Zach Heltzel
@zachheltzel.bsky.social
Academy Award winning writer and director of SWIMFAN.
Guess this means I’m neurotypical :(
I *know* I shouldn’t share the NYPost but I got served this BUTT PHRENOLOGY article
!!!!
And people should know that we have entered the era of BUTT PHRENOLOGY
!!!!
!!!!
And people should know that we have entered the era of BUTT PHRENOLOGY
!!!!
How a bigger-looking butt could be a sneaky sign of autism and ADHD
Your backside might reveal a thing or two about your brain.
nypost.com
December 28, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Guess this means I’m neurotypical :(
Reposted by Zach Heltzel
If enough of us THUMBS UP Arli$$ they have to bring it back
HBOMAX FINALLY ADDED THE THUMBS DOWN FEATURE, YOU CAN THUMBS DOWN BILL MAHER NOW
December 27, 2025 at 6:22 AM
If enough of us THUMBS UP Arli$$ they have to bring it back
Watching Metropolitan. Still a five bagger. Either this or Last Days of Disco is the best movie ever made by a Republican.
December 27, 2025 at 6:02 AM
Watching Metropolitan. Still a five bagger. Either this or Last Days of Disco is the best movie ever made by a Republican.
Reposted by Zach Heltzel
It really does feel like right wingers overplayed their hand on this. "This" could apply to a whole lot of shit but they especially put up one too many heat checks in their response to his death. Now here we are with Erika Kirk videos getting dubbed with Batista's theme song because of the pyro
charlie kirk has become a meme among brazillian teenagers. total cultural humiliation
December 26, 2025 at 11:24 PM
It really does feel like right wingers overplayed their hand on this. "This" could apply to a whole lot of shit but they especially put up one too many heat checks in their response to his death. Now here we are with Erika Kirk videos getting dubbed with Batista's theme song because of the pyro
Reposted by Zach Heltzel
YouGov "Is a transgender woman a woman?" among 18-29
"Agree" - 51% (+11 from Jan 2025)
this is less than a year in and we're almost back to peak woke
Woke 2.0 is going places you can't even imagine
"Agree" - 51% (+11 from Jan 2025)
this is less than a year in and we're almost back to peak woke
Woke 2.0 is going places you can't even imagine
December 26, 2025 at 8:03 PM
YouGov "Is a transgender woman a woman?" among 18-29
"Agree" - 51% (+11 from Jan 2025)
this is less than a year in and we're almost back to peak woke
Woke 2.0 is going places you can't even imagine
"Agree" - 51% (+11 from Jan 2025)
this is less than a year in and we're almost back to peak woke
Woke 2.0 is going places you can't even imagine
Reposted by Zach Heltzel
will the Abundance Agenda save the failing Christmas tree farm of the guy who won’t stop negging me?
December 25, 2025 at 10:40 PM
will the Abundance Agenda save the failing Christmas tree farm of the guy who won’t stop negging me?
NORAD wouldn’t spend all that money on being able to triangulate Santa’s position just for fun. They are hunting him.
December 25, 2025 at 5:48 AM
NORAD wouldn’t spend all that money on being able to triangulate Santa’s position just for fun. They are hunting him.
I lowkey wanna get Pluribus’d
December 24, 2025 at 6:59 PM
I lowkey wanna get Pluribus’d
The Biden administration was so “above politics” that they forgot politics is literally their job.
I will never ever ever understand how the Biden administration had all this nuclear-level dirt on Trump and didn't pull the ripcord. You can try to explain it but it will never make sense.
December 24, 2025 at 5:42 PM
The Biden administration was so “above politics” that they forgot politics is literally their job.
Don’t get into a long-running gift war with @brockwilbur.bsky.social because he will commit to a bit harder than you could ever possibly imagine.
December 24, 2025 at 1:40 AM
Don’t get into a long-running gift war with @brockwilbur.bsky.social because he will commit to a bit harder than you could ever possibly imagine.
James Cameron really saw the whales fucking up those yachts and thought “I’m gonna do the funniest thing ever”
December 23, 2025 at 5:51 PM
James Cameron really saw the whales fucking up those yachts and thought “I’m gonna do the funniest thing ever”
pitch: BetterHelp Wrapped
December 23, 2025 at 5:17 AM
pitch: BetterHelp Wrapped
might fuck around and write a book of essays over winter break
December 23, 2025 at 4:06 AM
might fuck around and write a book of essays over winter break
Don’t get mad at me but this is the easiest Fuck Marry Kill I’ve ever seen
December 22, 2025 at 3:10 AM
Don’t get mad at me but this is the easiest Fuck Marry Kill I’ve ever seen
Social media is rapidly devolving into just being several disjointed group chats and Instagram Stories.
December 22, 2025 at 3:05 AM
Social media is rapidly devolving into just being several disjointed group chats and Instagram Stories.
Some personal news: I think everyone was wrong about A Big Bold Beautiful Journey.
December 22, 2025 at 2:59 AM
Some personal news: I think everyone was wrong about A Big Bold Beautiful Journey.
Reposted by Zach Heltzel
i would bet money you could detect gay accent in morse code
December 20, 2025 at 4:18 AM
i would bet money you could detect gay accent in morse code
Reposted by Zach Heltzel
Sorry if this is a bit personal but does this shit make anyone else feel completely fucking insane
December 20, 2025 at 2:25 AM
Sorry if this is a bit personal but does this shit make anyone else feel completely fucking insane
Fork found in kitchen
December 20, 2025 at 12:45 AM
Fork found in kitchen
Reposted by Zach Heltzel
This studio awards-season email is really matching the current mood in a way I’m not sure they intended.
December 19, 2025 at 11:36 PM
This studio awards-season email is really matching the current mood in a way I’m not sure they intended.
Reposted by Zach Heltzel
Reposted by Zach Heltzel
As a huge fan of ███████ I feel gutted right now. Just an absolute betrayal of everything I thought ███████ stood for.
December 19, 2025 at 11:36 PM
As a huge fan of ███████ I feel gutted right now. Just an absolute betrayal of everything I thought ███████ stood for.
It’s the most annoying time of the year to know me (White Lotus casting announcement season)
December 19, 2025 at 11:19 PM
It’s the most annoying time of the year to know me (White Lotus casting announcement season)
Reposted by Zach Heltzel
"megachurches are shen yun for white people" is an incredible and damning true statement
for all people make fun of falun gong, it's wild how much this is basically the same thing as shen yun
December 19, 2025 at 11:08 PM
"megachurches are shen yun for white people" is an incredible and damning true statement