PM
Just found out my Nintendog has been harvested by web pirates and is currently being employed to appear on old people's desktops "clippy style " to encourage them to commit suicide
Why can't they put good things we want to see on TV, like sir paul McCartney being attacked by an emu
December 23, 2024 at 1:54 PM
Why can't they put good things we want to see on TV, like sir paul McCartney being attacked by an emu
Reposted by Mr Business
interviewer: do you have any hobbies?
me: actually i just finished a new model train.
interviewer: oh really i’d like to get into that.
me: you can’t dummy it’s too small.
me: actually i just finished a new model train.
interviewer: oh really i’d like to get into that.
me: you can’t dummy it’s too small.
December 20, 2024 at 2:31 PM
interviewer: do you have any hobbies?
me: actually i just finished a new model train.
interviewer: oh really i’d like to get into that.
me: you can’t dummy it’s too small.
me: actually i just finished a new model train.
interviewer: oh really i’d like to get into that.
me: you can’t dummy it’s too small.
Reposted by Mr Business
Hate freeloaders who join in the New Year's Eve countdown for the last 10 seconds. I've been doing this all year. Where were you back in May
December 14, 2024 at 1:14 PM
Hate freeloaders who join in the New Year's Eve countdown for the last 10 seconds. I've been doing this all year. Where were you back in May
We know snakes respond to flutes, those basket boys make the snakes go absolutely berserk with their fluting. But why have we stopped there? Maybe whales go crazy for tubas , maybe you can make a horse flail madly by violining in its general direction
December 14, 2024 at 1:18 PM
We know snakes respond to flutes, those basket boys make the snakes go absolutely berserk with their fluting. But why have we stopped there? Maybe whales go crazy for tubas , maybe you can make a horse flail madly by violining in its general direction
Reposted by Mr Business
You can lead a horse to water, but it will not be super impressed. Horses know about water
December 14, 2024 at 4:33 AM
You can lead a horse to water, but it will not be super impressed. Horses know about water
Reposted by Mr Business
finding nemo came out in 2003 and clownfish only live 10-12 years so good morning nemo is dead
December 14, 2024 at 10:45 AM
finding nemo came out in 2003 and clownfish only live 10-12 years so good morning nemo is dead
Reposted by Mr Business
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, followed closely by Breakfast 2, Lunch, Dark Lunch, Breakfast 4 and Midnight Eggfeast
December 11, 2024 at 3:37 PM
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, followed closely by Breakfast 2, Lunch, Dark Lunch, Breakfast 4 and Midnight Eggfeast
Reposted by Mr Business
if your piss is dark you need to drink more water. if your piss is green you are shrek
December 11, 2024 at 12:34 AM
if your piss is dark you need to drink more water. if your piss is green you are shrek
Yeah I'll be watching the big fight, love it , makes me feel a bit sick and nauseous tho (normal), my bros get uncomfortable at the wretching and sobbing , then we all cheer for the new champion.
December 10, 2024 at 11:16 PM
Yeah I'll be watching the big fight, love it , makes me feel a bit sick and nauseous tho (normal), my bros get uncomfortable at the wretching and sobbing , then we all cheer for the new champion.
What if sonic doesn't want to run fast. what if it's a disease
December 10, 2024 at 5:20 PM
What if sonic doesn't want to run fast. what if it's a disease
Reposted by Mr Business
did you see the stuff online. it’s crazy
December 10, 2024 at 1:57 AM
did you see the stuff online. it’s crazy
Crazy that in my dreams I can do rad stuff like murder Shrek but in "reality " all I'm allowed to do is work at Jamba juice and call the bus driver "m'lord "
December 10, 2024 at 1:51 AM
Crazy that in my dreams I can do rad stuff like murder Shrek but in "reality " all I'm allowed to do is work at Jamba juice and call the bus driver "m'lord "
Not looking forward to Christmas , uncle Keith is visiting, just had his 9th balls surgery of the year , always wincing as he sits down "ouch my bags are tender " he says , "want to cut the turkey keith?" , "no I am out of ball ointment and must stay still due to ball agony" etc
December 10, 2024 at 1:45 AM
Not looking forward to Christmas , uncle Keith is visiting, just had his 9th balls surgery of the year , always wincing as he sits down "ouch my bags are tender " he says , "want to cut the turkey keith?" , "no I am out of ball ointment and must stay still due to ball agony" etc
Reposted by Mr Business
a werewolf transformation that correlates to moon phases. like during a thin crescent you’re mostly human but with a wet nose
December 9, 2024 at 12:09 AM
a werewolf transformation that correlates to moon phases. like during a thin crescent you’re mostly human but with a wet nose
Nephew just messaged me "Iss dog fur it's cloths??" Cute right? WRONG, my nephew is 37 and wanted by the police for unlicensed dentistry
December 7, 2024 at 4:15 PM
Nephew just messaged me "Iss dog fur it's cloths??" Cute right? WRONG, my nephew is 37 and wanted by the police for unlicensed dentistry
Reposted by Mr Business
only idiots rob banks. i rob zoos. i have 47 meerkats
December 7, 2024 at 2:28 AM
only idiots rob banks. i rob zoos. i have 47 meerkats
Burying my uncle Mike with random trophies I found at goodwill so when future generations dig him up they'll think he was good at taekwondo.
December 6, 2024 at 5:44 PM
Burying my uncle Mike with random trophies I found at goodwill so when future generations dig him up they'll think he was good at taekwondo.
Reposted by Mr Business
Shaved 5 minutes off my morning routine by brushing my teeth and riding the mechanical duck outside the supermarket at the same time
December 6, 2024 at 1:17 PM
Shaved 5 minutes off my morning routine by brushing my teeth and riding the mechanical duck outside the supermarket at the same time
Reposted by Mr Business
optimus prime: did she just wink at me?
me: i think she’s turning left
me: i think she’s turning left
December 6, 2024 at 12:16 AM
optimus prime: did she just wink at me?
me: i think she’s turning left
me: i think she’s turning left
When did we stop gargoyling buildings? Why did the gargoyling stop? Where have all the gargoylers gone?
December 5, 2024 at 7:11 PM
When did we stop gargoyling buildings? Why did the gargoyling stop? Where have all the gargoylers gone?
Can you spare some bones?. My uncle Mike needs your bones , his bones all fell out last week and were stolen by rats , scientists think rats use them to build underground rat gazebos (but this isn't important ) the important thing is my uncle mike needs 600 bones by next Tuesday.
December 5, 2024 at 1:23 AM
Can you spare some bones?. My uncle Mike needs your bones , his bones all fell out last week and were stolen by rats , scientists think rats use them to build underground rat gazebos (but this isn't important ) the important thing is my uncle mike needs 600 bones by next Tuesday.
Reposted by Mr Business
him: (looking at my scars) wow, how did you get those?
me: (knowing they’re from my cat scratching me) war
me: (knowing they’re from my cat scratching me) war
November 18, 2024 at 11:14 PM
him: (looking at my scars) wow, how did you get those?
me: (knowing they’re from my cat scratching me) war
me: (knowing they’re from my cat scratching me) war