Monkey One
@vitruvianmonkey.bsky.social
Livin’ the farce, baby!
Eric Adams can now fulfill his destiny of stumbling naked and dying through the streets of Cairo mumbling, “I woke it up. My god, I woke it up.”
January 1, 2026 at 5:58 AM
Eric Adams can now fulfill his destiny of stumbling naked and dying through the streets of Cairo mumbling, “I woke it up. My god, I woke it up.”
2025 really stuffed a lot in the last day to try to redeem itself.
A judge in Georgia has officially dismissed the bogus RICO charges against 61 defendants in the movement to stop Cop City
January 1, 2026 at 5:52 AM
2025 really stuffed a lot in the last day to try to redeem itself.
Man, you guys know what her mispronouncing his name is going to do to the right?
BREAKING
Zohran Mamdani has been sworn-in as the 112th Mayor of New York City.
Zohran Mamdani has been sworn-in as the 112th Mayor of New York City.
January 1, 2026 at 5:50 AM
Man, you guys know what her mispronouncing his name is going to do to the right?
Reposted by Monkey One
Another year that failed to kill me. Loser!
January 1, 2026 at 5:15 AM
Another year that failed to kill me. Loser!
ADAMS: Well you know, the real secret of the ooze is that it doesn’t stop. Doesn’t stop all day. And you’re gonna be hearing a lot of about ooze from me for awhile, so buckle up.
REPORTER: I don’t understand…are you excited for the ball drop or not?
REPORTER: I don’t understand…are you excited for the ball drop or not?
shout out to this guy dying inside while he interviews Eric Adams
January 1, 2026 at 4:44 AM
ADAMS: Well you know, the real secret of the ooze is that it doesn’t stop. Doesn’t stop all day. And you’re gonna be hearing a lot of about ooze from me for awhile, so buckle up.
REPORTER: I don’t understand…are you excited for the ball drop or not?
REPORTER: I don’t understand…are you excited for the ball drop or not?
Reposted by Monkey One
shout out to this guy dying inside while he interviews Eric Adams
January 1, 2026 at 4:14 AM
shout out to this guy dying inside while he interviews Eric Adams
Reposted by Monkey One
I’m not quite sure how…but money laundering.
January 1, 2026 at 4:01 AM
I’m not quite sure how…but money laundering.
Reposted by Monkey One
Algorithm update.
Get pranked.
Get pranked.
December 1, 2025 at 4:45 AM
Algorithm update.
Get pranked.
Get pranked.
“New year, new me,” I say with no concrete plans to change anything.
January 1, 2026 at 2:22 AM
“New year, new me,” I say with no concrete plans to change anything.
Reposted by Monkey One
Outlook for the new year ...
December 31, 2025 at 11:20 PM
Outlook for the new year ...
We can make it gayer. We have the technology.
January 1, 2026 at 12:46 AM
We can make it gayer. We have the technology.
Killing to protect your kids isn’t even male-coded. Getting between a mother and her children is very famously a dangerous thing to do. Anyway, you need to fold a bunch of laundry and take out the trash now.
December 31, 2025 at 10:34 PM
Killing to protect your kids isn’t even male-coded. Getting between a mother and her children is very famously a dangerous thing to do. Anyway, you need to fold a bunch of laundry and take out the trash now.
If suspicion of fraud is enough to let any citizen access any private business, I would like to take a look at Lockheed Martin’s R&D division. I believe they are stealing taxpayer money.
December 31, 2025 at 10:01 PM
If suspicion of fraud is enough to let any citizen access any private business, I would like to take a look at Lockheed Martin’s R&D division. I believe they are stealing taxpayer money.
Don’t listen to celebrities about politics. Instead listen to this random guy who has 500k posts and a litany of obvious grudges.
December 31, 2025 at 4:19 PM
Don’t listen to celebrities about politics. Instead listen to this random guy who has 500k posts and a litany of obvious grudges.
Doesn’t sit right with me that some people are already in 2026. They should have to wait for the rest of us.
December 31, 2025 at 3:45 PM
Doesn’t sit right with me that some people are already in 2026. They should have to wait for the rest of us.
Just found out this is Madonna. I thought it was Jojo Siwa.
December 31, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Just found out this is Madonna. I thought it was Jojo Siwa.
Attempted unlawful entry on property in this video. I don’t know where this is, but I think that’s illegal everywhere.
uhhh yeah I can see why these childcare properties weren't eager to let in some rando dudes asking "where are the kids?"
December 30, 2025 at 10:56 PM
Attempted unlawful entry on property in this video. I don’t know where this is, but I think that’s illegal everywhere.
Having a coke and doing some coke while I burn coke in the furnace.
December 30, 2025 at 10:16 PM
Having a coke and doing some coke while I burn coke in the furnace.
Reposted by Monkey One
sorry to be controversial, but i believe that a seven nation army could hold me back very easily
December 30, 2025 at 6:14 PM
sorry to be controversial, but i believe that a seven nation army could hold me back very easily
Professor of Polycular Science
December 30, 2025 at 9:29 PM
Professor of Polycular Science
Let’s talk about insults that actually suck and that people treat like epic burns.
Winston Churchill’s famous, “In the morning, I will be sober, but you will still be ugly.”
First of all, it’s pure sexism. Second of all, look in a mirror, Winnie. You look like an anthropomorphic pig.
Winston Churchill’s famous, “In the morning, I will be sober, but you will still be ugly.”
First of all, it’s pure sexism. Second of all, look in a mirror, Winnie. You look like an anthropomorphic pig.
What's an insult you'll never forget?
December 30, 2025 at 4:11 PM
Let’s talk about insults that actually suck and that people treat like epic burns.
Winston Churchill’s famous, “In the morning, I will be sober, but you will still be ugly.”
First of all, it’s pure sexism. Second of all, look in a mirror, Winnie. You look like an anthropomorphic pig.
Winston Churchill’s famous, “In the morning, I will be sober, but you will still be ugly.”
First of all, it’s pure sexism. Second of all, look in a mirror, Winnie. You look like an anthropomorphic pig.