Timmy™️
@thetimmytoes.bsky.social
let me stop you right there again
40 Under 40 Hanging On By A Thread
December 3, 2025 at 11:28 PM
40 Under 40 Hanging On By A Thread
is the quack attack even back, Jack?
December 3, 2025 at 11:15 PM
is the quack attack even back, Jack?
Reposted by Timmy™️
how it started / how it's going
January 10, 2025 at 12:49 AM
how it started / how it's going
me to my guests after Thanksgiving dinner
November 28, 2025 at 6:56 PM
me to my guests after Thanksgiving dinner
Reposted by Timmy™️
Well, if we forgive student loan debt, what’s next? Forgiving our sins? Forgiving our trespasses and those who trespass against us?
July 1, 2023 at 1:24 AM
Well, if we forgive student loan debt, what’s next? Forgiving our sins? Forgiving our trespasses and those who trespass against us?
me to my toddler who has thrown her oatmeal on the floor because I won’t give her a graham cracker
June 27, 2025 at 2:52 PM
me to my toddler who has thrown her oatmeal on the floor because I won’t give her a graham cracker
we apologize. the doctor is running late this morning. he had to shake, shake, shake his sillies out
June 13, 2025 at 11:01 AM
we apologize. the doctor is running late this morning. he had to shake, shake, shake his sillies out
please please please consider that sometimes the ocean is fucking the boat and sometimes the boat is fucking the ocean
June 5, 2025 at 10:31 PM
please please please consider that sometimes the ocean is fucking the boat and sometimes the boat is fucking the ocean
ME: I’m all in for the Rebellion.
“Ok awesome you have to come live on Yavin”
ME: Ooooh *inhales thru teeth* yeahhh…I’m not really a “jungle” guy. i don’t do bugs
“Ok awesome you have to come live on Yavin”
ME: Ooooh *inhales thru teeth* yeahhh…I’m not really a “jungle” guy. i don’t do bugs
June 2, 2025 at 5:17 PM
ME: I’m all in for the Rebellion.
“Ok awesome you have to come live on Yavin”
ME: Ooooh *inhales thru teeth* yeahhh…I’m not really a “jungle” guy. i don’t do bugs
“Ok awesome you have to come live on Yavin”
ME: Ooooh *inhales thru teeth* yeahhh…I’m not really a “jungle” guy. i don’t do bugs
“it’s cyclical”
- bathroom stinking after taking a shit denier
- bathroom stinking after taking a shit denier
May 19, 2025 at 5:17 PM
“it’s cyclical”
- bathroom stinking after taking a shit denier
- bathroom stinking after taking a shit denier
with all due respect no I’m not
May 12, 2025 at 5:36 PM
with all due respect no I’m not
Being a good dad means saving and diligently organizing a huge collection of random bolts and screws so my kids have something to throw away the week after I die
May 10, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Being a good dad means saving and diligently organizing a huge collection of random bolts and screws so my kids have something to throw away the week after I die
It looks very cool but all of the water leaked when I tried to drink out of it. 3/10
April 25, 2025 at 11:43 PM
It looks very cool but all of the water leaked when I tried to drink out of it. 3/10
sometimes when I’m done with my meal I’ll go to another area of the food court and get another (smaller) meal. I think the people that see me with the smaller meal are probably impressed I’m only eating a small amount
April 22, 2025 at 5:51 PM
sometimes when I’m done with my meal I’ll go to another area of the food court and get another (smaller) meal. I think the people that see me with the smaller meal are probably impressed I’m only eating a small amount
*bites the gum in half and chews a piece of it on each side of his mouth at the same time*
April 16, 2025 at 9:33 PM
*bites the gum in half and chews a piece of it on each side of his mouth at the same time*
no I did that weird thing with my neck to stretch out my throat to avoid coughing
April 12, 2025 at 3:55 PM
no I did that weird thing with my neck to stretch out my throat to avoid coughing
a controversial take on cake, but I respect it
March 10, 2025 at 2:52 PM
a controversial take on cake, but I respect it
sorry, green potato chip
I’m hungry but I ain’t that hungry
I’m hungry but I ain’t that hungry
March 7, 2025 at 5:55 PM
sorry, green potato chip
I’m hungry but I ain’t that hungry
I’m hungry but I ain’t that hungry
*starts eating Taco Bell really fast to prevent anyone including me from figuring out what’s happening or react to stop it*
March 5, 2025 at 6:49 PM
*starts eating Taco Bell really fast to prevent anyone including me from figuring out what’s happening or react to stop it*
it’s all fine, capitalism works. If your Cheerios poisons your family and you all die, simply start buying a different cereal!
February 13, 2025 at 6:00 PM
it’s all fine, capitalism works. If your Cheerios poisons your family and you all die, simply start buying a different cereal!
*eats a taco by sitting straight up with perfect posture and bringing the taco up to his mouth for each bite, no head tilt*
January 31, 2025 at 7:03 PM
*eats a taco by sitting straight up with perfect posture and bringing the taco up to his mouth for each bite, no head tilt*
Reposted by Timmy™️
Your Joke is Factually Incorrect: A Guide to Dying Alone
January 31, 2025 at 4:09 AM
Your Joke is Factually Incorrect: A Guide to Dying Alone
I just want to be rich enough to own an umbrella that isn’t partially broken
January 31, 2025 at 6:25 PM
I just want to be rich enough to own an umbrella that isn’t partially broken
Reposted by Timmy™️
Boston Market recently changed their name to Boston MARKET, a move that increased their market capitalization by 500%
January 28, 2025 at 3:36 AM
Boston Market recently changed their name to Boston MARKET, a move that increased their market capitalization by 500%