D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi author🪐📚
@dnschmidt.com
Science fiction novelist and humorist. Follow for stories, jokes, and thoughts about writing and creativity.
Get my books, free stories and writing tips at https://dnschmidt.com. Sign up for email updates so you don’t miss a thing!
Get my books, free stories and writing tips at https://dnschmidt.com. Sign up for email updates so you don’t miss a thing!
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The Chained Space Series
Visit Amazon's The Chained Space Series Page and shop for all The Chained Space Series books. Check out pictures, author information, and reviews of The Chained Space Series
www.amazon.com
The Chained Space Series has everything:
* Super icky slime monsters!
* Redneck lizards!
* Space madness!
* Recreational brain surgery!
* Cat science!
Stand-alone space adventures building up to the big finale still to come!
www.amazon.com/dp/B0FP9TZ69D
* Super icky slime monsters!
* Redneck lizards!
* Space madness!
* Recreational brain surgery!
* Cat science!
Stand-alone space adventures building up to the big finale still to come!
www.amazon.com/dp/B0FP9TZ69D
None of these so-called "fortune" cookies have any cash inside.
February 9, 2026 at 11:02 PM
None of these so-called "fortune" cookies have any cash inside.
In the eighties, “getting catcalled” meant something entirely different.
a woman in a yellow vest sits at a desk with a garfield statue
Alt: a woman in a yellow vest sits at a desk using a Garfield phone.
media.tenor.com
February 9, 2026 at 8:05 PM
In the eighties, “getting catcalled” meant something entirely different.
Escape the horrors of life on Earth by reading about the horrors of space!
* Slime monsters!
* Alien gangsters!
* Space madness!
* Absurdly high wormhole fees!
* Junk food from another planet!
Available in paperback, Kindle, or brain implant!
#sff #spaceopera
www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0FP...
* Slime monsters!
* Alien gangsters!
* Space madness!
* Absurdly high wormhole fees!
* Junk food from another planet!
Available in paperback, Kindle, or brain implant!
#sff #spaceopera
www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0FP...
The Screaming Void: Book 1 in the Chained Space Series
Amazon.com: The Screaming Void: Book 1 in the Chained Space Series eBook : Schmidt, D.N.: Kindle Store
www.amazon.com
February 9, 2026 at 7:07 PM
Escape the horrors of life on Earth by reading about the horrors of space!
* Slime monsters!
* Alien gangsters!
* Space madness!
* Absurdly high wormhole fees!
* Junk food from another planet!
Available in paperback, Kindle, or brain implant!
#sff #spaceopera
www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0FP...
* Slime monsters!
* Alien gangsters!
* Space madness!
* Absurdly high wormhole fees!
* Junk food from another planet!
Available in paperback, Kindle, or brain implant!
#sff #spaceopera
www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0FP...
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi author🪐📚
Billionaire crushing everything with his solid gold monster truck: It’s okay! I hired an ethics philosopher! She says this is totally fine!
February 9, 2026 at 4:31 PM
Billionaire crushing everything with his solid gold monster truck: It’s okay! I hired an ethics philosopher! She says this is totally fine!
If you write a very short story but decide it’s crap and immediately delete it, that’s flush fiction.
February 9, 2026 at 3:30 PM
If you write a very short story but decide it’s crap and immediately delete it, that’s flush fiction.
A musician entertains crowds with his magic violin and dancing ghosts, but what happens when the spirits demand their freedom?
I got a great response to my flash fiction piece about the magic violin, so I revised and expanded it into a short fantasy story. Enjoy!
dnschmidt.com/fantasy-stor...
I got a great response to my flash fiction piece about the magic violin, so I revised and expanded it into a short fantasy story. Enjoy!
dnschmidt.com/fantasy-stor...
The Puppeteer and the Dancing Ghosts - D.N. Schmidt
A musician entertains crowds with his magical violin and dancing ghosts. But what happens when his dancers want to quit the show? A supernatural fantasy story.
dnschmidt.com
February 9, 2026 at 3:14 PM
A musician entertains crowds with his magic violin and dancing ghosts, but what happens when the spirits demand their freedom?
I got a great response to my flash fiction piece about the magic violin, so I revised and expanded it into a short fantasy story. Enjoy!
dnschmidt.com/fantasy-stor...
I got a great response to my flash fiction piece about the magic violin, so I revised and expanded it into a short fantasy story. Enjoy!
dnschmidt.com/fantasy-stor...
