Dan Telfer
@dantelfer.com
Stand-up Comic / @darkestwhimsy.com’s Dungeon Master / Voice Over Person / former MAD Magazine & The Onion editor / currently writing games & scripts
dantelfer.com
dantelfer.com
Pinned
Not sure how I feel about Apple focusing all of their R&D behind “buttons to turn on new features you hate that randomly appear on your screen while you’re tapping something else”
February 12, 2026 at 10:30 PM
Not sure how I feel about Apple focusing all of their R&D behind “buttons to turn on new features you hate that randomly appear on your screen while you’re tapping something else”
Follow my new show @darkestwhimsy.bsky.social on BackerKit! I'm so very stoked for y'all to see what we're recording. The more folks who follow, the more feeds we get shown to! www.backerkit.com/call_to_acti...
Get Ready for Darkest Whimsy - A TTRPG Podcast
From Dan Telfer - Get Ready for Darkest Whimsy - A TTRPG Podcast
www.backerkit.com
February 12, 2026 at 7:33 PM
Follow my new show @darkestwhimsy.bsky.social on BackerKit! I'm so very stoked for y'all to see what we're recording. The more folks who follow, the more feeds we get shown to! www.backerkit.com/call_to_acti...
Me:
Please stop stabbing me.
The Latest Incredible AI Model:
Here is a serrated blade, plunged deep into your torso, puncturing three vital organs. Would you like me to make a checklist to keep track of all the ways you love having me stab you?
Please stop stabbing me.
The Latest Incredible AI Model:
Here is a serrated blade, plunged deep into your torso, puncturing three vital organs. Would you like me to make a checklist to keep track of all the ways you love having me stab you?
February 10, 2026 at 5:20 PM
Me:
Please stop stabbing me.
The Latest Incredible AI Model:
Here is a serrated blade, plunged deep into your torso, puncturing three vital organs. Would you like me to make a checklist to keep track of all the ways you love having me stab you?
Please stop stabbing me.
The Latest Incredible AI Model:
Here is a serrated blade, plunged deep into your torso, puncturing three vital organs. Would you like me to make a checklist to keep track of all the ways you love having me stab you?
I still don’t know what teams were in the Super Bowl, but I can tell you every detail of Green Day’s opening set
February 9, 2026 at 8:32 PM
I still don’t know what teams were in the Super Bowl, but I can tell you every detail of Green Day’s opening set
I cannot explain it
I have been a vegetarian my entire adult life and I like it
And I like the taste of Field Roast veggie sausages
But if I eat more than one I get extremely nauseous
I can’t find a unique ingredient
These plant-based sausages are guaranteed to be haunted, just a heads up
I have been a vegetarian my entire adult life and I like it
And I like the taste of Field Roast veggie sausages
But if I eat more than one I get extremely nauseous
I can’t find a unique ingredient
These plant-based sausages are guaranteed to be haunted, just a heads up
February 7, 2026 at 6:25 AM
I cannot explain it
I have been a vegetarian my entire adult life and I like it
And I like the taste of Field Roast veggie sausages
But if I eat more than one I get extremely nauseous
I can’t find a unique ingredient
These plant-based sausages are guaranteed to be haunted, just a heads up
I have been a vegetarian my entire adult life and I like it
And I like the taste of Field Roast veggie sausages
But if I eat more than one I get extremely nauseous
I can’t find a unique ingredient
These plant-based sausages are guaranteed to be haunted, just a heads up
Reposted by Dan Telfer
The show stars @kyleayers.bsky.social , @chelseathepope.bsky.social , @lauralaham.bsky.social , and @theselenaprice.bsky.social along with DM
@dantelfer.com
@dantelfer.com
February 4, 2026 at 9:16 PM
The show stars @kyleayers.bsky.social , @chelseathepope.bsky.social , @lauralaham.bsky.social , and @theselenaprice.bsky.social along with DM
@dantelfer.com
@dantelfer.com
Reposted by Dan Telfer
Introducing Darkest Whimsy! A new TTRPG podcast from @dantelfer.com
We’re launching our @backerkit.com campaign in less than a WEEK! You can support this show, made locally here in Los Angeles 100% by humans, simply sign up become a supporter 💪 darkestwhimsy.com
We’re launching our @backerkit.com campaign in less than a WEEK! You can support this show, made locally here in Los Angeles 100% by humans, simply sign up become a supporter 💪 darkestwhimsy.com
February 4, 2026 at 9:11 PM
Introducing Darkest Whimsy! A new TTRPG podcast from @dantelfer.com
We’re launching our @backerkit.com campaign in less than a WEEK! You can support this show, made locally here in Los Angeles 100% by humans, simply sign up become a supporter 💪 darkestwhimsy.com
We’re launching our @backerkit.com campaign in less than a WEEK! You can support this show, made locally here in Los Angeles 100% by humans, simply sign up become a supporter 💪 darkestwhimsy.com
I don’t miss dating so much as I miss going to the grocery store with a partner.
