D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi novelist 🪐📚
@dnschmidt.com
Science fiction novelist and humorist. Posting stories, jokes, and thoughts about writing and creativity.
Get my books, free stories and writing tips at https://dnschmidt.com. Sign up for email updates so you don’t miss a thing!
Get my books, free stories and writing tips at https://dnschmidt.com. Sign up for email updates so you don’t miss a thing!
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The Chained Space Series - D.N. Schmidt
Jay Jordan and his space junk salvage crew travel the Domain, bending the law like a pretzel and sneaking their loot past wormhole security. All he wants out
chainedspace.com
Looking for gift ideas?
A salvage crew goes after a ship lost in the deadliest place in space. They battle alien gangsters, the galactic government, and their own minds.
Great for fans of Firefly, Cowboy Bebop, and other fun space adventures!
#booksky 📚🪐 #spaceopera
chainedspace.com
A salvage crew goes after a ship lost in the deadliest place in space. They battle alien gangsters, the galactic government, and their own minds.
Great for fans of Firefly, Cowboy Bebop, and other fun space adventures!
#booksky 📚🪐 #spaceopera
chainedspace.com
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi novelist 🪐📚
First line from each of the 4 books in The Audacity series! Available here: www.carmenloup.com/novels-bcover
November 11, 2025 at 6:54 PM
First line from each of the 4 books in The Audacity series! Available here: www.carmenloup.com/novels-bcover
The sorceress appeared at the bus stop in a cloud of smoke. “Chosen one! You’re the new Fairy Battle Princess!”
Jen looked up from scratching her armpit. “Me?”
“Yes, you! We’ve got a world to save!”
“Do I have to wear a chainmail bikini?”
“What? No, of course not.”
“…Can I?”
“Ugh, fine.”
#vss
Jen looked up from scratching her armpit. “Me?”
“Yes, you! We’ve got a world to save!”
“Do I have to wear a chainmail bikini?”
“What? No, of course not.”
“…Can I?”
“Ugh, fine.”
#vss
November 11, 2025 at 7:51 PM
The sorceress appeared at the bus stop in a cloud of smoke. “Chosen one! You’re the new Fairy Battle Princess!”
Jen looked up from scratching her armpit. “Me?”
“Yes, you! We’ve got a world to save!”
“Do I have to wear a chainmail bikini?”
“What? No, of course not.”
“…Can I?”
“Ugh, fine.”
#vss
Jen looked up from scratching her armpit. “Me?”
“Yes, you! We’ve got a world to save!”
“Do I have to wear a chainmail bikini?”
“What? No, of course not.”
“…Can I?”
“Ugh, fine.”
#vss
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi novelist 🪐📚
A B-52s version of the Fisher-Price See 'n Say that makes all the animal noises from Rock Lobster.
November 11, 2025 at 5:26 PM
A B-52s version of the Fisher-Price See 'n Say that makes all the animal noises from Rock Lobster.
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi novelist 🪐📚
There's a simple solution to the dead 007 problem:
Make Bond a timelord.
Make Bond a timelord.
November 11, 2025 at 5:12 PM
There's a simple solution to the dead 007 problem:
Make Bond a timelord.
Make Bond a timelord.
The tractor beam pulled Bill into the sky. As he rose higher, he realized the UFO was closer than he thought, just very small. The ship was the size of two hubcaps glued together, and the airlock only eight cm wide.
“Umm, guys?” he called. “Maybe if you abducted me one limb at a time?”
#vss #sff
“Umm, guys?” he called. “Maybe if you abducted me one limb at a time?”
#vss #sff
November 11, 2025 at 4:53 PM
And in other news, a startup company is offering a cheap substitute for a genuine human need. According to the CEO, “Our product uses bright colors and sexy curves to dull the persistent ache of your unfulfilling life. For only $19.99 a month, you’ll be able to ignore the emptiness in your soul.”
November 11, 2025 at 3:26 PM
And in other news, a startup company is offering a cheap substitute for a genuine human need. According to the CEO, “Our product uses bright colors and sexy curves to dull the persistent ache of your unfulfilling life. For only $19.99 a month, you’ll be able to ignore the emptiness in your soul.”
The Washington Generals aren’t the only professional losers in Washington.
November 11, 2025 at 2:15 PM
The Washington Generals aren’t the only professional losers in Washington.
“Dad,” Susie asked, “why do we have security cameras?”
“It’s a safety #measure,” Tom said. “To protect us from the little people.”
She looked out the mansion’s picture window at the smaller houses down the hill. “Oh!”
“Thanks for reminding me. We’re almost out of leprechaun repellent.”
#vss365
“It’s a safety #measure,” Tom said. “To protect us from the little people.”
She looked out the mansion’s picture window at the smaller houses down the hill. “Oh!”
