Cam
@cam.rocks
Cesspool @of_a_genepool in a past life.
A seagull once stole my Big Mac. 🍔 🦅
Slowly, we rebuild: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:c4yb4zqat3moh4oduxgp2gmf/feed/aaaghmnmev7dk
A seagull once stole my Big Mac. 🍔 🦅
Slowly, we rebuild: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:c4yb4zqat3moh4oduxgp2gmf/feed/aaaghmnmev7dk
Pinned
Cam
@cam.rocks
· Sep 7
Help Desk: Would you like your confirmation number?
Me: sure
Help Desk: Great, it’s R7X395MM
Me, writing absolutely nothing down: great thanks
Me: sure
Help Desk: Great, it’s R7X395MM
Me, writing absolutely nothing down: great thanks
To call these written at a snails pace would be an insult to snails, but here’s another one.
open.substack.com/pub/camwise/...
open.substack.com/pub/camwise/...
March 24, 2025 at 1:35 PM
To call these written at a snails pace would be an insult to snails, but here’s another one.
open.substack.com/pub/camwise/...
open.substack.com/pub/camwise/...
when an AI support chat bot says “that sounds frustrating for you to be experiencing” I want to karate chop the entirety of Silicon Valley
January 15, 2025 at 7:29 PM
when an AI support chat bot says “that sounds frustrating for you to be experiencing” I want to karate chop the entirety of Silicon Valley
PIXAR EXEC: What’s your pitch?
ME: So, Disney on Ice has been a wild success for years. I propose we take it to the next level.
EXEC: Go on...
ME: *revealing green tights under clothes* ˢʰʳᵉᵏ ᵈᵘ ˢᵒˡᵉᶦˡ
ME: So, Disney on Ice has been a wild success for years. I propose we take it to the next level.
EXEC: Go on...
ME: *revealing green tights under clothes* ˢʰʳᵉᵏ ᵈᵘ ˢᵒˡᵉᶦˡ
January 9, 2025 at 7:47 PM
PIXAR EXEC: What’s your pitch?
ME: So, Disney on Ice has been a wild success for years. I propose we take it to the next level.
EXEC: Go on...
ME: *revealing green tights under clothes* ˢʰʳᵉᵏ ᵈᵘ ˢᵒˡᵉᶦˡ
ME: So, Disney on Ice has been a wild success for years. I propose we take it to the next level.
EXEC: Go on...
ME: *revealing green tights under clothes* ˢʰʳᵉᵏ ᵈᵘ ˢᵒˡᵉᶦˡ
Reposted by Cam
i was there gandalf. i was there 3000 years ago. shit was poppin’.
January 8, 2025 at 2:19 PM
i was there gandalf. i was there 3000 years ago. shit was poppin’.
The perfect pillow is always thicker than your current pillow, but less thick than your current pillow folded in half. That’s just science.
January 8, 2025 at 1:45 PM
The perfect pillow is always thicker than your current pillow, but less thick than your current pillow folded in half. That’s just science.
Reposted by Cam
Engineer 1: How deep should we make the shelves in this shower wall?
Engineer 2: Barely deep enough to hold the shampoo, but shallow enough for a rogue current of air to send the shelf’s contents plummeting onto a person's toes.
Engineer 1: You read my mind.
Engineer 2: Barely deep enough to hold the shampoo, but shallow enough for a rogue current of air to send the shelf’s contents plummeting onto a person's toes.
Engineer 1: You read my mind.
January 5, 2025 at 9:01 PM
Engineer 1: How deep should we make the shelves in this shower wall?
Engineer 2: Barely deep enough to hold the shampoo, but shallow enough for a rogue current of air to send the shelf’s contents plummeting onto a person's toes.
Engineer 1: You read my mind.
Engineer 2: Barely deep enough to hold the shampoo, but shallow enough for a rogue current of air to send the shelf’s contents plummeting onto a person's toes.
Engineer 1: You read my mind.
I can’t tell if I just witnessed a riveting production of Romeo and Juliet in the park, or a joint suicide.
January 7, 2025 at 7:56 PM
I can’t tell if I just witnessed a riveting production of Romeo and Juliet in the park, or a joint suicide.
Reposted by Cam
Restroom walls are the great equalizer.
It’s the only place you’ll see Walt Whitman quoted directly alongside Kid Rock.
It’s the only place you’ll see Walt Whitman quoted directly alongside Kid Rock.
January 5, 2025 at 5:09 AM
Restroom walls are the great equalizer.
It’s the only place you’ll see Walt Whitman quoted directly alongside Kid Rock.
It’s the only place you’ll see Walt Whitman quoted directly alongside Kid Rock.
For everyone aiming to be happier in 2025, stop relying on others for your happiness.
Also, buy a knockoff roomba and cheer it on as it swoops around the house while you drink champagne.
Also, buy a knockoff roomba and cheer it on as it swoops around the house while you drink champagne.
January 6, 2025 at 9:35 PM
For everyone aiming to be happier in 2025, stop relying on others for your happiness.
Also, buy a knockoff roomba and cheer it on as it swoops around the house while you drink champagne.