Back in the days of antiquity, everyone was against quity. No quity, just worky worky. It was an exhausting time.
February 9, 2026 at 11:50 AM
Back in the days of antiquity, everyone was against quity. No quity, just worky worky. It was an exhausting time.
The creature stared at itself in the mirror. It was a mix of human and raccoon, a horror of #bone and roadkill held together with wire. "No!" it groaned. "How will I find love?"
The necromancer patted its shoulder. "Women like a guy who can make them laugh. Some of those are clown bones!"
#vss365
The necromancer patted its shoulder. "Women like a guy who can make them laugh. Some of those are clown bones!"
#vss365
February 9, 2026 at 11:20 AM
Ever read that Bible story where demons possessed a herd of pigs? I bet evil hot dogs would taste even better than regular hot dogs.
February 8, 2026 at 9:42 PM
Ever read that Bible story where demons possessed a herd of pigs? I bet evil hot dogs would taste even better than regular hot dogs.
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi author🪐📚
'Opportunistic hack' was me being polite about AI slop in the arts.
And I stand by that.
And I stand by that.
February 8, 2026 at 6:12 PM
'Opportunistic hack' was me being polite about AI slop in the arts.
And I stand by that.
And I stand by that.
Me: Look, you've already got Iceman. Why not hire me, too?
Professor X: I just don't think that counts as a super power. You're not even a mutant.
Me: Alright, fine! Maybe I'll go work for Mr. Freeze! *Drives off on Zamboni*
Professor X: I just don't think that counts as a super power. You're not even a mutant.
Me: Alright, fine! Maybe I'll go work for Mr. Freeze! *Drives off on Zamboni*
February 8, 2026 at 7:04 PM
Me: Look, you've already got Iceman. Why not hire me, too?
Professor X: I just don't think that counts as a super power. You're not even a mutant.
Me: Alright, fine! Maybe I'll go work for Mr. Freeze! *Drives off on Zamboni*
Professor X: I just don't think that counts as a super power. You're not even a mutant.
Me: Alright, fine! Maybe I'll go work for Mr. Freeze! *Drives off on Zamboni*
I used to be a magician. While famous illusionists need a trap door to make a woman disappear, I just used my personality. Sometimes all I needed to do was introduce myself, and poof, gone!
February 8, 2026 at 6:36 PM
I used to be a magician. While famous illusionists need a trap door to make a woman disappear, I just used my personality. Sometimes all I needed to do was introduce myself, and poof, gone!
Genie: What is your wish?
Me: I always loved Avatar: The Last Airbender. I want to control an element!
Genie: Granted! Here are the keys to your Honda.
Me: I always loved Avatar: The Last Airbender. I want to control an element!
Genie: Granted! Here are the keys to your Honda.
February 8, 2026 at 2:40 PM
Genie: What is your wish?
Me: I always loved Avatar: The Last Airbender. I want to control an element!
Genie: Granted! Here are the keys to your Honda.
Me: I always loved Avatar: The Last Airbender. I want to control an element!
Genie: Granted! Here are the keys to your Honda.
Frugal Tip:
You can avoid paying rent by convincing your room mate that you're a ghost.
"Boooooo! It's your tuuuuurn to do the diiiiiiishes!"
You can avoid paying rent by convincing your room mate that you're a ghost.
"Boooooo! It's your tuuuuurn to do the diiiiiiishes!"
February 8, 2026 at 1:34 PM
Frugal Tip:
You can avoid paying rent by convincing your room mate that you're a ghost.
"Boooooo! It's your tuuuuurn to do the diiiiiiishes!"
You can avoid paying rent by convincing your room mate that you're a ghost.
"Boooooo! It's your tuuuuurn to do the diiiiiiishes!"
Amy ran to her bedroom, but the #pale man flew inside before she could barricade the door.
"You're helpless now," he said. "No more weapons."
She shook her head. "Actually, I have one more: seasonal depression." She flipped the switch on her UV therapy lamp, and the vampire screamed.
#vss365
"You're helpless now," he said. "No more weapons."
She shook her head. "Actually, I have one more: seasonal depression." She flipped the switch on her UV therapy lamp, and the vampire screamed.
#vss365
February 8, 2026 at 11:53 AM
Why is the word smithereens always plural? You never hear “He was blown to smithereen! He was very tiny, so it was just the one. He only smithered one reen.”
