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tomtowell.bsky.social
Tom Towell
@tomtowell.bsky.social
300 followers 1.5K following 150 posts
Husband of Sarah. Dad. McSweeney’s. StarWipe (RIP).
Posts Replies Media Videos
Reposted by Tom Towell
jessehawken.bsky.social
Pour one out for a legend

www.bbc.com/news/article...
Playwright Sir Tom Stoppard dies at 88
www.bbc.com
November 29, 2025 at 5:17 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
girardinl.bsky.social
"quadrupling down on being a pain in the ass, politically"

Let's all make that a 2026 goal!
bencollins.bsky.social Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social · 2d
Here's a note I sent to our members about what we did with their money, and why we expect the Onion to outgrow the Washington Post.

We keep doing weird, hard shit — taunting ICE, yelling at Congress for not taunting ICE, buying bad websites — when nobody else does.

Our members keep getting papers.
Hey there Onion members, This is Ben Collins, CEO of America’s Finest News Source™. I am writing today, as we have arrived at a precipice in American life, to thank you. Our government is employing masked oafs to kidnap our neighbors, ziptie our children, and play Call of Duty: Burger King Edition in several American cities. The White House, otherwise occupied with taping an episode of HGTV’s “Help I Wrecked My House,” is hellbent on politically mandated starvation of the indigent. Worst of all, America’s airwaves have been taken over by dull throbbing moans only recently identified by scientists as something known as “Morgan Wallen.” In short, it is not a good time out there, and our captured media has been too scared to call that out. But, because of you, none of that is true at The Onion. For reasons we don’t like or understand, our work has become increasingly important. You and your contribution over the last year have allowed The Onion to thrive in this precarious moment — to take risks and to say sentences mere moments before those thoughts become criminalized. We need your help in the next year to bolster that fight as things get precipitously worse. Because of your support, The Onion is now the 11th-most distributed newspaper in the United States, sandwiched between The Boston Globe and The Chicago Tribune. In the next year, our goal is to crack the top 10, and to surpass the circulation of the propaganda project of a notorious space pervert, Jeff Bezos and The Washington Post. We’re confident we can reach this goal with your help. Unlike other publications, which all appear to have a fetish for caving to an increasingly maniacal and unpopular authoritarian government, The Onion remains unafraid to print the truth, straightforwardly and without favor. Due to your patronage in the last year, we have: Published 13 newspapers since the relaunch of our print edition in September of 2024. Over the summer, by popular demand, we increased the size of the paper by half. Took out a full-page advertisement in the New York Times “calling upon lawmakers in Congress to sit back and do absolutely nothing,” then sent this op-ed to every member of the House and Senate and all 54,000 of our subscribers. Thankfully, they took our advice, and now people are starving. Drove the Onion Newsvan in front of protests and ICE detention centers, blaring headlines about ICE’s one true love: teargassing elementary schools. Released Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile in over 40 cities across North America and later on YouTube, and let independent theatres keep the ticket sales. It’s still unclear if we can write this off. And, a year ago this week, we successfully bid on InfoWars at a bankruptcy auction, before the judgment was overturned by a judge for — and I’m paraphrasing here — being too cool. Yes, despite a legal bill that rivals the GDP of West Virginia, we are continuing work to acquire InfoWars and evolve it into an galactically sized depot of lies, scams, and miracle cures for all of the world’s awesome new and untracked illnesses. The Supreme Court — yes, this Supreme Court — denied Alex Jones’ appeal just last month, a last gasp at evading justice, and we’re hoping this clears a path to reinventing the dumbest site on the internet very soon. So ahead of this holiday season, please consider subscribing to The Onion for yourself, your friends, your parents, or your infant. People love getting something great in the mail every month amidst their requisite bills and death threats. Look, we’re an independent company, we don’t use AI to write headlines and make art, and we’re one of roughly three publications who are up for the fight. Unlike other places, The Onion is quadrupling down on being a pain in the ass, politically. Are you? If so, I hope you’ll continue to be an Onion member, get the paper, and help us deliver ulcers to those who deserve it. Thank you, and Tu Stultus Es, Ben Collins CEO | The Onion
November 29, 2025 at 5:11 PM
tomtowell.bsky.social
“Difficult difficult lemon difficult.”
November 28, 2025 at 9:33 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
miketaddow.bsky.social
william h. macy’s face on a parade float
November 27, 2025 at 3:58 PM
tomtowell.bsky.social
November 26, 2025 at 11:29 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
rollingstone.com
How Oregon’s Data Center Boom Is Supercharging a Water Crisis

Amazon has come to the state’s eastern farmland, worsening a water pollution problem that’s been linked to cancer and miscarriages.

Rolling Stone reports in collaboration with @thefern.org: www.rollingstone.com/culture/cult...
November 25, 2025 at 1:27 AM
Reposted by Tom Towell
emorwee.bsky.social
Everyone knows data centers use a ton of water.

What hardly anyone knows: they can poison the water that remains.