“Thanks for reminding me. We’re almost out of leprechaun repellent.”
#vss365
November 11, 2025 at 1:01 PM
The 7 deadly sins are Pride, Wrath, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, Greed, and Eating someone else's granola bar without asking even though it's the last one and you know he likes to have one every day as a mid-afternoon snack, RACHEL.
November 11, 2025 at 11:56 AM
The 7 deadly sins are Pride, Wrath, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, Greed, and Eating someone else's granola bar without asking even though it's the last one and you know he likes to have one every day as a mid-afternoon snack, RACHEL.
Introverted hero keeps letting the call to adventure go to voice mail.
November 11, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Introverted hero keeps letting the call to adventure go to voice mail.
Stop posting censored screenshots of social media posts. If you're afraid Big Daddy Algorithm is going to spank you for posting a picture of the word "shit," you need to find a new virtual hangout.
November 10, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Stop posting censored screenshots of social media posts. If you're afraid Big Daddy Algorithm is going to spank you for posting a picture of the word "shit," you need to find a new virtual hangout.
Science fiction short story:
When Earth is visited by seemingly benevolent aliens, Jack is suspicious of humanity's self-appointed guardians. Do humans need a "smarter" species to take care of them? Is it still an alien invasion if the aliens only want to help?
www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-...
When Earth is visited by seemingly benevolent aliens, Jack is suspicious of humanity's self-appointed guardians. Do humans need a "smarter" species to take care of them? Is it still an alien invasion if the aliens only want to help?
www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-...
The Proper Care and Feeding of Humans
Amazon.com: The Proper Care and Feeding of Humans eBook : Schmidt, D.N.: Kindle Store
www.amazon.com
November 10, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Science fiction short story:
When Earth is visited by seemingly benevolent aliens, Jack is suspicious of humanity's self-appointed guardians. Do humans need a "smarter" species to take care of them? Is it still an alien invasion if the aliens only want to help?
www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-...
When Earth is visited by seemingly benevolent aliens, Jack is suspicious of humanity's self-appointed guardians. Do humans need a "smarter" species to take care of them? Is it still an alien invasion if the aliens only want to help?
www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-...
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi novelist 🪐📚
Petrified wood is just regular wood that saw a ghost.
September 20, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Petrified wood is just regular wood that saw a ghost.
Lots of new followers today. Looks like the demon is holding up his end of the deal!
November 10, 2025 at 7:41 PM
Lots of new followers today. Looks like the demon is holding up his end of the deal!
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi novelist 🪐📚
All the old Northwoods legends are true, to Morty's dismay. When his appetite turns to long pork, how will he hide it from his friends? Can a nerdy bookseller stop the destruction of wild lands with his new teeth & claws? WENDIGOGO: bloody horror comedy with a bite! books2read.com/u/mv5BzX
November 9, 2025 at 4:42 PM
All the old Northwoods legends are true, to Morty's dismay. When his appetite turns to long pork, how will he hide it from his friends? Can a nerdy bookseller stop the destruction of wild lands with his new teeth & claws? WENDIGOGO: bloody horror comedy with a bite! books2read.com/u/mv5BzX
New fantasy short story:
Working in retail stinks, even if it’s a magic-filled potion shop. An eight-minute read.
#fantasy #shortstories
dnschmidt.com/fantasy-stor...
Working in retail stinks, even if it’s a magic-filled potion shop. An eight-minute read.
#fantasy #shortstories
dnschmidt.com/fantasy-stor...
Reversible - D.N. Schmidt
“This is going to be bad…” Evie stood at the counter, chewing on a fingernail. Fuddle Potion Shop was about to open and it was sure to be busier than ever.
dnschmidt.com
November 10, 2025 at 4:19 PM
New fantasy short story:
Working in retail stinks, even if it’s a magic-filled potion shop. An eight-minute read.
#fantasy #shortstories
dnschmidt.com/fantasy-stor...
Working in retail stinks, even if it’s a magic-filled potion shop. An eight-minute read.
#fantasy #shortstories
dnschmidt.com/fantasy-stor...
“I want to open our marriage,” Dad said.
Mom poured herself another glass of wine. “Why not? I’m already seeing your brother.”
Bobby groaned. “Why does my life have to be serious #literature? Can’t we switch genres?”
But no ghosts or spacemen were coming to Thanksgiving, just Uncle Bill.
#vss365
Mom poured herself another glass of wine. “Why not? I’m already seeing your brother.”
Bobby groaned. “Why does my life have to be serious #literature? Can’t we switch genres?”
But no ghosts or spacemen were coming to Thanksgiving, just Uncle Bill.
#vss365
November 10, 2025 at 1:17 PM
“I want to open our marriage,” Dad said.