I can either remember beans, or I can remember tortillas. I will never remember both.
This is the only thing I grieve on the buildup to Valentine’s Day. Intentional home tacos.
I can either remember beans, or I can remember tortillas. I will never remember both.
This is the only thing I grieve on the buildup to Valentine’s Day. Intentional home tacos.
February 3, 2026 at 10:08 PM
I don’t miss dating so much as I miss going to the grocery store with a partner.
I can either remember beans, or I can remember tortillas. I will never remember both.
This is the only thing I grieve on the buildup to Valentine’s Day. Intentional home tacos.
I can either remember beans, or I can remember tortillas. I will never remember both.
This is the only thing I grieve on the buildup to Valentine’s Day. Intentional home tacos.
If you have an app or website that includes an AI “helper” you should know that it has helped no-one and everyone hates your service because of it
February 2, 2026 at 10:46 PM
If you have an app or website that includes an AI “helper” you should know that it has helped no-one and everyone hates your service because of it
The thing about pronouns is they are the absolute bare fuckin minimum of respect you can show a person, and a big reason they got any focus at all is because queer people were like “welp we may as well try and throw these lazy regressive people a bone and suggest pronouns”
They are not “hard.”
They are not “hard.”
February 2, 2026 at 8:39 PM
The thing about pronouns is they are the absolute bare fuckin minimum of respect you can show a person, and a big reason they got any focus at all is because queer people were like “welp we may as well try and throw these lazy regressive people a bone and suggest pronouns”
They are not “hard.”
They are not “hard.”
Sometimes I get really frustrated that I was laid off by my last salaried job three years ago.
Then I remember that they laid me off over Zoom, on the weekend, while I was in the back of a Lyft, when they knew I was on my way to speak at my friend’s memorial.
I don’t miss that employer so much.
Then I remember that they laid me off over Zoom, on the weekend, while I was in the back of a Lyft, when they knew I was on my way to speak at my friend’s memorial.
I don’t miss that employer so much.
January 31, 2026 at 4:42 AM
Sometimes I get really frustrated that I was laid off by my last salaried job three years ago.
Then I remember that they laid me off over Zoom, on the weekend, while I was in the back of a Lyft, when they knew I was on my way to speak at my friend’s memorial.
I don’t miss that employer so much.
Then I remember that they laid me off over Zoom, on the weekend, while I was in the back of a Lyft, when they knew I was on my way to speak at my friend’s memorial.
I don’t miss that employer so much.
now calm down, everyone, we have to reign in Emperor Palpatine through the proper channels
January 29, 2026 at 11:21 PM
now calm down, everyone, we have to reign in Emperor Palpatine through the proper channels
Reposted by Dan Telfer
NEW: Liam Conejo Ramos, the 5-year-old who ICE agents in Minneapolis nabbed last week and shipped off to a Texas detention facility with his dad, is now in poor health, his school superintendent told me today www.huffpost.com/entry/liam-c...
5-Year-Old in ICE Detention Is Sick, Says Top School Official
The 5-year-old who was taken by federal agents in Minneapolis is being held behind bars with his father in Texas.
www.huffpost.com
January 28, 2026 at 9:59 PM
NEW: Liam Conejo Ramos, the 5-year-old who ICE agents in Minneapolis nabbed last week and shipped off to a Texas detention facility with his dad, is now in poor health, his school superintendent told me today www.huffpost.com/entry/liam-c...
Her 2: Arguing With AI About Why They Keep Adding And Removing Columns From A Tax Spreadsheet When Asked Not To
January 28, 2026 at 9:06 PM
Her 2: Arguing With AI About Why They Keep Adding And Removing Columns From A Tax Spreadsheet When Asked Not To
In May I will be 10 years cancer free, and I would be a lot more enthused if America wasn’t in Stage 4b
January 28, 2026 at 2:58 AM
In May I will be 10 years cancer free, and I would be a lot more enthused if America wasn’t in Stage 4b
Remember to take down your government- oops I meant Christmas tree- before it burns your house to the ground
January 27, 2026 at 7:43 PM
Remember to take down your government- oops I meant Christmas tree- before it burns your house to the ground
Some of y’all have a lot more power within this nightmare than you think you do—
- Make and share food
- Give tenants a break on rent / utilities
- Offer to walk people to and from cars
- Be willing to sit & listen
- Examine your boundaries so you can give with more kindness, safety, and confidence
- Make and share food
- Give tenants a break on rent / utilities
- Offer to walk people to and from cars
- Be willing to sit & listen
- Examine your boundaries so you can give with more kindness, safety, and confidence
January 25, 2026 at 7:50 PM
Some of y’all have a lot more power within this nightmare than you think you do—
- Make and share food
- Give tenants a break on rent / utilities
- Offer to walk people to and from cars
- Be willing to sit & listen
- Examine your boundaries so you can give with more kindness, safety, and confidence
- Make and share food
- Give tenants a break on rent / utilities
- Offer to walk people to and from cars
- Be willing to sit & listen
- Examine your boundaries so you can give with more kindness, safety, and confidence
Don’t sleep on Fionna & Cake, nerds.
