"Today's music is so inappropriate."

That's coming from someone who knows 50cent's Candy Shop word for word.

Me. I am that someone.

Field reporter: Bob, the mood is somber here. I'm hoping to talk to anyone who can tell us more about this tragedy.

Bee Gees: *clear throats*

Planning a trip to The Internet? Learn this handy phrase before you go:

"I do not have the required background to form opinions on this topic"

The leftover parts from the kitty factory....
linktr.ee/kitty_calicoo

Him: I’ve loved you ever since the moment I first laid eyes on you
Me: how awful for you

shoutout to the lady at the corner store who

complimented my shirt

said “i’m not staring at your tits i’m just trying to read the shirt”

stared for a while

then said “low key i was staring at your tits, they’re great”

have you considered just becoming a leaf one day

Mentally I'm the chicken from Moana

Just out here tryna make spoons work.

When the antidepressant hit