Mom poured herself another glass of wine. “Why not? I’m already seeing your brother.”
Bobby groaned. “Why does my life have to be serious #literature? Can’t we switch genres?”
But no ghosts or spacemen were coming to Thanksgiving, just Uncle Bill.
#vss365
Mom poured herself another glass of wine. “Why not? I’m already seeing your brother.”
Bobby groaned. “Why does my life have to be serious #literature? Can’t we switch genres?”
But no ghosts or spacemen were coming to Thanksgiving, just Uncle Bill.
#vss365
Movie idea:
A lonely boy adopts a dog and discovers it has a strange talent for making French pastries. Call it "Eclair Bud."
A lonely boy adopts a dog and discovers it has a strange talent for making French pastries. Call it "Eclair Bud."
November 9, 2025 at 10:19 PM
Movie idea:
A lonely boy adopts a dog and discovers it has a strange talent for making French pastries. Call it "Eclair Bud."
A lonely boy adopts a dog and discovers it has a strange talent for making French pastries. Call it "Eclair Bud."
There should be a word for books and movies that presume the audience is familiar with the genre, and so don't over-explain things.
There's "assumptive," but that sounds like a 19th century medicine. Oh, grandma's consumption is acting up again! Better give her an assumptive!
There's "assumptive," but that sounds like a 19th century medicine. Oh, grandma's consumption is acting up again! Better give her an assumptive!
November 9, 2025 at 3:08 PM
There should be a word for books and movies that presume the audience is familiar with the genre, and so don't over-explain things.
There's "assumptive," but that sounds like a 19th century medicine. Oh, grandma's consumption is acting up again! Better give her an assumptive!
There's "assumptive," but that sounds like a 19th century medicine. Oh, grandma's consumption is acting up again! Better give her an assumptive!
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi novelist 🪐📚
i'm soooo close to hitting 100 sales of my short story 'the knight saves the dragon' this year!! check it out if you like short fantasy stories where the dragon doesn't die! 🐉
only 99c! 🗡️
universal link: mybook.to/eJsBfU
only 99c! 🗡️
universal link: mybook.to/eJsBfU
November 9, 2025 at 12:09 AM
i'm soooo close to hitting 100 sales of my short story 'the knight saves the dragon' this year!! check it out if you like short fantasy stories where the dragon doesn't die! 🐉
only 99c! 🗡️
universal link: mybook.to/eJsBfU
only 99c! 🗡️
universal link: mybook.to/eJsBfU
Nothing to do tonight? Dress up in a snail costume and go trick or treating.
November 9, 2025 at 2:08 PM
Nothing to do tonight? Dress up in a snail costume and go trick or treating.
Thanks to the person who picked up Inspiration Overdose yesterday! I hope it inspires your next great story. Happy writing!
November 9, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Thanks to the person who picked up Inspiration Overdose yesterday! I hope it inspires your next great story. Happy writing!
Greg raised his fist in triumph. "I've done it! I've tripled the lifespan of our lab mice! Imagine what this will do for people!"
Sue rubbed her chin. "Hmm... Imagine our #laws if the current Congress was full of people born in 1785."
"Good point." He shoved his notes in the autoclave.
#vss365
Sue rubbed her chin. "Hmm... Imagine our #laws if the current Congress was full of people born in 1785."
"Good point." He shoved his notes in the autoclave.
#vss365
November 9, 2025 at 12:40 PM
Book idea:
Avoid Your Own Adventure. The other characters keep trying to get you to stop alien invasions, hunt down werewolves, and fend off zombie apocalypses, but if you make the right choices, you can go home and watch TV.
Avoid Your Own Adventure. The other characters keep trying to get you to stop alien invasions, hunt down werewolves, and fend off zombie apocalypses, but if you make the right choices, you can go home and watch TV.
November 9, 2025 at 1:40 AM
Book idea:
Avoid Your Own Adventure. The other characters keep trying to get you to stop alien invasions, hunt down werewolves, and fend off zombie apocalypses, but if you make the right choices, you can go home and watch TV.
Avoid Your Own Adventure. The other characters keep trying to get you to stop alien invasions, hunt down werewolves, and fend off zombie apocalypses, but if you make the right choices, you can go home and watch TV.
Oh sure, when a weird rat hides under a chef's hat and controls their body, people think it's cute. But when I, a perfectly normal earwig, crawl in a human's ear and whisper the names from my enemies list, suddenly controlling humans is "creepy" and "gross." How is that fair?
November 8, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Oh sure, when a weird rat hides under a chef's hat and controls their body, people think it's cute. But when I, a perfectly normal earwig, crawl in a human's ear and whisper the names from my enemies list, suddenly controlling humans is "creepy" and "gross." How is that fair?