Mike Heyman
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heyman.bsky.social
Mike Heyman
@heyman.bsky.social
Introverted music festival attender | 5-2 record vs my 6-y/o daughter at air hockey
I just read a post on "the other app" that said, "The best part of being a flight attendant has to be walking down the aisle while saying 'trash' and looking people in the eye." I'm ☠️☠️☠️
November 29, 2023 at 2:10 AM
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"Smooth jazz implies the existence of harsh jazz," I say, affixing a bayonet to a trombone
November 26, 2023 at 5:08 PM
If you want to give yourself a legit scare that doesn't involve blood and gore, watch the short film "The Chair" on YouTube. Incredible. But holy sh!t, I had to get up and walk around.
October 7, 2023 at 2:30 AM
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Ladies and gentlemen... the weekend.
September 22, 2023 at 11:00 PM
Happy Taco Tuesday to those who celebrate ✌️
September 19, 2023 at 10:45 PM
I can not emphasize how royally ducked we are in the socal area if Hurricane Hilary strikes with a vengeance. Why, you ask? The closest Waffle House is in Arizona.
August 19, 2023 at 4:14 AM
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Ladies and gentlemen... the weekend.
August 18, 2023 at 11:00 PM
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ATTN: STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS

Do NOT kayak the flash floods.
August 18, 2023 at 3:27 PM
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this is the fucking funniest thing i've ever read in my life
July 22, 2023 at 5:31 PM
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Babe you must be the summer of 2023 because you’re breaking all previous hotness records and scaring the shit out of everybody.
July 23, 2023 at 2:37 AM
Tomorrow begins #SharkWeek and an entire 6 days of nothing but sharks on my TV.
July 23, 2023 at 12:27 AM
First the lead singer of Rammstein...
Then the lead singer of Anti-Flag...

How hard is it to get consent?
July 20, 2023 at 10:53 PM
I don't mean to brag, but "touch grass"? Maybe for the landlocked... I prefer to touch sand. #SanDiego
July 17, 2023 at 2:04 AM
Good to see we've transitioned to the "need a plumber, the cold water side of the sink doesn't work" season on Nextdoor.
July 14, 2023 at 6:21 PM
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July 11, 2023 at 8:55 PM
And it was fabulous
July 9, 2023 at 2:04 AM
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Ladies and gentlemen... the weekend.
July 7, 2023 at 11:00 PM
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July 8, 2023 at 1:31 AM
Are we going back to Tumblr or what
July 7, 2023 at 3:49 PM
I don't know why I thought the name of the vinyl catalog website "discogs" was pronounced as one word, but here we are...
July 6, 2023 at 10:11 PM
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Every screenshot of Threads I've seen is basically

𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐳
who getting they ketch upped??
8,729 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 · 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘍𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘉𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘊𝘰𝘴𝘣𝘺
July 6, 2023 at 8:23 PM
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July 6, 2023 at 12:33 AM
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Sometimes when my phone rings, I am legitimately offended.
June 27, 2023 at 12:55 AM
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June 25, 2023 at 2:32 AM
June 23, 2023 at 9:10 PM