Patsnotatweetin
@dontbemeanto.me
Astronaut, hedgehog, and avid reader of discontinued magazines
The letter W is superfluous at best and a selfish twit at worst
The letter W is superfluous at best and a selfish twit at worst
Being short at any concert.
/ ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿᵗ ˢᵉᵉ ᵃⁿʸᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ
(-_-)_-)_(-_(-_-)
/ ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿᵗ ˢᵉᵉ ᵃⁿʸᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ
(-_-)_-)_(-_(-_-)
March 25, 2025 at 9:23 PM
Being short at any concert.
/ ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿᵗ ˢᵉᵉ ᵃⁿʸᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ
(-_-)_-)_(-_(-_-)
/ ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿᵗ ˢᵉᵉ ᵃⁿʸᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ
(-_-)_-)_(-_(-_-)
On a scale of a "Elon Musk'e PR guy" to the "guy who marks the tablespoons on butter", how laid back are you?
March 25, 2025 at 9:23 PM
On a scale of a "Elon Musk'e PR guy" to the "guy who marks the tablespoons on butter", how laid back are you?
ah shit my ratatouille was a lab retread
March 20, 2025 at 12:31 AM
ah shit my ratatouille was a lab retread
Reposted by Patsnotatweetin
when canadians go poop
March 17, 2025 at 10:35 PM
when canadians go poop
on a scale of lotr the two towers and 9/11 the two towers how depraved is your meme library
March 16, 2025 at 9:37 PM
on a scale of lotr the two towers and 9/11 the two towers how depraved is your meme library
Reposted by Patsnotatweetin
date: can you take off your work gloves
Jim Henson: they have names
Jim Henson: they have names
May 1, 2023 at 12:01 PM
date: can you take off your work gloves
Jim Henson: they have names
Jim Henson: they have names
Reposted by Patsnotatweetin
friend: Our basement just flooded, we have to cancel game night.
me: *covering phone* that’s a bit extreme
genie: Two wishes left.
me: *covering phone* that’s a bit extreme
genie: Two wishes left.
March 8, 2025 at 1:48 AM
friend: Our basement just flooded, we have to cancel game night.
me: *covering phone* that’s a bit extreme
genie: Two wishes left.
me: *covering phone* that’s a bit extreme
genie: Two wishes left.
Reposted by Patsnotatweetin
At Jonestown, 906 cultists died of drinking poisoned Kool-Aid, as well as the first officer on the scene, Jeff "Don't Mind If I Do" Ramirez.
August 6, 2024 at 3:17 PM
At Jonestown, 906 cultists died of drinking poisoned Kool-Aid, as well as the first officer on the scene, Jeff "Don't Mind If I Do" Ramirez.
interviewer: can you explain these gaps in your resume?
me: umm I believe those are from the space bar
me: umm I believe those are from the space bar
March 8, 2025 at 12:19 PM
interviewer: can you explain these gaps in your resume?
me: umm I believe those are from the space bar
me: umm I believe those are from the space bar
cop: you have no idea how he came or went? what 𝙙𝙤 you remember?
me: the eyes
cop: the eyes?
me: the C̶̤̞̰͈͔̊͒̽̓́o̸̗̤̍tt̵̨͎̞̹̭̣ö̷̗̗̫͙̙͔̙͍n̵̽̀̈́͑̔ ̴̠̹͇͖͈͉͋̎ĕ̷̛̱̙̫̪͙̐y̵̧̱̍̇̑̕̚͝e̴̅̇͛̓̃͊̔s̷͚̰̙͐̓̇̔
me: the eyes
cop: the eyes?
me: the C̶̤̞̰͈͔̊͒̽̓́o̸̗̤̍tt̵̨͎̞̹̭̣ö̷̗̗̫͙̙͔̙͍n̵̽̀̈́͑̔ ̴̠̹͇͖͈͉͋̎ĕ̷̛̱̙̫̪͙̐y̵̧̱̍̇̑̕̚͝e̴̅̇͛̓̃͊̔s̷͚̰̙͐̓̇̔
March 7, 2025 at 8:32 PM
cop: you have no idea how he came or went? what 𝙙𝙤 you remember?
me: the eyes
cop: the eyes?
me: the C̶̤̞̰͈͔̊͒̽̓́o̸̗̤̍tt̵̨͎̞̹̭̣ö̷̗̗̫͙̙͔̙͍n̵̽̀̈́͑̔ ̴̠̹͇͖͈͉͋̎ĕ̷̛̱̙̫̪͙̐y̵̧̱̍̇̑̕̚͝e̴̅̇͛̓̃͊̔s̷͚̰̙͐̓̇̔
me: the eyes
cop: the eyes?
me: the C̶̤̞̰͈͔̊͒̽̓́o̸̗̤̍tt̵̨͎̞̹̭̣ö̷̗̗̫͙̙͔̙͍n̵̽̀̈́͑̔ ̴̠̹͇͖͈͉͋̎ĕ̷̛̱̙̫̪͙̐y̵̧̱̍̇̑̕̚͝e̴̅̇͛̓̃͊̔s̷͚̰̙͐̓̇̔
Reposted by Patsnotatweetin
My friend says I’m self-absorbed, so I took a long, hard look at myself. Beautiful
February 8, 2025 at 6:31 PM
My friend says I’m self-absorbed, so I took a long, hard look at myself. Beautiful
Reposted by Patsnotatweetin
BOSS: is your makeup tattooed on?
