Willie Fitzgerald
@williefitz.bsky.social
Mr. Lunch
Writer, editor, galoot. Stories in Joyland, Boulevard, StoryQuarterly and elsewhere. Senior Editor at American Short Fiction.
Writer, editor, galoot. Stories in Joyland, Boulevard, StoryQuarterly and elsewhere. Senior Editor at American Short Fiction.
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard
November 9, 2025 at 3:10 PM
second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
SOCRATES: No god is a philosopher or seeker after wisdom, for he is wise already; nor does any man who is wise seek after wisdom.
PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.
DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers
PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.
DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers
November 8, 2025 at 1:45 AM
SOCRATES: No god is a philosopher or seeker after wisdom, for he is wise already; nor does any man who is wise seek after wisdom.
PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.
DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers
PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.
DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers
increasingly feel like Ray seeing Cartilage Head any time I see one of Musk's searingly pathetic posts. there has never been a lonelier guy, nor someone more deserving of it
November 8, 2025 at 5:07 PM
increasingly feel like Ray seeing Cartilage Head any time I see one of Musk's searingly pathetic posts. there has never been a lonelier guy, nor someone more deserving of it
banned from italy for "centi anni" for saying their pasta should be categorized as "line, tube, weird tube, and other"
November 6, 2025 at 5:28 PM
banned from italy for "centi anni" for saying their pasta should be categorized as "line, tube, weird tube, and other"
ezra klein and ross douthat have found success by embodying powerful pundit archetypes: the Insufferable Nephew and Old Uncle Ogre
November 6, 2025 at 3:00 PM
ezra klein and ross douthat have found success by embodying powerful pundit archetypes: the Insufferable Nephew and Old Uncle Ogre
yeah lemme get uhhhhhhh cchinges ... and — ah damn is the shloske machine broken again
mmmm my favorite mcdonald’s food, Dore, Caprer, and a side of Cchinges
November 5, 2025 at 9:24 PM
yeah lemme get uhhhhhhh cchinges ... and — ah damn is the shloske machine broken again
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
My god… this sandwich… it’s made of pure lunch
November 5, 2025 at 5:31 PM
My god… this sandwich… it’s made of pure lunch
bart harley jarvis for sale on fb marketplace
November 5, 2025 at 5:44 PM
bart harley jarvis for sale on fb marketplace
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
ANUBIS: (presses button with paw) [guilty]
OSIRIS: im sorry he does this when he's hungry
ANUBIS: (button) [guilty] [bad] [food]
OSIRIS: you already ate
ANUBIS: (button) [bad] [bad] [bad]
OSIRIS: he's right though we weighed your heart against the feather and its not looking good
OSIRIS: im sorry he does this when he's hungry
ANUBIS: (button) [guilty] [bad] [food]
OSIRIS: you already ate
ANUBIS: (button) [bad] [bad] [bad]
OSIRIS: he's right though we weighed your heart against the feather and its not looking good
November 2, 2025 at 12:23 PM
ANUBIS: (presses button with paw) [guilty]
OSIRIS: im sorry he does this when he's hungry
ANUBIS: (button) [guilty] [bad] [food]
OSIRIS: you already ate
ANUBIS: (button) [bad] [bad] [bad]
OSIRIS: he's right though we weighed your heart against the feather and its not looking good
OSIRIS: im sorry he does this when he's hungry
ANUBIS: (button) [guilty] [bad] [food]
OSIRIS: you already ate
ANUBIS: (button) [bad] [bad] [bad]
OSIRIS: he's right though we weighed your heart against the feather and its not looking good
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
The Amazing World Of Tomorrow
November 3, 2025 at 6:48 PM
The Amazing World Of Tomorrow
until the 90s, they couldn't render asses in video games. until a little guy named sonic changed everything
October 31, 2025 at 10:13 PM
until the 90s, they couldn't render asses in video games. until a little guy named sonic changed everything
i don't think of it as a job—it's more of a hand vocation
October 31, 2025 at 6:17 PM
i don't think of it as a job—it's more of a hand vocation
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
happy halloween i am ready to confuse some trick-or-treaters
October 31, 2025 at 1:19 PM
happy halloween i am ready to confuse some trick-or-treaters
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
Political experts paint an increasingly dire picture. They expect that by 2035 the US will turn into a lawless wasteland called the Battlerealm. Their analysis predicts everyone will fight to obtain Skaxx, a street drug that makes you good at karate
October 30, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Political experts paint an increasingly dire picture. They expect that by 2035 the US will turn into a lawless wasteland called the Battlerealm. Their analysis predicts everyone will fight to obtain Skaxx, a street drug that makes you good at karate
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
legolas…what do your lived experiences tell you
October 29, 2025 at 11:44 PM
legolas…what do your lived experiences tell you
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
(back at the ol’ ant colony)
BREATHLESS ANT: Sir, I encountered the giant! She launched me into the grass and thought “vaya con Dios” at me. That’s why I’m 6–8 hours late
BREATHLESS ANT: Sir, I encountered the giant! She launched me into the grass and thought “vaya con Dios” at me. That’s why I’m 6–8 hours late
July 27, 2023 at 11:59 AM
(back at the ol’ ant colony)
BREATHLESS ANT: Sir, I encountered the giant! She launched me into the grass and thought “vaya con Dios” at me. That’s why I’m 6–8 hours late
BREATHLESS ANT: Sir, I encountered the giant! She launched me into the grass and thought “vaya con Dios” at me. That’s why I’m 6–8 hours late
baseball fans the world over are describing tonight's contest as having an electric "going back for more olive" energy. "oh god," said one local fan. "i have a family. cmon like. like please don't do this."
October 28, 2025 at 11:40 PM
baseball fans the world over are describing tonight's contest as having an electric "going back for more olive" energy. "oh god," said one local fan. "i have a family. cmon like. like please don't do this."
the word "heist" derives from the old english phrase "HE IS T(aking that thing)". so now you know
October 28, 2025 at 11:35 PM
the word "heist" derives from the old english phrase "HE IS T(aking that thing)". so now you know
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
All dogs go to heaven. That's why, right before I die, I'm going to graft a bunch of dogs to my body
October 24, 2025 at 8:18 PM
All dogs go to heaven. That's why, right before I die, I'm going to graft a bunch of dogs to my body
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
thinking about this again, as I often do
October 26, 2023 at 3:38 PM
thinking about this again, as I often do
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
they shouldn't put a baby in charge of a business — that's a ludicrous idea. unless... well, ok, hold on
October 24, 2025 at 1:28 PM
they shouldn't put a baby in charge of a business — that's a ludicrous idea. unless... well, ok, hold on
Reposted by Willie Fitzgerald