And in eastern Oregon, Amazon is doing exactly that.
AI’s water problem is worse than we thought
A new investigation reveals how Amazon is amplifying Oregon’s nitrate pollution crisis.
heated.world
November 25, 2025 at 8:20 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
nycsouthpaw.bsky.social
DOGE investigations and prosecutions are already overdue
November 24, 2025 at 11:36 AM
Reposted by Tom Towell
annahorford.bsky.social
November 24, 2025 at 12:27 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
thejosevilson.com
Next step: reclaim public education as a right.
therickydavila.bsky.social Ricky Davila @therickydavila.bsky.social · 7d
In a massive backlash against MAGA fascism, Democrats have now swept school board elections in Pennsylvania, Texas and Ohio and defeating all terrorist Moms For Liberty candidates in the process. Much more of this please, we have a democracy to rescue. 💙👊
November 24, 2025 at 1:26 AM
tomtowell.bsky.social
Favorite actor Dennehy, favorite drink O'Doul's
Bears, Hawks, Sox, Bulls
November 23, 2025 at 3:35 AM
Reposted by Tom Towell
adamparkhomenko.bsky.social
Winner
November 23, 2025 at 2:13 AM
Reposted by Tom Towell
rincewind.run
I really did not have “Kathy Hochul understands this political moment better than almost anyone else in the Democratic Party” on my bingo card but here we are
dropsitenews.com Drop Site @dropsitenews.com · 8d
Governor Hochul on Elise Stefanik doubling down on her claims that Mamdani is a “jihadist.”

Video: Kathy Hochul via X (@KathyHochul)
November 23, 2025 at 12:07 AM
Reposted by Tom Towell
melissjpeltier.bsky.social
There’s something very very wrong with a cabal of people who are ACTIVELY trying to leave their kids & grandkids an uninhabitable planet.
washingtonpost.com The Washington Post @washingtonpost.com · 7d
The EPA is moving forward with approvals for pesticides containing “forever chemicals” as an active ingredient, dismissing concerns about health and environmental impacts raised by some scientists and activists.

Here’s what to look out for:
EPA just approved new ‘forever chemical’ pesticides for use on food
Critics warn the EPA’s approvals of new PFAS pesticides could expose more Americans to “forever chemicals” through their food.
www.washingtonpost.com
November 22, 2025 at 11:34 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
groguspeak.bsky.social
The GOP is toast.... VOTE
November 21, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
treblaw.bsky.social
🧵 We are, in fact, doing the thing again for @onesimplewish.bsky.social. In 2024, the kind people of this community put the money cannon on blast to help grant $75K in wishes for children in foster care. Toys, tech, a suit for job interviews. Here we go again! 👇
www.onesimplewish.org/giving/megwa...
Grant a wish change a life with one simple wish
November 21, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
naomialderman.bsky.social
I did this, and that meant it stopped dividing my inbox into 'important/not important' and christ I don't know how to say this but... it turns out that that little bit of so-called 'smart help' was making my inbox much harder to manage?
November 21, 2025 at 1:14 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
dare2dreamrpg.bsky.social
If you can pitch in and help me I’d appreciate it, I drive myself and my partner to work and this happened in between pay periods for me
dare2dreamrpg.bsky.social 💀 Dare2Screamrpg 💀 @dare2dreamrpg.bsky.social · 12d
I’m trying to raise like $150 for a new tire
November 18, 2025 at 5:49 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
ndrew.bsky.social
mr president sir theres a story coming about how you intervened to help a sex criminal. no sir, not that sex criminal you helped….no not that one either…sir, please stop guessing sex criminals that you helped. ill give you a hint sir, hes a trafficker. no sir, not that trafficker a different one
November 18, 2025 at 1:10 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
brunojnavarro.bsky.social
New Yorkers responding to raids and bracing for more are taking a cue from activists there, passing out thousands of whistles in recent weeks as a low-tech way to alert people of ICE activity when they see it.
As ICE Street Raids Ramp Up, New Yorkers Stock Up On Whistles
Taking a cue from Chicago, community groups have distributed thousands of whistles in recent weeks — a grassroots system people in other cities have adopted to help neighbors sound the alarm.
www.thecity.nyc
November 17, 2025 at 4:13 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
runwithskizzers.bsky.social
Don’t cross the line buds! Solidarity with the workers!
sbworkersunited.org Starbucks Workers United @sbworkersunited.org · 17d
As of this morning, Starbucks workers across the country are officially ON STRIKE. And we're prepared for this to become the biggest and longest ULP strike in Starbucks history.

Say #NoContractNoCoffee with us: DON'T BUY STARBUCKS for the duration of our open-ended ULP strike! $SBUX
Don't Buy Starbucks! At any location, today and beyond, while workers are on ULP strike!
November 13, 2025 at 12:48 PM
Reposted by Tom Towell
mrsbettybowers.bsky.social
A vile country isn't a country that can't feed its children, a vile country is a country that *won't* feed its children.
November 10, 2025 at 5:35 PM
tomtowell.bsky.social
Holy moly Pluribus
November 10, 2025 at 3:50 AM
Reposted by Tom Towell
jules.su
Call them:

Schumer (NY)
202 224-6542

Booker (NJ)
202 224-3224

King (ME)
202 224-5344

Hassan (NH)
202 224-3324

Durbin (IL)
202 224-2152

Ossoff (GA)
202 224-3521

Shaheen (NH)
202 224-2841

Gillibrand (NY)
202 224-4451

Masto (NV)
202 224-3542

Warner (VA)
202 224-2023

Fetterman (PA)
No Point
November 9, 2025 at 10:14 PM