i buy all my nuts from aldi’s just for the joke potential

The waiter said my steak was rare but it turns out there are literally thousands of steaks.

i think we've all learned something tonight about the size of the market for events where there's a chance to see an influencer beaten to death

oh hell yeah i love most sports

When you have that explosive diarrhea feelin’

“You guys, I think I’m gonna have a sonic bowel movement.”

@aneeshswamy.bsky.social it’s a lot of pressure to come up with a good first post, right?

But that would theoretically double the number of homeless people.

You ever find a photo on your phone from a while ago that’s so random you kind of wonder about yourself?

Yeah, me neither.

I don't know much, but I know this is where all the space aliens are hiding

I’m just here because Twitter used to be fine.