Also, buy a knockoff roomba and cheer it on as it swoops around the house while you drink champagne.
Engineer 1: How deep should we make the shelves in this shower wall?
Engineer 2: Barely deep enough to hold the shampoo, but shallow enough for a rogue current of air to send the shelf’s contents plummeting onto a person's toes.
Engineer 1: You read my mind.
Engineer 2: Barely deep enough to hold the shampoo, but shallow enough for a rogue current of air to send the shelf’s contents plummeting onto a person's toes.
Engineer 1: You read my mind.
January 5, 2025 at 9:01 PM
Engineer 1: How deep should we make the shelves in this shower wall?
Engineer 2: Barely deep enough to hold the shampoo, but shallow enough for a rogue current of air to send the shelf’s contents plummeting onto a person's toes.
Engineer 1: You read my mind.
Engineer 2: Barely deep enough to hold the shampoo, but shallow enough for a rogue current of air to send the shelf’s contents plummeting onto a person's toes.
Engineer 1: You read my mind.
Restroom walls are the great equalizer.
It’s the only place you’ll see Walt Whitman quoted directly alongside Kid Rock.
It’s the only place you’ll see Walt Whitman quoted directly alongside Kid Rock.
January 5, 2025 at 5:09 AM
Restroom walls are the great equalizer.
It’s the only place you’ll see Walt Whitman quoted directly alongside Kid Rock.
It’s the only place you’ll see Walt Whitman quoted directly alongside Kid Rock.
A man went to call me “buddy” and “big guy” at the same time and accidentally called me “big buddy” and I can’t stop thinking about it.
January 3, 2025 at 3:03 PM
A man went to call me “buddy” and “big guy” at the same time and accidentally called me “big buddy” and I can’t stop thinking about it.
My only New Year’s resolution each year is to not die. That way I’ll only know defeat once.
January 1, 2025 at 3:56 PM
My only New Year’s resolution each year is to not die. That way I’ll only know defeat once.
[first day at work]
Boss: Today you’ll shadow Gary and he’ll give you the lay of the land
Me: I’m flattered but I’m seeing someone
Boss: Today you’ll shadow Gary and he’ll give you the lay of the land
Me: I’m flattered but I’m seeing someone
December 26, 2024 at 10:37 PM
[first day at work]
Boss: Today you’ll shadow Gary and he’ll give you the lay of the land
Me: I’m flattered but I’m seeing someone
Boss: Today you’ll shadow Gary and he’ll give you the lay of the land
Me: I’m flattered but I’m seeing someone
Talking about the animals in the room when the conversation lulls is the polite aperitif before the next conversational morsel arrives
December 22, 2024 at 5:35 PM
Talking about the animals in the room when the conversation lulls is the polite aperitif before the next conversational morsel arrives
Reposted by Cam
December, 34 AD:
“I miss Jesus.”
“I’m gonna bring a tree into the house. He would’ve loved that shit.”
“I miss Jesus.”
“I’m gonna bring a tree into the house. He would’ve loved that shit.”
December 21, 2024 at 6:47 PM
December, 34 AD:
“I miss Jesus.”
“I’m gonna bring a tree into the house. He would’ve loved that shit.”
“I miss Jesus.”
“I’m gonna bring a tree into the house. He would’ve loved that shit.”
Reposted by Cam
The one time I tried to put reindeer antlers on my cat she said the word "don't" in a normal human voice. Too afraid to recreate this under lab conditions.
December 18, 2024 at 9:36 PM
The one time I tried to put reindeer antlers on my cat she said the word "don't" in a normal human voice. Too afraid to recreate this under lab conditions.
I’m so inescapably white that I’ve called Lil’ John, “Little John”. You know, like Robin Hood.
December 18, 2024 at 7:55 PM
I’m so inescapably white that I’ve called Lil’ John, “Little John”. You know, like Robin Hood.
the fifth type of taste is umami but the sixth is ayepapi
December 11, 2024 at 5:06 PM
the fifth type of taste is umami but the sixth is ayepapi
Reposted by Cam
*watching James Blunt mouth "not you" to me after singing You're Beautiful in concert*
December 4, 2024 at 2:00 PM
*watching James Blunt mouth "not you" to me after singing You're Beautiful in concert*
Reposted by Cam
secret santa at the cia prolly goes hard as hell
December 4, 2024 at 9:07 PM
secret santa at the cia prolly goes hard as hell
Leaving the travel tags on your backpack or luggage is the adult equivalent of leaving the concert X's on your hands in high school.
"Oh, these? It's nothing, I'm just well traveled."
"Oh, these? It's nothing, I'm just well traveled."
December 3, 2024 at 5:34 PM
Leaving the travel tags on your backpack or luggage is the adult equivalent of leaving the concert X's on your hands in high school.
"Oh, these? It's nothing, I'm just well traveled."
"Oh, these? It's nothing, I'm just well traveled."
Reposted by Cam
claustrophobia is so stupid. let Santa get married.
December 2, 2024 at 2:04 PM
claustrophobia is so stupid. let Santa get married.