Dan Telfer
@dantelfer.com
Stand-up Comic / Nerd Poker podcast’s Dungeon Master / Voice Over Person / former MAD Magazine & The Onion editor / currently writing games & scripts
dantelfer.com
dantelfer.com
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Weird how everyone suddenly has a “really bad cold” or “allergies are crazy” but it’s “definitely not COVID” so “it’s fine”
November 19, 2025 at 11:31 PM
Weird how everyone suddenly has a “really bad cold” or “allergies are crazy” but it’s “definitely not COVID” so “it’s fine”
I am ready to write a four-part mini-series adaptation of The Hobbit if anyone has $175 million laying around
November 17, 2025 at 10:26 PM
I am ready to write a four-part mini-series adaptation of The Hobbit if anyone has $175 million laying around
Every viral video is AI now, in case you were looking for a final reason to throw this phone of yours into the ocean
November 17, 2025 at 6:47 PM
Every viral video is AI now, in case you were looking for a final reason to throw this phone of yours into the ocean
I don’t care if the Mariah Xmas song sucks. It’s HILARIOUS
November 15, 2025 at 10:45 PM
I don’t care if the Mariah Xmas song sucks. It’s HILARIOUS
Fellas, I’m not sure what’s keeping you from going gender-fluid, but I’m 6’5” and found size 14 women’s slippers that are cozier than a mountain cabin full of warm bread dough, so you don’t get “uncomfortable shoes” as an excuse to cling to masculinity
November 12, 2025 at 9:53 PM
Fellas, I’m not sure what’s keeping you from going gender-fluid, but I’m 6’5” and found size 14 women’s slippers that are cozier than a mountain cabin full of warm bread dough, so you don’t get “uncomfortable shoes” as an excuse to cling to masculinity
Reposted by Dan Telfer
For some reason the media is not mentioning that the reason GTA6 is being delayed is they fired 40 staff over threats of unionization and now the rest of their staff are revolting
November 6, 2025 at 9:21 PM
For some reason the media is not mentioning that the reason GTA6 is being delayed is they fired 40 staff over threats of unionization and now the rest of their staff are revolting
Let’s trade in all this Harry Potter junk for a massive lore dump from the world of Kiki’s Delivery Service
November 11, 2025 at 7:21 AM
Let’s trade in all this Harry Potter junk for a massive lore dump from the world of Kiki’s Delivery Service
I prefer not to think of my budget as “in need of a GoFundMe”— I am “one random and impossibly large Venmo donation from complete solvency”. Growth mindset, y’all.
November 11, 2025 at 2:07 AM
I prefer not to think of my budget as “in need of a GoFundMe”— I am “one random and impossibly large Venmo donation from complete solvency”. Growth mindset, y’all.
I haven’t quit stand-up comedy, but about once a week a comedian at a show says “wait, you STILL do stand-up? I thought you quit!” so at least I am successfully rejecting hustle culture
November 10, 2025 at 9:47 PM
I haven’t quit stand-up comedy, but about once a week a comedian at a show says “wait, you STILL do stand-up? I thought you quit!” so at least I am successfully rejecting hustle culture
To be fair, he isn’t a weird loser in the workplace. He’s an unbearable creep. Significant difference.
Whoa they invented a word for when you’re a weird loser nobody wants to work with?
November 10, 2025 at 5:40 PM
To be fair, he isn’t a weird loser in the workplace. He’s an unbearable creep. Significant difference.
Remember when buying a lottery ticket wasn’t the most hopeful thing you could do?
November 10, 2025 at 5:19 AM
Remember when buying a lottery ticket wasn’t the most hopeful thing you could do?
Hey @larianstudios.com — you made my favorite video game ever, but the PS5 mod system corrupted all my saves and effectively broke all my stories and it sucks real bad
November 8, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Hey @larianstudios.com — you made my favorite video game ever, but the PS5 mod system corrupted all my saves and effectively broke all my stories and it sucks real bad
I still can’t believe that this dumb rich lady wrote a series of books about magic and made a website that told younger me that I was a badger but she insists there are only two genders assigned at birth
November 6, 2025 at 5:25 PM
I still can’t believe that this dumb rich lady wrote a series of books about magic and made a website that told younger me that I was a badger but she insists there are only two genders assigned at birth
Please stop giving these dorks your crossword money
F*ck off.
Here's the latest drivel from our boy Ross. The 'too many female vets' part made by head explode.
"the feminization of veterinary medicine has not led to the collapse of society, and is unlikely to do so. I think it’s basically fine, but ——"
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/06/o...
Here's the latest drivel from our boy Ross. The 'too many female vets' part made by head explode.
"the feminization of veterinary medicine has not led to the collapse of society, and is unlikely to do so. I think it’s basically fine, but ——"
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/06/o...
Opinion | Did Liberal Feminism Ruin the Workplace?
www.nytimes.com
November 6, 2025 at 5:12 PM
Please stop giving these dorks your crossword money
👏👏👏
November 5, 2025 at 11:39 PM
👏👏👏
Hey @unrivaledwbb.bsky.social — you should hire me to work on a video game. Just putting that out into the universe.
November 4, 2025 at 5:15 PM
Hey @unrivaledwbb.bsky.social — you should hire me to work on a video game. Just putting that out into the universe.
Now that health insurance is unaffordable for literally everyone I know, SURELY things will change. No? Everyone’s still somehow too preoccupied to do anything? Got it.
November 4, 2025 at 3:03 PM
Now that health insurance is unaffordable for literally everyone I know, SURELY things will change. No? Everyone’s still somehow too preoccupied to do anything? Got it.
I need a separate therapist just to deal with the fact that I was once the same age as Bart Simpson and I am now older than Homer.
November 3, 2025 at 9:58 PM
I need a separate therapist just to deal with the fact that I was once the same age as Bart Simpson and I am now older than Homer.
Teenage boys who trick-or-treat without a costume: it’s time to learn a lesson in what zero effort gets you. You get a treat, but it’s a can of warm La Croix thrown at you from twenty feet away.
November 1, 2025 at 4:42 AM
Teenage boys who trick-or-treat without a costume: it’s time to learn a lesson in what zero effort gets you. You get a treat, but it’s a can of warm La Croix thrown at you from twenty feet away.
Explain to me why we don't have free food and no cops instead
(PS: don't explain it to me, I know)
(PS: don't explain it to me, I know)
California police boost patrols at grocery stores as millions set to lose SNAP benefits
California police boost patrols at grocery stores as millions set to lose SNAP benefits
www.foxla.com
October 30, 2025 at 1:34 AM
Explain to me why we don't have free food and no cops instead
(PS: don't explain it to me, I know)
(PS: don't explain it to me, I know)
Movie pitch: Matt Berry
October 30, 2025 at 1:32 AM
Movie pitch: Matt Berry
I miss good websites. All websites are now trash. I would trade every last app for a new homestarrunner.com
October 29, 2025 at 6:54 PM
I miss good websites. All websites are now trash. I would trade every last app for a new homestarrunner.com
Save some revulsion for the proud liars who promised to protect you
October 28, 2025 at 10:58 PM
Save some revulsion for the proud liars who promised to protect you
I am celebrating the anti-capitalist themes of Outer Worlds 2 by not downloading it until I can get a free streamer / industry copy
October 28, 2025 at 7:32 PM
I am celebrating the anti-capitalist themes of Outer Worlds 2 by not downloading it until I can get a free streamer / industry copy