It’s as if the writers not only watched every episode of Adventure Time together, but they also team-binged Fleabag and watched Bottoms as a chaser.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
It’s as if the writers not only watched every episode of Adventure Time together, but they also team-binged Fleabag and watched Bottoms as a chaser.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
January 23, 2026 at 11:36 PM
Don’t sleep on Fionna & Cake, nerds.
It’s as if the writers not only watched every episode of Adventure Time together, but they also team-binged Fleabag and watched Bottoms as a chaser.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
It’s as if the writers not only watched every episode of Adventure Time together, but they also team-binged Fleabag and watched Bottoms as a chaser.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I often think about how if we called it “educating” A.I. it would get defunded completely
January 23, 2026 at 9:20 PM
I often think about how if we called it “educating” A.I. it would get defunded completely
There’s suddenly so many “moderate” comedians.
It’s a handy reminder that the specific term “stand-up” may be from earlier, but it was largely popularized as a jokey label that the mob would give comedians when they performed under hostile conditions.
“He’s a stand-up guy.”
AKA mafia bootlicker 🤷
It’s a handy reminder that the specific term “stand-up” may be from earlier, but it was largely popularized as a jokey label that the mob would give comedians when they performed under hostile conditions.
“He’s a stand-up guy.”
AKA mafia bootlicker 🤷
January 23, 2026 at 8:39 PM
There’s suddenly so many “moderate” comedians.
It’s a handy reminder that the specific term “stand-up” may be from earlier, but it was largely popularized as a jokey label that the mob would give comedians when they performed under hostile conditions.
“He’s a stand-up guy.”
AKA mafia bootlicker 🤷
It’s a handy reminder that the specific term “stand-up” may be from earlier, but it was largely popularized as a jokey label that the mob would give comedians when they performed under hostile conditions.
“He’s a stand-up guy.”
AKA mafia bootlicker 🤷
I get that the reviews are good, but I still can’t believe they named the movie 28 Years Later: Welcome To The Bone Zone
January 22, 2026 at 6:41 AM
I get that the reviews are good, but I still can’t believe they named the movie 28 Years Later: Welcome To The Bone Zone
Hey hey sup y'all? Did you know the US might announce they're invading Greenland tomorrow, and that Europe promised to go to war with the US if they do? Kinda slipped through my usual news feed, so I thought I would give the big Telfer in-crowd a friendly heads up! www.forbes.com/sites/mikest...
Greenland PM Says Invasion ‘Can’t Be Ruled Out’ (Live Updates)
European leaders are criticizing President Donald Trump and his proposed tariffs, pledging solidarity with Greenland at the World Economic Forum.
www.forbes.com
January 21, 2026 at 4:49 AM
Hey hey sup y'all? Did you know the US might announce they're invading Greenland tomorrow, and that Europe promised to go to war with the US if they do? Kinda slipped through my usual news feed, so I thought I would give the big Telfer in-crowd a friendly heads up! www.forbes.com/sites/mikest...
Democrats are people who ignore the primaries and Republicans are people who think the Constitution just says “have lively debates”
January 20, 2026 at 11:35 PM
Democrats are people who ignore the primaries and Republicans are people who think the Constitution just says “have lively debates”
Just because you don’t have the patience or wisdom to get to know someone doesn’t mean their identity is fake. It means you are impatient and/or dumb.
January 20, 2026 at 7:55 AM
Just because you don’t have the patience or wisdom to get to know someone doesn’t mean their identity is fake. It means you are impatient and/or dumb.
“Why doesn’t anyone have compassion for me?!”
— all psychopaths and sociopaths
— all psychopaths and sociopaths
January 16, 2026 at 1:54 AM
“Why doesn’t anyone have compassion for me?!”
— all psychopaths and sociopaths
— all psychopaths and sociopaths