I never thought that much about servers never asking my wife and I if we wanted a single check until they suddenly stopped assuming that

what’s being legitimized everywhere is a freedom to be able to be a huge fucking piece of shit about whatever you want and that’s a fucking problem

I'm a very serious vinyl collector

First they came for the transgender people, and I was like, that's not the hill to die on at the moment, come on guys . . .

jesus christ what a desperate, ridiculous man

Being a gender is like being a bowl of chili.

No matter how well you do it, there will be some MFer somewhere, possibly TX, who will say "That's not chili" and want to fight about it.

Never let anyone take the joy from your chili.

Yep, that's what I thought. Thank you!

Is this the part where I stop talking and quietly accept this gift from the universe?

I lost a lot of good friends to jam band fandom

Just had a last beer and of course I needed a shot of Jameson with it. Y'all are stronger than me, all the claps.

Aww thank you ❤️

What is Mass-achoo-setts?

You don't even need this part. They're just some of the worst people America has ever.