February 8, 2026 at 2:24 AM
Why is the word smithereens always plural? You never hear “He was blown to smithereen! He was very tiny, so it was just the one. He only smithered one reen.”
Alien hive mind: Join us!
Alien hives mind: My brain is so itchy!
Alien hives mind: My brain is so itchy!
February 8, 2026 at 1:18 AM
Alien hive mind: Join us!
Alien hives mind: My brain is so itchy!
Alien hives mind: My brain is so itchy!
👀
These are my books.
So far.
What if Maleficent was Aurora's mother and what if she wasn't really evil?
www.amazon.com/dp/B08HLVPF7D
So far.
What if Maleficent was Aurora's mother and what if she wasn't really evil?
www.amazon.com/dp/B08HLVPF7D
February 7, 2026 at 7:22 PM
👀
They say penguins mate for life, but that's not true. Eventually, the zookeeper makes you give her back.
February 7, 2026 at 5:37 PM
They say penguins mate for life, but that's not true. Eventually, the zookeeper makes you give her back.
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi author🪐📚
*a gentle breeze carries a napkin with unintelligible scribbles on it out a bus window*
“MY OEUVRE!” I cry.
“MY OEUVRE!” I cry.
February 6, 2026 at 3:05 PM
*a gentle breeze carries a napkin with unintelligible scribbles on it out a bus window*
“MY OEUVRE!” I cry.
“MY OEUVRE!” I cry.
My friend was teasing me about writing faster than I do. "You need to work on your typing speed. I just published my twenty-second book!"
I said, "Big deal. If it only takes that long to read, it must be like forty words long."
I said, "Big deal. If it only takes that long to read, it must be like forty words long."
February 7, 2026 at 3:16 PM
My friend was teasing me about writing faster than I do. "You need to work on your typing speed. I just published my twenty-second book!"
I said, "Big deal. If it only takes that long to read, it must be like forty words long."
I said, "Big deal. If it only takes that long to read, it must be like forty words long."
If you holler "Play Freebird!" enough times, eventually people stop inviting you to their kid's piano recitals.
February 7, 2026 at 2:51 PM
If you holler "Play Freebird!" enough times, eventually people stop inviting you to their kid's piano recitals.
Reposted by D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi author🪐📚
📝 400+ pages
🥀 urban fantasy
🌃 set in washington state
🔥 slow burn
🤍 romance and angst
🗡️ demons and vampires
📕 first in a duology
🔖 universal link: mybook.to/D3rL5
💌 itch.io link: rebecca-crunden.itch.io/the-wish-and...
📖 goodreads: www.goodreads.com/book/show/23...
[ #booksky ]
🥀 urban fantasy
🌃 set in washington state
🔥 slow burn
🤍 romance and angst
🗡️ demons and vampires
📕 first in a duology
🔖 universal link: mybook.to/D3rL5
💌 itch.io link: rebecca-crunden.itch.io/the-wish-and...
📖 goodreads: www.goodreads.com/book/show/23...
[ #booksky ]
February 5, 2026 at 2:08 AM
📝 400+ pages
🥀 urban fantasy
🌃 set in washington state
🔥 slow burn
🤍 romance and angst
🗡️ demons and vampires
📕 first in a duology
🔖 universal link: mybook.to/D3rL5
💌 itch.io link: rebecca-crunden.itch.io/the-wish-and...
📖 goodreads: www.goodreads.com/book/show/23...
[ #booksky ]
🥀 urban fantasy
🌃 set in washington state
🔥 slow burn
🤍 romance and angst
🗡️ demons and vampires
📕 first in a duology
🔖 universal link: mybook.to/D3rL5
💌 itch.io link: rebecca-crunden.itch.io/the-wish-and...
📖 goodreads: www.goodreads.com/book/show/23...
[ #booksky ]
Rachel opened her eyes, startled to see a man in a dark suit next to her hammock. "What? Who are you?"
"I have come for you, my sweet," Edgar said. His dark eyes were mesmerizing. He leaned in to drink her #blood.
A nearby mosquito rolled her eyes. "But when I try it, she swats me!"
#vss365
"I have come for you, my sweet," Edgar said. His dark eyes were mesmerizing. He leaned in to drink her #blood.
A nearby mosquito rolled her eyes. "But when I try it, she swats me!"
#vss365
February 7, 2026 at 12:32 PM