Monkey One
@vitruvianmonkey.bsky.social
Livin’ the farce, baby!
Yes, you have to hold it the whole time. The whole thing. All four volumes. None is less sacred than any other.
January 2, 2026 at 2:43 AM
Yes, you have to hold it the whole time. The whole thing. All four volumes. None is less sacred than any other.
The angel and the devil on my shoulders watching me center the needs of others before myself.
January 2, 2026 at 2:39 AM
The angel and the devil on my shoulders watching me center the needs of others before myself.
Reposted by Monkey One
Obsessed with this juxtaposition
January 2, 2026 at 12:43 AM
Obsessed with this juxtaposition
Reposted by Monkey One
boss twee baby
Mamdani: As my first order of business, we are bringing back twee. This is a millennial city now
January 2, 2026 at 2:02 AM
boss twee baby
Was touring NBC studios in Burbank at 14 with my family and we were in the parking lot when Jay Leno drove up in a Lamborghini. He was very nice to everyone, and then he spotted me and said, “Hey, kid, wanna take her for a spin?”
I said I was 14 but got pictures sitting in the driver’s seat.
I said I was 14 but got pictures sitting in the driver’s seat.
January 2, 2026 at 1:08 AM
Was touring NBC studios in Burbank at 14 with my family and we were in the parking lot when Jay Leno drove up in a Lamborghini. He was very nice to everyone, and then he spotted me and said, “Hey, kid, wanna take her for a spin?”
I said I was 14 but got pictures sitting in the driver’s seat.
I said I was 14 but got pictures sitting in the driver’s seat.
Look at what you can do when you aren’t afraid of your own power.
Mayor Mamdani has nullified every executive order issued by Eric Adams after he struck his corrupt bargain with Trump to secure dismissal of the indictment against him.
January 1, 2026 at 11:44 PM
Look at what you can do when you aren’t afraid of your own power.
No, but seriously, all the edgy 23-year-old white nationalists currently running government accounts are going to have to be put in the blender. There’s no other cure.
January 1, 2026 at 10:51 PM
No, but seriously, all the edgy 23-year-old white nationalists currently running government accounts are going to have to be put in the blender. There’s no other cure.
It’s frankly impressive in a depressing kind of way that he can embody all seven deadly sins like he does.
Finally, Trump's diet! Oh my god. The piece closes with RNC Chair Joe Gruters saying he was "shocked" to witness Trump eat "french fries, a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder hamburger, a Big Mac and a Filet-O-Fish" in one sitting (5/6)
January 1, 2026 at 4:09 PM
It’s frankly impressive in a depressing kind of way that he can embody all seven deadly sins like he does.
Eric Adams can now fulfill his destiny of stumbling naked and dying through the streets of Cairo mumbling, “I woke it up. My god, I woke it up.”
January 1, 2026 at 5:58 AM
Eric Adams can now fulfill his destiny of stumbling naked and dying through the streets of Cairo mumbling, “I woke it up. My god, I woke it up.”
2025 really stuffed a lot in the last day to try to redeem itself.
A judge in Georgia has officially dismissed the bogus RICO charges against 61 defendants in the movement to stop Cop City
January 1, 2026 at 5:52 AM
2025 really stuffed a lot in the last day to try to redeem itself.
Man, you guys know what her mispronouncing his name is going to do to the right?
BREAKING
Zohran Mamdani has been sworn-in as the 112th Mayor of New York City.
Zohran Mamdani has been sworn-in as the 112th Mayor of New York City.
January 1, 2026 at 5:50 AM
Man, you guys know what her mispronouncing his name is going to do to the right?
Reposted by Monkey One
Another year that failed to kill me. Loser!
January 1, 2026 at 5:15 AM
Another year that failed to kill me. Loser!
ADAMS: Well you know, the real secret of the ooze is that it doesn’t stop. Doesn’t stop all day. And you’re gonna be hearing a lot of about ooze from me for awhile, so buckle up.
REPORTER: I don’t understand…are you excited for the ball drop or not?
REPORTER: I don’t understand…are you excited for the ball drop or not?
shout out to this guy dying inside while he interviews Eric Adams
January 1, 2026 at 4:44 AM
ADAMS: Well you know, the real secret of the ooze is that it doesn’t stop. Doesn’t stop all day. And you’re gonna be hearing a lot of about ooze from me for awhile, so buckle up.
REPORTER: I don’t understand…are you excited for the ball drop or not?
REPORTER: I don’t understand…are you excited for the ball drop or not?
Reposted by Monkey One
shout out to this guy dying inside while he interviews Eric Adams
January 1, 2026 at 4:14 AM
shout out to this guy dying inside while he interviews Eric Adams
Reposted by Monkey One
I’m not quite sure how…but money laundering.
January 1, 2026 at 4:01 AM
I’m not quite sure how…but money laundering.
Reposted by Monkey One
Algorithm update.
Get pranked.
Get pranked.
December 1, 2025 at 4:45 AM
Algorithm update.
Get pranked.
Get pranked.
“New year, new me,” I say with no concrete plans to change anything.
January 1, 2026 at 2:22 AM
“New year, new me,” I say with no concrete plans to change anything.
Reposted by Monkey One
Outlook for the new year ...
December 31, 2025 at 11:20 PM
Outlook for the new year ...
We can make it gayer. We have the technology.
January 1, 2026 at 12:46 AM
We can make it gayer. We have the technology.
Killing to protect your kids isn’t even male-coded. Getting between a mother and her children is very famously a dangerous thing to do. Anyway, you need to fold a bunch of laundry and take out the trash now.
December 31, 2025 at 10:34 PM
Killing to protect your kids isn’t even male-coded. Getting between a mother and her children is very famously a dangerous thing to do. Anyway, you need to fold a bunch of laundry and take out the trash now.
If suspicion of fraud is enough to let any citizen access any private business, I would like to take a look at Lockheed Martin’s R&D division. I believe they are stealing taxpayer money.
December 31, 2025 at 10:01 PM
If suspicion of fraud is enough to let any citizen access any private business, I would like to take a look at Lockheed Martin’s R&D division. I believe they are stealing taxpayer money.
Don’t listen to celebrities about politics. Instead listen to this random guy who has 500k posts and a litany of obvious grudges.
December 31, 2025 at 4:19 PM
Don’t listen to celebrities about politics. Instead listen to this random guy who has 500k posts and a litany of obvious grudges.