ME: yeah it's exhausting to have to put it on every single morning
BOSS: why a clown though
ME: yeah it's exhausting to have to put it on every single morning
BOSS: why a clown though
February 27, 2025 at 3:39 AM
BOSS: is your makeup tattooed on?
ME: yeah it's exhausting to have to put it on every single morning
BOSS: why a clown though
ME: yeah it's exhausting to have to put it on every single morning
BOSS: why a clown though
a dead giveaway that someone is lying is if they're in a horizontal position on the floor
March 4, 2025 at 1:08 AM
a dead giveaway that someone is lying is if they're in a horizontal position on the floor
team builder: everyone say a fun fact about themselves
guy with three arms, a horn, and a mermaid tail: im from new york
guy with three arms, a horn, and a mermaid tail: im from new york
March 4, 2025 at 1:04 AM
team builder: everyone say a fun fact about themselves
guy with three arms, a horn, and a mermaid tail: im from new york
guy with three arms, a horn, and a mermaid tail: im from new york
it's crazy that discussing sex is still considered taboo when dozens if not hundreds of people have done it
March 4, 2025 at 1:01 AM
it's crazy that discussing sex is still considered taboo when dozens if not hundreds of people have done it
Futons should be called ace sized bed the way they're both smaller and bigger than a twin
March 4, 2025 at 12:51 AM
Futons should be called ace sized bed the way they're both smaller and bigger than a twin
Wtf. Was walking my baby AT-AT and someone's Medusa just attacked it. Leash your creatures folks
February 28, 2025 at 12:16 AM
Wtf. Was walking my baby AT-AT and someone's Medusa just attacked it. Leash your creatures folks
Reposted by Patsnotatweetin
it's american citizenship, Michael. what could it cost? $5 million?
February 27, 2025 at 3:03 PM
it's american citizenship, Michael. what could it cost? $5 million?
"fuck this croissant" - guy, 30 seconds before inventing the boomerang
February 24, 2025 at 7:21 PM
"fuck this croissant" - guy, 30 seconds before inventing the boomerang
[beauty and the beast]
maid: why the hell was I turned to a feather duster cause the prince sucks?! this is some bullshit
plumber: I don't wanna hear it
that guy who nobody knows what he does: ♟️
maid: why the hell was I turned to a feather duster cause the prince sucks?! this is some bullshit
plumber: I don't wanna hear it
that guy who nobody knows what he does: ♟️
February 24, 2025 at 7:15 PM
[beauty and the beast]
maid: why the hell was I turned to a feather duster cause the prince sucks?! this is some bullshit
plumber: I don't wanna hear it
that guy who nobody knows what he does: ♟️
maid: why the hell was I turned to a feather duster cause the prince sucks?! this is some bullshit
plumber: I don't wanna hear it
that guy who nobody knows what he does: ♟️
Agent: I have a script for you.
Daniel Radcliffe: Is it weird?
Agent: Yes.
Radcliffe: I'll do it.
Daniel Radcliffe: Is it weird?
Agent: Yes.
Radcliffe: I'll do it.
February 21, 2025 at 2:46 PM
Agent: I have a script for you.
Daniel Radcliffe: Is it weird?
Agent: Yes.
Radcliffe: I'll do it.
Daniel Radcliffe: Is it weird?
Agent: Yes.
Radcliffe: I'll do it.
don corleone : we have known each other many years, but this is the first time you've come to me for counsel or for help. but let's be frank here. you never wanted my friendship. and you feared to be in my debt.
me: please I just want a new nickname
me: please I just want a new nickname
February 17, 2025 at 11:33 PM
don corleone : we have known each other many years, but this is the first time you've come to me for counsel or for help. but let's be frank here. you never wanted my friendship. and you feared to be in my debt.
me: please I just want a new nickname
me: please I just want a new nickname
We could take 100s of billions of dollars to end world hunger
OR
Here me out. We can make a chat bot that gives you bad info and tells you to jump off a bridge. Awesome right?
OR
Here me out. We can make a chat bot that gives you bad info and tells you to jump off a bridge. Awesome right?
February 16, 2025 at 8:35 PM
We could take 100s of billions of dollars to end world hunger
OR
Here me out. We can make a chat bot that gives you bad info and tells you to jump off a bridge. Awesome right?
OR
Here me out. We can make a chat bot that gives you bad info and tells you to jump off a bridge. Awesome right?
If your company is spending 100s of billions in an unprofitable product then sales aren't the point. Employee reduction is.
Software engineers building AI for these companies at best are only hurting their brothers and sisters for some billionaire to get a little richer. Fuck billionaires
Software engineers building AI for these companies at best are only hurting their brothers and sisters for some billionaire to get a little richer. Fuck billionaires
February 16, 2025 at 5:18 PM
If your company is spending 100s of billions in an unprofitable product then sales aren't the point. Employee reduction is.
Software engineers building AI for these companies at best are only hurting their brothers and sisters for some billionaire to get a little richer. Fuck billionaires
Software engineers building AI for these companies at best are only hurting their brothers and sisters for some billionaire to get a little richer. Fuck billionaires